Thanks, Anjin.

You know, on a similar note, I never believed in Santa Claus.  The day I
heard the story (4 yrs. Old).  Having not remembered the xmas before, I
hurredly told my sisters across the fence at lunch time (between our two
schools) that this Santa dude was going to hook us up.  My sisters said
flatly, "Oh, that isn't true -- its just something they tell you."   So
my santa belief was only 10 minutes long, and I thinks it's a shame.
Let the kids have their illusions while they can still appreciate them.

Maybe I should get on with living (while I'm still young and all my
immortatility hasn't been eraditcated by my adult fear of waste) --
rather than prove to myself the teaching that this life can't be f'd up
-- maybe I just take it on foolish faith.  Tend to my moment with
whatever wisdom is at hand, and if later I realize how wrong it was, I
can just shrug and say "shit, no one told me, so I did what I did".
Hell, I got C/B's in high school, I didn't give a fuck about the
teachers clucking their tongues at my "underused" abilities... Somewhere
along the line as an adult someone convinced me I needed A's.  I am
happy with B's and a few A's and C's, D's.

Going on (and on, and on :) it was recently I realized a couple times
hat I'm addicted to realization (like an endorphin/drug habbit).  I'll
sit around realizaing shit all night -- things I should do differently,
meanings of philosphies, lies told to me in my youth -- when I should
have been having fun like a 12 year old.  It's a funny thing to realize
your addicted to realization -- like suddenly waking up with a heroin
needle in your arm.  Yikes!

I like experiements that are enjoyed when they are undertaken, and can
be stopped at will.  All I can lose is the time when I say fuck
realization -- could use a break anyway.  The opposite path, of seeking
relaization, is a lot of work for future enjoyment.  And I'll be the
wisest most miserable fuck on my deathbed, right?  And if having been a
little more in the moment over the next year or so (unrealized), I
consequently pull up short of enlightenment on my deathbed by just a
year's worth of effort missing, I can cry myself to sleep over what a
tragedy it was.  Probably blame you ;> 

lol!


Rod Scholl 



-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On
Behalf Of anjin327
Sent: Sunday, April 17, 2005 11:05 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [Zen] beyond knowing



Rod says: "The recklessness of youth should also be savored."

LOL! Yep you are on to something here! 

My family will tell you about what kind of kid and teenager I was...I
was the "good kid"...never drank or smoked or did drugs or got into
trouble with boys. I was nearly always responsible and did my homework
and duties. But I also did not know how to have fun either and I wasn't
particularly healthy mentally because of my "goodness". People would
think of me as a "little adult".

I paid for it in my thirties. 

I still don't drink and smoke and do drugs but I don't tend to hold it
up to others that I "am holier than thou". I tend to see that I missed
out on my youth. I wasted it. 

I am not advocating distructive behaviors...just maybe a bit of balance.
Be a kid when you are a kid...or a teen or young adult. As we have
chanted in the morning..."Don't waste time"...be who you are right
now...don't pretend to be an old man who has seen death quickly
advancing towards him.  Savor who you are and the moments that are yours
to experience.

When you are at the door of death you will know you lived as full a life
as you could.

Anjin





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