On Mon, 4 Nov 2002 18:05:35 -0500, "Valerie Nielsen Williams"
> Oh Dear Scott:
>         I had no idea what you have been through.  I get off of ZION for
> a few years, and everything falls apart!!

That's right, so don't you leave again! You hear me?

>         As I read between the lines, I see a great deal of suffering and
> sorrow and am reminded of what Eve said in the Garden--that we must needs
> pass through sorrow in order to know joy.  

Man is that he might have JOy!

>         Anyway, as I sat listening to that in the temple on Friday, it
> really meant more to me then it ever has before in my life.  It was sad
> when my dad died--I cried and thought that was the worst.  But in a
> couple of months, I was doing pretty good.  I remember appreciating
> little things a lot more.  But, losing my spouse has been much worse.  I
> have never experienced greater sorrow than losing Tom. 

Imagine the pain of losing your spouse, several of your kids, someone
taking a large chuch of what's left of your income, and you don't even
get to morn the loss of your spouse as she left you and took the other.
It's like having a spouse die, but you are contantly reminded of them.
Even have to talk to them at times. You can't morn them, but have to
learn to "not love" them, whatever that means.

Even now, after having dealt with all that, there is this person who has
just as much say as I do in my kids lives, but no longer respects any of
the values that I have always tried to raise them by. Someone who tries
to (and in once case, succeeded) in subverting their love and loyalty to

My youngest daughter just turned 10 a couple of weeks ago, and has never
been baptized. My heart aches to know how much she is missing out. I went
for over a year without ever seeing my youngest two daughters at one

The pain of death is indeed devistating. I still feel the death of my
grandmother who died six years ago. On the other hand, we know that they
are someplace better, and that we will join them one day. The pain of
betrayal and divorce never ends. My children are hurt by it now, years
after. I suffer constantly over what their mother teaches them, and from
not seeing them grow up. Worse, she still has the potential for
financially devistating Jo and I now!

>It doesn't mean there won't be greater sorrows ahead, but for me, right now,
> this is it.  It's been a bit over 7 months, and I still am not doing very
> well.
>         However, I must say that the gospel, the teachings, the
> scriptures, have made this transition for me MUCH easier.  I cannot
> imagine going through this without it.  

Ah, that is what got me through it too, and continues to strengthen me.
The love a truly caring wife helps too.

>I was not ready--emotionally or
> financially--and trying to rebuild both at the same time is a real
> struggle.  (of course, when it rains it pours--in June I was doing the
> "good Mormon mother" thing and taking my inactive boys to see the Nauvoo
> Temple open house when my van's tranny died and there I was, stranded in
> the middle of Illinois.  $1600 for repairs, $300. for car rental etc.
> etc. )
>         I cannot tell you how grateful I am for a ward family who stepped
> up, and continues to step up, to help me out.  (Not to mention the ward
> members in Ottawa, Illinois who housed us and fed us.  What a relief.  We
> did make it to the Open House, and in fact did almost everything I had
> planned.)  
>         Even my cynical teenage son has been impressed at how "connected"
> we are through the gospel.  It's more than just a "church"
> connection--it's much deeper.  I believe that most members of the Church
> truly  "mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of
> comfort and bear one another's burdens that they may be light."   I've
> experienced it first-hand and am still in awe of how incredible it is. 
> I know, I've rambled--my heart is just full and I wanted you, Scott, to
> know how much we care about you and that we DO feel the pain of what
> you've been through--maybe not as intensely, but we do know and
> understand it.

Thank you for your words and thoughts. Very truly, this list was
instremental for me getting through that period. The unexpected blessing
of finding a wife here was incredible too. The Lord sometimes will hit
you with the most amazing blessings!

Buttered bread always lands butter side * Would YOU mistake these as
down (Unless it sticks to the ceiling!) * anyone`s opinions but my own?
         Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Scott McGee)
         Web:   http://scott.themcgees.org/

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