On Tue, 29 Oct 2002 18:21:53 -0900, "John W. Redelfs"
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> said:
> I do not think it is possible to fall out of love with your wife, at
> least 
> not the kind of love I think of when I use the term.  True love lasts 
> forever or it isn't true love.  

Well, you could get into a big semantic discussion on exactly what is
meant by the words, but yes, it can happen. It did to me. I remember the
feeling when I realized it. I talked with my bishop and he basically told
me to repent. I did so, and fell back into love with her.

Unfortunately, I guess she must have fallen out of love with me, or at
least gave up on our commitments as bout a year later she left me for
some guy she met on the internet.

This kind of falling out of love is not the same as drifting apart. We
had done that already or it wouldn't have happened. I think that falling
out of love (the real think like I experienced) is more akin to falling
into transgression until you can't feel the spirit. It is still there,
but you are incapable of feeling it because of your own actions. If the
person who has "fallen out of love" corrects the inapropriate behavior
that causes it, the love will (pardon the use of this expression, but it
is appropriate here) "shine through" again and they will effectively fall
back into love. This correction requires confirmation of commitments,
ceasing to dwell on what you perceive as the other's faults (true faults
or not) and generally making an effor to think of them in ways
appropriate to someone who is your spouse.

This is one reason that I think arranged marriages work as well as they
often do. Both spouses go into the marriage knowing that they have to
build a relationship. This is the important part. Modern couples think
that the physical attractions _IS_ the relationship and thus often put no
effort into it. Once the initial physical passion wears off, the
"relationship" is over and they end up divorced in a few years or even
months.

It is too bad in my case that I didn't do this earlier and know more
about what was happening. I might have saved my marriage. On the other
hand, I would have lost out, too, as I would not now have Jo as my wife.
The price I paid (and still pay) in getting to the point I was at when we
got to know each other is horrible to think about, but she _does_ help
make up for it. 

Scott
--  
Buttered bread always lands butter side * Would YOU mistake these as
down (Unless it sticks to the ceiling!) * anyone`s opinions but my own?
         Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Scott McGee)
         Web:   http://scott.themcgees.org/


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