It's much more than interesting. It's very important to be upfront about and of course needless to say that parents need a bit of convincing. It is our responsibility to convince them.
Vetri. On 10/12/2011, B. R. Nautial <brnaut...@gmail.com> wrote: > Really Interesting! > B. R. Nautial > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Shadab Husain" <shadab...@gmail.com> > To: "accessindia" <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>; > <unitee-education-c...@googlegroups.com> > Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 4:03 PM > Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > Of disclosing ‘disability’ before marriage > There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for > me. I had insisted to have my visual ‘disability’ (as others call it) > be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness > in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused > blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further > or politely tendered their refusals. > > My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it > difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I > will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful > act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get > disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until > my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not > caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, > then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I > used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. > > We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us > often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to > them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily > telling us “What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know > your son, he is our child, everything is settled.” > > Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. > Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that > we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and > blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had > visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my > blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her > often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did > not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue > again as if it was hurting them. > > Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some > uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want > to take chances. > > We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight > problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight > to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on > computers and move around the city and out of the city independently > (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But > the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the > course of time I have become blind. > > I told her mother point-blank: “I can only see light. I am looking > towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading > technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I > cannot see.” > > She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. > (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at > that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about > the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. > > Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a > similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was > to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were > unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. > > But I was wrong. > > Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the > girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering > praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, > though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, > she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was > thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I > would have been in great trouble. > > At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it ‘In the > name of my cancelled marriage’! It was meant to truly celebrate life; > it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are > uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character > ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we > really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we > made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. > > Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told > us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that > honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and > prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family > members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to > marry me. It was a U-turn! > > Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, > religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. > > I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg > for God’s mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier > told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance > after rejection will not affect me. > > I remained a bachelor. > > I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many > people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a > lonesome life and asked myself: “If they can do it, why cannot I?” > > Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, > brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in > need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all > except God. > > I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be > practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members > not to search a bride for me because “I want to live alone.” Besides, > I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an > unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or > embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good > qualities, but this does not mean that we don’t take steps to > eliminate it. > > I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I > pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to > miss a chance to improve myself. > > Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced > to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything > about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that > girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! > > ----- > Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj > Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and > has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a > personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality > development and improving English. To visit his blog, click > PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. > > http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html > > -- > Develop your personality and English at > http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. 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