Life will be extremely difficult for a totally blind couple, parents and relatives have their own limitations, I am of the opinion that a totally blind person should marry a partially blind or sighted person, make sure that parents are supportive and opt not to stay separately. Getting married and staying separate for a totally blind person with a sighted person can create difficulties, human nature is unpredictable. By the way, Shadab, your language is really excellent! Thanking you, Lissy Verghese
On 12/30/11, Shadab Husain <[email protected]> wrote: > Dear Ma’am, > > Thanks for your appreciation. > > When I was confined at home and had to depend on others for my works, > I used to think that I will never marry a blind girl. But, when I > started to become independent, that thought vanished. Somehow, I could > never get the feeling of love for a blind girl and thankfully a blind > girl was saved! One cannot manage to fall in love, they say it just > happens. > > I will not dare to ignore your question. > > Sincerely, > Shadab > PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com > > > > On 12/30/11, shalini khanna <[email protected]> wrote: >> Shadab...i loved the way you wrote it. Good writing skills too along with >> a >> clean heart and good mind!...but why did you not think of marrying a blind >> girl. If you dont like my question...u can ignore it. >> >> Regards >> Shalini Khanna >> Hony. Director >> NAB, India -Centre for Blind Women >> Consultant, GENPACT Sexual Harrassment Committee >> L-25, Hauz Khas Enclave >> New Delhi >> Ph. no. 011- 41656266, 9811772499 >> >> >> >> ________________________________ >> From: mahendra <[email protected]> >> To: [email protected] >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 5:28 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> congratulations, you did right thing, i wish you both, >> all the best for your future. >> give my regards and love to your butyful wife. >> >> At 11:33 AM 12/10/2011, you wrote: >>>Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>>in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>or politely tendered their refusals. >>> >>>My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>>will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>>my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>> >>>We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>>them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>> >>>Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>>not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>again as if it was hurting them. >>> >>>Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>to take chances. >>> >>>We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>>problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>(at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>course of time I have become blind. >>> >>>I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>>cannot see." >>> >>>She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>(Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>> >>>Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>> >>>But I was wrong. >>> >>>Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>>she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>would have been in great trouble. >>> >>>At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>> >>>Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>marry me. It was a U-turn! >>> >>>Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>>religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>> >>>I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>>told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>after rejection will not affect me. >>> >>>I remained a bachelor. >>> >>>I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>> >>>Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>>brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>except God. >>> >>>I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>>not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>eliminate it. >>> >>>I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>miss a chance to improve myself. >>> >>>Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>>to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>> >>>----- >>>Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>> >>>http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>> >>>-- >>>Develop your personality and English at >>>http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>> >>> >>>Search for old postings at: >>>http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>>To unsubscribe send a message to >>>[email protected] >>>with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>>To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other >>>changes, please visit the list home page at >>>http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> with warm regards >> Mahendra Galani >> window's live ID [email protected] skype ID chintu3886 >> phone +4314943149 mobile +4369910366055, >> address Herbst strasse 101.16.1 Vienna Austria Europe >> >> --------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> > > > -- > Develop your personality and English at > http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > -- http://www.epubbooks.com/books Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. 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