Shadab...i loved the way you wrote it. Good writing skills too along with a clean heart and good mind!...but why did you not think of marrying a blind girl. If you dont like my question...u can ignore it. Regards Shalini Khanna Hony. Director NAB, India -Centre for Blind Women Consultant, GENPACT Sexual Harrassment Committee L-25, Hauz Khas Enclave New Delhi Ph. no. 011- 41656266, 9811772499
________________________________ From: mahendra <[email protected]> To: [email protected] Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 5:28 PM Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage congratulations, you did right thing, i wish you both, all the best for your future. give my regards and love to your butyful wife. At 11:33 AM 12/10/2011, you wrote: >Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >or politely tendered their refusals. > >My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. > >We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >your son, he is our child, everything is settled." > >Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >again as if it was hurting them. > >Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >to take chances. > >We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >(at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >course of time I have become blind. > >I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >cannot see." > >She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >(Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. > >Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. > >But I was wrong. > >Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >would have been in great trouble. > >At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. > >Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >marry me. It was a U-turn! > >Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. > >I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >after rejection will not affect me. > >I remained a bachelor. > >I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" > >Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >except God. > >I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >eliminate it. > >I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >miss a chance to improve myself. > >Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! > >----- >Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. > >http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html > >-- >Develop your personality and English at >http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ > > >Search for old postings at: >http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > >To unsubscribe send a message to >[email protected] >with the subject unsubscribe. > >To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other >changes, please visit the list home page at >http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in with warm regards Mahendra Galani window's live ID [email protected] skype ID chintu3886 phone +4314943149 mobile +4369910366055, address Herbst strasse 101.16.1 Vienna Austria Europe --------------------------------------------------------------------- Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
