----- Original Message ----- From: "Kevin Tarr" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "Brin-L" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Sunday, February 03, 2002 9:40 PM Subject: Re: Passive agressive behavior
> From: Dan Minette < > > I guess this is a good time to mention that I've been married to a > > psychotherapist/family therapist for over twenty years now. Part of what > > I've gotten from her is a viewpoint on the dynamics of passive aggressive. > > One of the dynamics is the use of jokes that aren't really jokes. N**** > > jokes are an example of this. Its a means of putting people in their > place. > > Another is a boss who jokes about firing employees. Everyone knows what > is > > being said and denied. > > I'm going to put myself in a poor light but here goes. I can understand > people's reaction to hearing N***** jokes ect. Very Bad Question: Do you > feel all N-word jokes are not jokes? I only mean, is a joke only a joke > when it isn't offensive to anyone? Or are we just eliminating N-word jokes > but we can keep, for example, Polish jokes? At one time Pollock jokes, or Finlander jokes, etc. were very much unfunny. They reinforced the stereotype of a new immigrant. But, after a while, they lost their sting. No one really believed that they were meant seriously. N*** jokes are not without sting. It is possible to have a funny black joke, and I told them all this week. My African "adopted daughter" Neli and my family joke about color a decent bit. Like "what's this about the white pieces always getting the first move...why can't the black pieces move first." Or, when Amy talked about liking white cheese, I turned to Neli and said "I suppose you think that is racist and say we should praise black cheese too?" The general rule is that you don't gig people where it hurts. An example of this was when I joked to a woman, when there was a awkward pause after someone was introduced "he was about to say 'wow you aren't nearly as pretty as Todd said you were." If she were ugly, that would have been cruel. But, since she is very good looking, it was mildly amusing. > I am not saying, Dan,that this is your opinion one way or another and I hope > no one thinks I am defending N-word jokes. I only wonder about the whole P-C > view of not offending anyone or anything. Its actually a good question, I think. Jokes about race, done right, can have a wonderful effect of injecting good will. And, I do think that some folks are sensitive about things that are not really slights. But, the point to most n*** jokes is that blacks really are inferior. When the very idea of people actually believing that becomes as silly as thinking Poles are inherently inferior, then the jokes will be funny because they will be about something else. That reminds me of the time I told a Jewish joke 10 years ago. The folks who heard I was going to say it, closed the door, saying that the secretary was Jewish. I then told the joke: Did you hear McDonald's is now selling kosher cheeseburgers in Israel? No. Yea, you order one, get the cheese and the top half of the bun, and then drive down the road 100 km and get the beef and the bottom half of the bun at another McDonalds. After I told that, I opened the door and retold it to the Jewish secretary. It turns out that she wasn't keeping kosher, because I had to explain that particular dietary law to her. She didn't think it was all that funny, but it wasn't insulting either. Dan M.
