Yeah, we had a guy at one dance complain bitterly that other men were being creepy with his girlfriend. But when I spoke with her, she said there was no problem, they'd done no more than gypsy and swing her and occasionally speak to her with advice on the dance. The more I spoke with the two of them the more I wanted to yell at the woman - run fast, very fast, as far away from this control freak as you can!!!! But I suppose it was not my place to warn her right in front of him. No surprise they never returned.
Martha On Sep 9, 2015, at 7:39 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote: > Appreciate that. Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue > applies here, though. It would if there were several different women > complaining about one man... > > -------------------- > Lindsay Morris > CEO, TSMworks > Tel. 1-859-539-9900 > lind...@tsmworks.com > > On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner <contra...@gmail.com> wrote: > Hi Lindsay, > > I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity comes > off as bruskness. > > These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra. > > As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source. > Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we ask > open-ended questions, and not leading questions. > > We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular announcements > about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members of our board > attend any dance. > > You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're > interested in more specifics. > > I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an > accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every > accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up. > > That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The > biggest benefit is simple: > > Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a simple > misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. But wait > until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers and the > resolution will need to be more severe for the offender. > > Best regards, > Ron Blechner > > On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" > <callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: > Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions on dealing with problem dancers, and the > CDU Policy are thoughtful and useful documents. > > We have a different problem here. > > One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as creepers or > sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of their victims. > The victims don't initiate these reports.* > > Many others don't see these men as creepy or inappropriate. Recently one of > the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year ago and > she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction. The man in question had > heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about some nameless > thing he'd done. > > This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should talk > to her about it. We feel that's the Board's job, not hers. > > It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing - > "naughty-dancer" problems. > > When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has to > wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already have. > So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face, it seems > to me that she's committing violence. > > How should we handle this? > I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim has to > speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple miscommunication > issues). > We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know who to > talk to. > But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues from > poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance? > > ____ > * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so > advocacy may be a good thing. But that's a different discussion. In these > situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an > accusation with little to back it up. > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > Callers@lists.sharedweight.net > http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net > > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > Callers@lists.sharedweight.net > http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net
