Well, I don't want to fan the flames in this normally cordial and helpful community. However, I'm here, and seeing what I'm seeing, and asking for perspective.
-------------------- Lindsay Morris CEO, TSMworks Tel. 1-859-539-9900 [email protected] On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 4:44 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers < [email protected]> wrote: > Harassment is real. It's widespread, and pretending it isn't hurts people > and keeps people away from our dances. > > Things I have personally witnessed, and when subsequently asked the dancer > whether anything was unusual, they confirmed: > > One dancer has a habit of grabbing hip *just* at the butt-line. One of the > young women was 15. > > Another dancer intentionally threw a quarter on the ground in front of a > young 20-something lady. I watched in horror as she bent over and picked it > up as he leered. > > One dancer did a frontways dip to a 20-something lady which included > torso-torso frontal contact. No permission was asked. > > Another dancer came in drunk / high and was dancing wild. > > Another dancer has a habit of intentionally shoulder-checked men who have > called him out on his creepiness. > > Another dancer was swinging way too close. Turns out he was following a > minor around and asking completely inappropriate questions. > > And I have more of these stories. Seriously, the list goes on and on. > > I've been dancing far fewer years than many on this list, and danced at > many different dances - this isn't limited to one dance community. And > these are just the stories I've verified. > So are all of your eyes closed? > > So... Yeah. I absolutely think that we should keep our eyes open. I think > we should calmly and privately inquire when we think we see inappropriate > behavior. We should be absolutely receptive that sometimes behavior is seen > and a victim is too afraid to step forward on their own. > > And we should stop with such flippant and potentially dangerous phrases > like "crying wolf" or that people need to just grow up and "act like an > adult" because bad stuff happens. > On Sep 9, 2015 4:04 PM, "Martha Wild via Callers" < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> Yeah, we had a guy at one dance complain bitterly that other men were >> being creepy with his girlfriend. But when I spoke with her, she said there >> was no problem, they'd done no more than gypsy and swing her and >> occasionally speak to her with advice on the dance. The more I spoke with >> the two of them the more I wanted to yell at the woman - run fast, very >> fast, as far away from this control freak as you can!!!! But I suppose it >> was not my place to warn her right in front of him. No surprise they never >> returned. >> >> Martha >> >> >> On Sep 9, 2015, at 7:39 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote: >> >> Appreciate that. Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" >> issue applies here, though. It would if there were several *different* >> women complaining about one man... >> >> -------------------- >> Lindsay Morris >> CEO, TSMworks >> Tel. 1-859-539-9900 >> [email protected] >> >> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> >>> Hi Lindsay, >>> >>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity >>> comes off as bruskness. >>> >>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra. >>> >>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source. >>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we >>> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions. >>> >>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular >>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members >>> of our board attend any dance. >>> >>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're >>> interested in more specifics. >>> >>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an >>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every >>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up. >>> >>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. >>> The biggest benefit is simple: >>> >>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a >>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. >>> But wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost >>> dancers and the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender. >>> >>> Best regards, >>> Ron Blechner >>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" < >>> [email protected]> wrote: >>> >>>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions >>>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Positive-Solutions-Chris.pdf> >>>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy >>>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/09-12-16-CDU-policy-on-inappropriate-behavior.pdf> >>>> are thoughtful and useful documents. >>>> >>>> We have a different problem here. >>>> >>>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as >>>> creepers or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of >>>> their victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.* >>>> >>>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate. >>>> Recently one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man >>>> was a year ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction. The >>>> man in question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy >>>> about some nameless thing he'd done. >>>> >>>> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed >>>> should talk to her about it. We feel that's the Board's job, not hers. >>>> >>>> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing - >>>> "naughty-dancer" problems. >>>> >>>> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife >>>> has to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may >>>> already have. So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the >>>> face, it seems to me that she's committing violence. >>>> >>>> How should we handle this? >>>> >>>> - I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim >>>> has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple >>>> miscommunication issues). >>>> - We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims >>>> know who to talk to. >>>> >>>> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues >>>> from poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance? >>>> >>>> ____ >>>> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, >>>> so advocacy may be a good thing. But that's a different discussion. In >>>> these situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an >>>> accusation with little to back it up. >>>> >>>> _______________________________________________ >>>> Callers mailing list >>>> [email protected] >>>> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net >>>> >>>> >> _______________________________________________ >> Callers mailing list >> [email protected] >> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net >> >> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> Callers mailing list >> [email protected] >> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net >> >> > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > [email protected] > http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net > >
