A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successfull in his job and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate the best food, mixed with the best people. All was fine until one day the captain bought a parrot. The highlight of the parrot's day was going along to see the magician in action in the evening. During the magician's performances, the parrot would watch him very carefully during each trick, and immediately after the magician had completed the trick the parrot would call out in a loud squark, "It's up his sleeve, it's up his sleeve," or, "It's down his trousers, it's down his trousers," each time ruining the magician's trick. Well life was no longer as sweet and the magician started to struggle to satisfy the passengers. The magician naturally got very tired of the parrot and longed to kill it. Then one night in the middle of the magician's performances, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone was killed except for the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage, climbed aboard and collapsed. The parrot flew towards the magician and perched on the edge of the raft and stared at the magician. For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot did not take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir, and looked up not really knowing where he was or what had happened. He eventually found enough energy to sit up. He then noticed the parrot, who had not stopped focusing his eyes on him all this time. "Alright I give up ..." chirped the parrot, "... what have you done with the ship?" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Regard, Lil On Aug 25, 6:57 pm, Lílian <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > THE KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: > > On a special teacher's day. a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts > from her pupils. > > The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her > head, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers. " > "That's right!" said the boy. "But how did you know?" Just a wild > guess, she said. > > The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held > her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it > is... a box of candy. "That's right!" But how did you know?" asked the > girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. > > The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held > it Over her head but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage > with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy > replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of > the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy > replied. > The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" > > The boy replied, "A puppy!" > > Lil > > On Aug 25, 5:20 pm, Lílian <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > > > FULFILLING THEIR REQUESTS: > > > There were three men who died and before God would let them into > > heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. > > > The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times > > smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter. > > > The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 > > times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter. > > > The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me > > better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter. > > > So God made him a WOMAN!! (HI HI HI ) > > > Hey, guys, no hard feelings heheheeheh, > > > Lil > > > On Aug 25, 11:16 am, "anurag barthwal" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > > A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." > > > > The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" > > > > The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my > > > knee > > > - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." > > > > The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your > > > finger!" > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is > > > it > > > a boy or a girl? > > > > B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. > > > > A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. > > > > B: I'm not. I'm her mother. > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > Two goldfish in a bowl talking: > > > > Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? > > > > Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > Son: Dad, what is an idiot? > > > > Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange > > > and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand > > > him. Do you understand me? > > > > Son: No > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > Teacher: Why are you late? > > > > Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. > > > > Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? > > > > Student: No. I was standing on it. > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were > > > carrying > > > it. > > > > Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot. > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > Father: What did you do today to help your mother? > > > > Son: I dried the dishes > > > > Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces. > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > A: Why are all those people running? > > > > B: They are running a race to get a cup. > > > > A: Who will get the cup? > > > > B: The person who wins. > > > > A: Then why are all the others running? > > > > ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° > > > > Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire. > > > > Doctor: Drink this glass of water. > > > > Patient: Will it make me better? > > > > Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. > > > > * * * * * * > > > To download mp3 files, to listen to these jokes, visit the following link > > > : > > > >http://www.manythings.org/jokes/ > > > > * * * * * * > > > ELC- Hide quoted text - > > > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - > > - Show quoted text - --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "English Learner's Cafe" group. 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