--- In [email protected], "Llundrub" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > In other words the I am' ness (self) has to differentiate from the I > as an organizing function, that is doing mistakes and learning from > them. When this differentiation has not happened, the self (I am' > ness) is vulnerable in the heavy swell of life and also the I as > organizing function can have more difficulties in learning and making > calm and honest observations. > > Irmeli > > ---But also one learns from their mistakes and tries next time to be more of a master and less of a fool. I had a job where I was in charge of a production crew of 6 people where the chef stressed me out every second and where I worked from 5 AM until 11 PM every single day, 6 days straight a week. I also made employee meal three times a day and was usually too busy to eat it more than once. The situation was such that it was a brand new restaurant where everything changed constantly. I became a total asshole and really bossy and demanding with everyone. I saw what kind of person I was under pressure. I was the worst of all possible people. I would like to think that I have changed. But I haven't. All I can know is what I'm like and pray that I not be so reprehensible again. Because I didn't like myself either. This was 6 years ago. At that time as well, I was a completely straight person, no dope, no drinking, nothing. I was a prick. And a failure at keeping cool. I made a vow to not be such an asshole ever again. One that I have broken, but it was at least a goal. I would like to think I'm a bit better now. If I didn't take it all so hard myself I would still be just as bad today. >
**** I can relate to your story. Before I had the realization at 16, that I don't need to be anything at all, life doesn't expect that from me, life accepts me as a nothing, I was a mess. I had serious difficulties in communicating, I was withdrawn, stuttering. Every time I tried to improve myself, I failed and it seemed I got only worse. I felt to be a failure and felt that in this way it didn't make sense to continue living. Then when feeling myself to be completely in a dead end, the realization happened. It didn't change my shortcomings, but I was at peace with them. Gradually improvements started to happen, but there has also been setbacks and challenges later too. But never more have I felt myself to be a failure because of them. This inner stability doesn't mean that you don't feel disappointments. But the self doesn't identify with the feeling and just observes and feels it. And that way it becomes really possible to work with emotions. I would like to write even more about those times, but just now I'm leaving the computer for the weekend in the countryside. Irmeli To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
