(With fond memories of the inspirational MUT23K days, like here: <http://tinyurl.com/yedn2v3
>)
<insert X-Games-ish show fanfare and three-dee effects logo>
<Cut to announcer's booth>
Bob: "Annnd welcome to the Spring Apple Trollympics, twenty ten. I'm
Bob and this is my pal Tom, we're going to bring you the very best in
this year's competition. Tom?"
Tom: "Well, Bob, this season's iPad release is looking to be as good a
competition as the MacBook Air Games were in 2008. Who could forget
some of those classic maneuvers, like simultaneously achieving a good
troll and sexist snipe by saying that the 'MacBook air will only be
bought by dumb blond women looking for a fashion statement.'"
Bob: "You're exactly right, Tom, and all those dire predictions about
the MBA's complete failure in the marketplace due to it's unremovable
battery turned out so trollishly, didn't they."
Tom: "Oh ha, you're exactly right, Bob!"
Bob:"And now, a hush falls over the crowd as our first contestant
steps up to the starting line."
On Apr 6, 2010, at 7:46 PM, Christian Wacker wrote:
Honestly, I won't ever get an iPad until there's other OS choices.
There's a group working on Android for it (finally, a proper OS) and
Bob: "Oooh, and right out of the gate he does the classic 'not a real
OS' shot"
there's also a group out there who's porting Ubuntu to boot natively
(not emulated)
Tom: "Unfortunately, he bobbles this transition a little, clumsily
tacking on his compulsory Ubuntu reference."
Bob: "I'm still of the opinion that the compulsory routines are
stifling the creativity of Apple trolldom, Tom."
Plus, It won't ever be able to replace my laptop, which, with it's
15.4" wide screen display, it's 18 hours of FULL POWER battery life,
and it's physical keyboard, can also do something I rely on: VMs.
Bob: "But he roars back with a double-axel false equivalency, spurious
outlandish claim and right into his overhand cross peripheral and
specialized application landing! Well done!"
Tom: "Oh yes, the judges are going to love that one. I just worry
about the 18 hours battery life claim...it's a little too blatant for
some judges, but it's a hard trick to pull because he has to beat the
real numbers for the iPad. I also think the 'real keyboard' overhand
lob isn't going to be as effective with the judges as it was during
the iPhone Games, Bob."
Bob: "Well, that's what market domination will do to the game, Tom. A
good troller has to come up with new moves. "
Going into computer science, I'd be laughed right out of the classes
if I were to walk in with an iPad... (A JooJoo or WePad on the
otherhand... probably not.)
Tom: "And he's finishing strong, with a strawman double-lutz..."
Anyways, I've used one, can't say it's really anything special.
Bob: "Masterful, he inserts the 'I've used one' forward somersault
time limiter. Of course we know he's not used one for more than a day,
at most."
Tom: "And given that the JoJo and WePad haven't even shipped, that's a
good troll."
The
only reason everyone seems to be falling over it is because Steve
released it with the shiny apple.
Tom: "And he continues with the Steve Jobs/RDF Spin. A widely used
move..."
If you were to take the shiny apple
name from the product, and name it something decent,
Bob: "And he extends it with the 'it's got a funny name' Beavis and
Butthead loop-de-loop!"
it'll get shoved
under the rug with the rest of them, guaranteed.
Tom: "And sticks the landing with the unverifiable claim!"
(PS, I'm not apple basing, I"m opinionating.)
Bob: "Ohhh, that's disappointing, and at at the very end of a good
run, too!"
Tom: "That's gonna hurt his score, Bob, a lame attempt at untrolling.
We'll have to see if the judges can overlook that in view of his
entire run."
Bob: "Yeah, the one to watch will be the Russian judges, Tom, they're
very strict about this...."
Tom: "And he missed his compulsory 'fanboi' reference, which is going
to hurt his score as well."
<insert shots of crowd awaiting the scores. A roar goes up>
Bob: "Well that's a good score, 78.9. And as we thought, the Russian
judge counted those lapses against him, but we drop the low and high
scores, and that puts Mr. Wacker in a strong position out of the gate.
His next run pretty much has to include the 'fanboi'."
Tom:" And our next competitor is lining up..."
On Apr 6, 2010, at 12:56 PM, Thomas Ethen wrote:
I don't really get it, since I can purchase a 12" 1.5Ghz Powerbook
that is
about the same size as the iPad,
Bob:" Oh he starts with the false equivalency flip."
Tom: "Of course he knows that old, obsolete Powerbook weighs about
three times as much as the iPad..."
actually is a computer with a keyboard,
Bob: "Ouch, and JUST after three people discussed the bluetooth
keyboard for the iPad, too."
has
WIFI and will connect to the internet anywhere using a USB wireless
modem.
Bob: "Oh, he's just not getting anywhere. He's got a 'real computer'
shot but it's severely degraded by his simple 'it has wifi too' 360
spin. "
That will cost me $400 for the laptop on the high end used, and $80
for the
modem, giving me much more computing power for less money than the
lowest
priced iPad.
Tom: "Oh, and here we go with the mythical numbers front pike..."
Bob: "Yep, like he thinks the judges don't realize that the modem
costs $60 a month!"
I guess some people have more money to spend on expensive toys than
I do!
Bob: "A game try, he got in the compulsory 'toy' reference', but he
lacked some of the real intensity needed for today's competition."
Tom: "You're absolutely right, Bob, he needed to work in a classist
snipe at the iPad buyers as 'elitist' or 'Mercedes-owning' or even
'latte-drinking', or go to the straight up sexism of 'it's too girly'
to really get a rise from the judges in this year's Games. "
Bob: "He's just rehashing old routines from the MacBook Air finals of
two years ago, and doing it in a pretty tired fashion. I don't know
what's up, but he was just not on his game today, and that's a bad
thing here at the Trollympics!"
<insert shot of crowd going "oooohhhh" in a disappointed fashion>
Tom: "Ouch, the judges make their opinions known, only a 48 for that
run. I don't think Mr. Ethan's going to end up on the podium this
time, Bob!"
Bob: "I don't think so, either, Tom. Well, Trollympics fans, stick
around, we have to go off for a few words from our sponsors, but I'm
sure we'll be back with much more exciting Spring Trollympics action!"
--
Bruce Johnson
University of Arizona
College of Pharmacy
Information Technology Group
Institutions do not have opinions, merely customs
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