> -----Original Message-----
> From: IBM Mainframe Discussion List [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On
Behalf Of McKown, John
> Sent: Sunday, January 07, 2007 16:46
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: Just another example of mainframe costs.
>
> I don't want to change how JCL works. I want to totally eliminate JCL.
> <snip>
> --
> John McKown
> Senior Systems Programmer
> HealthMarkets
> Keeping the Promise of Affordable Coverage Administrative Services Group
Information Technology
>
>From "A Monty Python History of Systems Programming"...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Armonk domine, dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Armonk domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Armonk domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
CROWD:
A witch! A witch!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Armonk domine...
[bonk]
CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A
witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn him! Burn
him! Burn him! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A
witch!
PROGRAMMER #1:
We have found a witch. May we burn him?
CROWD:
Burn him! Burn! Burn him! Burn him!
OPS MANAGER:
How do you know he is a witch?
PROGRAMMER #2:
He looks like one. And 'e doesn't like JCL!
CROWD:
Right! Yeah! Yeah!
OPS MANAGER:
Bring him forward.
WITCH:
I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
OPS MANAGER:
Uh, but you are dressed as one. And you don't like JCL!
WITCH:
They dressed me up like this. And I think REXX or Python is better!
CROWD:
Augh, we didn't! It's not! We didn't...
WITCH:
And this isn't my plastic pocket protector. It's a false one.
OPS MANAGER:
Well?
PROGRAMMER #1:
Well, we did do the plastic pocket protector.
OPS MANAGER:
The plastic pocket protector?
PROGRAMMER #1:
And the white socks with the black shoes, but he is a witch!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Yeah!
CROWD:
We burn him! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
OPS MANAGER:
Did you dress him up like this?
PROGRAMMER #1:
No!
PROGRAMMER #2 and 3:
No. No.
PROGRAMMER #2:
No.
PROGRAMMER #1:
No.
PROGRAMMERS #2 and #3:
No.
PROGRAMMER #1:
Yes.
PROGRAMMER #2:
Yes.
PROGRAMMER #1:
Yes. Yeah, a bit.
PROGRAMMER #3:
A bit.
PROGRAMMERS #1 and #2:
A bit.
PROGRAMMER #3:
A bit.
PROGRAMMER #1:
He has got a wart.
RANDOM:
[cough]
OPS MANAGER:
What makes you think he is a witch?
PROGRAMMER #3:
Well, he turned me into a S0C4 Abend!
OPS MANAGER:
A S0C4 Abend?
PROGRAMMER #3:
...I got better.
PROGRAMMER #2:
Burn him anyway!
PROGRAMMER #1:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn him! Burn! Burn him!...
OPS MANAGER:
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a
witch.
PROGRAMMER #1:
Are there?
PROGRAMMER #2:
Ah?
PROGRAMMER #1:
What are they?
CROWD:
Tell us! Tell us!...
OPS MANAGER:
Tell me. What do you do with witches?
PROGRAMMER #2:
Burn!
PROGRAMMER #1:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
OPS MANAGER:
And what do you burn apart from witches?
PROGRAMMER #1:
More witches!
PROGRAMMER #3:
Shh!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Wood!
OPS MANAGER:
So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
PROGRAMMER #3:
B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
OPS MANAGER:
Good! Heh heh.
CROWD:
Oh, yeah. Oh.
OPS MANAGER:
So, how do we tell whether he is made of wood?
PROGRAMMER #1:
Build a bridge out of him.
OPS MANAGER:
Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
PROGRAMMER #1:
Oh, yeah.
RANDOM:
Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
OPS MANAGER:
Does wood sink in water?
PROGRAMMER #1:
No. No.
PROGRAMMER #2:
No, it floats! It floats!
PROGRAMMER #1:
Throw him into the pond!
CROWD:
The pond! Throw him into the pond!
OPS MANAGER:
What also floats in water?
PROGRAMMER #1:
Bread!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Apples!
PROGRAMMER #3:
Uh, very small rocks!
PROGRAMMER #1:
Cider!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Uh, gra-- gravy!
PROGRAMMER #1:
Cherries!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Mud!
PROGRAMMER #3:
Uh, churches! Churches!
PROGRAMMER #2:
Lead! Lead!
IBM TECHNICAL SUPPORT REPRESENTATIVE:
A JCL deck!
CROWD:
Oooh.
OPS MANAGER:
Exactly. So, logically...
PROGRAMMER #1:
If... he... weighs... the same as a JCL deck,... e's made of wood.
OPS MANAGER:
And therefore?
PROGRAMMER #2:
A witch!
PROGRAMMER #1:
A witch!
CROWD:
A witch! A witch!...
PROGRAMMER #4:
He is a witch. Use this Assembler Link/Edit deck!
[quack quack quack]
OPS MANAGER:
Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD:
Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!
Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Ahh! Ahh...
OPS MANAGER:
Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]
[scales balance]
CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH:
It's a fair cop.
PROGRAMMER #3:
Burn him!
CROWD:
Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn! Burn!...
OPS MANAGER:
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of Systems Programming?
IBM TECHNICAL SUPPORT REPRESENTATIVE:
I am your IBM Technical Support Representative.
OPS MANAGER:
My liege!
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
For IBM-MAIN subscribe / signoff / archive access instructions,
send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the message: GET IBM-MAIN INFO
Search the archives at http://bama.ua.edu/archives/ibm-main.html
