On Wed, March 28, 2007 4:05 pm, Gabriel Sechan wrote: >>Well thanks for your honesty. If you also allow your wife to leave you >> if >>she finds some characteristic in you or a condition she doesn't like then >>it sounds like you are being consistent. I hope she doesn't have bad >>pizza someday and decide to leave you for some flimsy reason. And I >>assume if we asked her she'd agree that's the deal?...that she isn't >>assuming you'll stick around if you find something displeasing in her? >> > You know, I think this post perfectly shows your problems in this > conversation. You look at everything in terms of absolutes. You must be > absolutely committed, or not committed at all.
I appreciate your post. If you reread my post above you'll see I never told him he had to do anything. I was just making clear *his* decisions and pointing out worries that *I* would have. I even gave him a compliment by saying he was being consistent (if he really means what he said). So I'm not sure why that seemed to bother you so much. > Its the same thing in relationships. Commitment does not have to, and > usually does not mean you're committed until the end of eternity. The > idea > that it does is quite frankly stupid- to make that kind of commitment > both > people would need to be static entities- to never change, to never grow. > Noone can make that type of commitment, because a promise to never change > is > not one a person can honestly make- we can't control how circumstances > shape us. You seem to be associating commitment with not being able to change. Me and my wife are VERY different from the people we were 14 years ago when we got married. > Nor do relationships stay at the same > level- they all start out on the 0 commitment side, and slide up and down > the scale over the life of the relationship. Commitment is a *decision* not a *feeling*. I agree that *feelings* may go up and down but a decision is something you have 100% control over to make or not make. > the vast majority of people don't need that level, and many don't want it. Are you saying the *vast* majority *don't* want their spouses completely committed to them? > The level you expect to have would quite frankly scare me, it would > require > one or both people to subjugate their personality to the relationship. I'm not sure what you mean by this. My wife and I are completely committed to each other and it *frees* us to be everything we want to be. I try to support her and she supports me in my goals and ambitions. It is a give and take. It frees us because we aren't worried that the other person will leave because we are committed to each other. Maybe I missed something. Chris -- [email protected] http://www.kernel-panic.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/kplug-list
