Thanks for the suggestion (or prodding) Rigsy, I really believe there are 
others around me hearing what I say. It might be this sad persona I keep 
wearing, too much crap comes out and dominates my output in so many areas. 
Perhaps I am tiring of the realization of not living up to potential, that 
is a constant feeling I carry and very negative. But when I try things just 
get so complicated and overwhelming.

Well, how do people manage to be successful being themselves? Not sure, 
maybe I should read up on some of that self-help junk. Now at which age did 
I lose my identity(?)... o.O

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