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Ann,
I think you are right - I think that after a "birth rape"
experience a woman does not find closure at all.
I think that if she is as lucky as i have been and finds wonderful
people like all of you to both vent to and to shed some understanding of
the situation and hope of it not recurring, then she may find acceptance
of what has happened and find a way to live with it as an unfortunate
thing that happened. I don't think that anyone can really
find closure to something so traumatic which has no closure - closure to
me insinuates an understanding of the reason why and acceptance of
it. I don't think there can ever be true closure because
there is no real reason "Why?" there is no answer.
I found closure after the traumatic yet acceptable birth of my
daughter, I got sick with Pre eclampsia - there was a reason.
With my son there was NO reason for the stupidity and cruelty of
them and therefore there can never be true closure.
Hope that makes sence as I know for many midwives who have been
unable to protect women from these things that their inner torment has
no closure - there is just an acceptance of the things we cannot change
and a strength to change the events of the future to prevent a
recurance.
Regards
Rhonda.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Saturday,
November 09, 2002 22:17:05
Subject: Re:
[ozmidwifery] another horror story: closure is a myth
Dear list,
On a film/documentary on rape a
counsellor made the
following statement,"Closure is a myth, a woman
after
being raped is never the same."She then quoted a case
where
a woman never slept more than 2-3 hours,wore
runners to bed( she
thought that if she had being
wearing runners she could have escaped)
and her
marriage broke up.I thought after a horrible birth a
woman
is never the same.I know I am not the same woman
before I had Edwina
almost 4 years ago.I changed
insurance co. so a homebirth would be
covered and soon
after having Samuel we changed to just basic cover
as
I no longer trusted private hospitals( Edwina was born
in a
private hospital).I also started setting
boundaries with people and
with the time and money
saved started a small investment
portfolio.This has
grown over time to possibly giving us in the next
1-2
years a basic income.Is this better than before?Quite
honestly
I don't know but it is 'different' to where I
was 4 years ago.Ann ---
Andrea Bilcliff
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote: > MessageYesterday I
heard about a woman who
birthed
> recently. She arrived at hospital already 5cm
>
dilated after just having a 'show' at home. She was
> pressured
into having an ARM to 'get things moving
> along' (?!?!). This was
her first baby and he was
> born with the aid of forceps (after a
failed vacuum
> extraction) just four hours later for failure
to
> progress! There was no fetal distress prior to the
>
birth but her baby needed resuscitation and went
> 'battered &
bruised' to the nursery. She was told
> that if her baby had gone
to term (he was 10 days
> 'early') he would have died because the
cord was
> around his neck! The woman developed an
infection
> and is having breastfeeding problems.
> Needless
to say she wants a homebirth if there is a
> next time.
>
Vicki's right...it is tragic : (
> Andrea B
>
> -----
Original Message -----
> From: Vicki Chan
> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Sent: Friday, November 08, 2002 12:37 AM
> Subject:
[ozmidwifery] another horror story
>
>
> A woman I
spoke to yesterday spoke of her
> starstruck obstetrician being
overly excited about
> the celeb status of her husband...her
labour was
> rocking along beautifully but it didnt look
like
> hubby would make it for the birth...the ob arranged
>
for her to have an epidural which rendered her
> incapacitated
when her husband finally made it... no
> problem! that's why God
invented Vacuum
> Extractors!! Her first babe she'd managed to
birth
> unaided. Tragic!
>
> We could (and will, no
doubt) go on!
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