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Phew...sounds like she is really getting things off her chest and I don't
blame her. Husbands can be difficult creatures, believe me I know, especially
since my husband won't consent to a homebirth for completely irrational reasons
but that is another topic...
Anyway, I think she is taking the right approach by taking her time to
bring him around to her way of thinking and by doing it in such a way that he
thinks it was all his idea... men can be funny like that. However, sounds to me
like he is pretty misinformed about a couple of issues--especially sun damage--
and needs a gentle wake-up call before he himself gets skin cancer. I was never
given sun cream as a child and ended up with huge blisters on my arm at 4
years-old. The damage from this lack of proper skin-care has resulted in me
having sun spots removed from my arm which is not exactly fun. I have to get my
skin checked at least once a year to make sure that the damage I had experienced
as a child does not end up as skin cancer. Your skin does not get used to the
sun--it's that kind of logic that increases our skin cancer rates. There are
non-toxic products available to help against sun damage (hats, zinc cream, big
shirts with collars etc) and with babies' skin being so delicate they need all
the protection they can get. Eye damage is another big problem these days. How
many people do you know who have growths on their eyeballs due to sun damage. I
know quite a few.
It
sounds to me that Alice's husband just needs some time to adjust to being a dad.
He's probably built up all kinds of expectations but in time he will learn that
little Luna will do as she pleases and won't conform to anyone else's ideas of
who she must be or how she must be... she will just be
herself.
The
pond issue will probably resolve itself. They have some time to change his mind
about that one and as soon as little Luna crawls to the edge of any pool or body
of water his paternal instincts will kick in and he will see the dangers for
himself. Let's hope so anyway!
As for
thinking his baby is not like other children? Well, I can only concur. My little
one is not like anyone else's either! All children are so unique and
special!
Please
wish your friend the best in her diplomatic mission and reassure her that a lot
of husbands are exactly the same until they see a need for action or change
themselves. My husband thought I was overly paranoid about a few things and has
had to endure a few "I told you so's" from me over the past few years. : ), but
then again so have I.
Cheers,
Cas
McCullough
Dear All,
Here's the latest from Alice. She
needs support not with Luna, but with her man. As I've never parented with a
partner, I am no expert at dealing with off the planet fathers. Any and all
advice welcome please!
Aviva
----- Original Message -----
From alice
Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2003 10:58 AM
Subject: howdy
Hi Aviva,
Hope you're well. I've been having a great
time with Luna's night time sleeping! Proud to say that she slept from
10pm till 5:30am this morning - woo hoo - what a little gem!
On another note, we have a slight issue on the
domestic front. As part of Jonathan's master plan for the garden, he has
dug a hole for a pond on the flower side of the garden (as opposed to the
native low-water side) and it just dawned on me that this is basically a death
trap for a toddler which i brought gently to his attention, merely suggesting
that we need to make it child safe or not at all. And the next day
Jonathan said in these exact words "I have come to the conclusion with the
pond issue that I want to keep the pond and since it's too hard to build
a fence around it, we can never let Luna out of our sight and it won't be a
problem." This comment is clear evidence that he has absolutely no idea what
looking after a toddler will entail, so i have come to the conclusion that we
are not having a pond and now it is my challenge to find a way for Jonathan to
think it's his idea not to keep the pond.....hmmm....especially since i will
be the one caring for her most of the time, and especially since it would
probably be when daddy is looking after her that she gets out of his sight
quite often, i will not have this impending danger on my doorstep every
day. Sometimes he is so unrealistic i find it very frustrating, like i'm
the one who always has to bring him back down to earth with a hard thud.
Also, you know how we are going to the Rainbow Serpent festival 24-26
Jan? Well, that's all cool, i'm confident everything will go relatively
smoothly (despite Jonathan's objections about protecting Luna from the sun
"She has to get used to it sometime") and we have been given a 2 for 1 voucher
for the movies, which is for that week as well. So Jonathan says "Cool,
we can go and see the movie the night before we go to the festival, your
parents can look after Luna with a bottle of your breastmilk, then we will go
to the festival the next day." Ok, for a start i don't want to give her
a bottle yet, also i don't want her first babysitting experience to be right
before we go camping because it is bound to upset her routine, and besides i
don't really give a shit about the movie, so he can take his friend,
Sam. I'm happy to stay home and rest and get prepared for our
adventure.
Jonathan's attitude to the sun really pisses me off. YOu can tell
he grew up in Canada, not Australia. Besides that he gets sunburnt
nearly every day at work, tells me it's a 'controlled burn' to build up a
tolerance to the sun!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!! He says that since we will be
enjoying an outdoor type beachy lifestyle eventually, there is no point
protecting her from the sun, she needs to build up a resistance. So i
told him that if i see him with her out in the sun unprotected for one second
i'm going to bash him. It's as if he has no idea about the fragility of
a baby. He thinks i'm overreacting to the dangers of the sun. Even
when we are outside and it's not that sunny, she still squints from the glare
of the sky, even when we are under shade and Jonathan's like "Well she has to
get used to it" and of course she will but she's only a baby!!!!
Everything's very sensitive right now, she has only just entered this
world! No amount of forcing her to look at glare is going to help her
eyes, Jonathan has this thing about building up her tolerance for things which
in a way is true, but geez, need to be aware of her development, which he has
no interest in since 'our baby is not like other babies'. I can see his
point, but i feel like he is forcing things on her before she is ready, and he
has no interest in finding out about when she might be ready,
or accepting the observation that she's obviously not ready, just
wants her to grow up and accept the way he wants her to be before she is
ready. I feel like telling him to piss of for a few months so she can
just be a baby for a while then come back, maybe a few years.
Well, of course i am exaggerating. He is a brilliant dad and very
affectionate and caring with LUna, but sometimes his head is in the
clouds. Sorry to sound like this is a bitch session about Jonathan,
but these things are on my mind and they will be dealt with successfully,
i just have to get it off my chest, helps me look at the situation more
rationally. He is a gem and i love him to bits, but it just seems like
lately i have to be the sensible one, moreso since he is so unrealistic at
times, and i hate seeming like a party pooper to burst his unrealistic bubble
all the time. It's ok, we'll be fine, just need to deal with it in such
a way as not to damage his delicate male ego, and explain things to him so he
thinks it's a good idea rather than telling him off. God, i have to be
such a diplomat lately!!!!!
Anyway, it would be great to see you sometime, just let me know when's
good for you,
Alice xxx
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