>"If I'll have you?" Julia sat forward herself, looking at him with a
>measure
>of confusion "Derek, If I'll have you? If I didn't know better I would say
>it sounded like you didn't know I already love you more than life itself."
>
>"And our child," she pointed that word out with a lift of her brow "Will
>have your name. We don't have to be married these days for the child to
>carry their father's name. And I know you love me, I know you love me as
>much as I love you. But so far I haven't heard a good enough reason to get
>married."
>
>There was just something about the mention of marriage now, of all times,
>that didn't sit well with her.
>
>And she knew why.
>
>She stood up and actually paced a couple of times before stopping and
>looking at him. Without realizing it she had also been lightly rubbing her
>still flat stomach. An action to do while thinking maybe.
>
>"I want to know why, after the time we've already spent together and
>knowing
>how we felt about one another and you obviously being okay without
>marriage,
>you want it now. And you have thought about it before... just said you
>figure you'd be alone or single for the rest of your life. You've been
>'unsingle' long enough to be expecting a child."
>
>"Ugh," she made a small sound of frustration "What I want to know is why
>now
>and does it have anything to do with the fact your mother might disapprove
>of your relationship if we don't get married? Is that what's motivating
>you?"
>
>She had to know. She just couldn't bare the thought that he was asking her
>because of something else other the HE wanted it. And she wasn't sure
>why..
>but he didn't exactly fit the bill of someone really wanting to do the deed
>and there was no way she would even consider it if she thought he didn't
>really want it, for the right reasons.
>
Derek wasn't quite sure what to say to all this. It was beginning to look
as though this conversation could turn into a fight. What was so wrong
about wanting the three of them to be a real family, paper work and all. He
wasn't entirely sure what it was he was doing wrong, but it had to be
something to ilicit such a reaction.
"I wrote off the possibility of being married a long time ago," he told her.
"Before you ever came back. It honestly hadn't even crossed my mind until
today." This wasn't helping, he was sure of it. "I just conditioned myself
not to think about such things. My mother bringing it up is what prompted
me to think about it," he admitted. "But Julia, I've done many things that
she has not approved of in the past. That is not a motivating factor for
me. Yes, I do want her approval, but it's not a necessity. Nor would our
marital status change the way she would feel for the baby." Of this he was
certain. "Perhaps I'm not going about this the right way," he said feeling
rather frustrated himself. Expressing himself in certain situations had
never been his strong suit.
He lifted a hand and motioned for her to come over to where he was sitting.
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