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Hey Eric,
My niece has a mo-in-law from Hell but Amy's Mom makes her look like a saint!
I may have misread or got confused at the end of your email but you first wrote"
"Anyway, Amy knows her mother is way to stressful to tell before she's
well into her third trimester, but we're thinking about not telling them
before at all. Amy's afraid that, if her mother comes to see her in the
hospital, she will say something horrible and ruin the birth
experience. She hasn't decided whether to call afterwards or just send
her parents a birth announcement. I said we should just send them a
high school graduation picture. lol This is just for the birth."
and then wrote:
"They will ask her to bring the baby over but only if she comes alone. That's what they told her at Christmas."
So DOES her mother know of the pregnancy or not? Or is the last sentence above meaning
IF Amy ever got pregnant?
Sometimes men REALLY have to look at what they're getting themselves into. But, with a baby coming now,
it's irrelevant.
My advice is that you ARE a couple now. And couple's need to set boundaries as to what is and isn't
allowed to go on regarding extended family, friends, etc to ENSURE BOTH OF YOU of happiness.
I watch Dr. Phil alot and his advice to couples and in-laws (for a wedding as one example) is that
IT IS THE BRIDE AND GROOM'S DAY -- NO ONE ELSE'S! They can invite who they want, where
they want and when they want. The same holds true for other instances.
You and Amy need to sit down and talk extensively as the adults you are. Amy must
respect your needs & wishes as you respect hers. Boundaries and timelines to LAY DOWN THE
LAW need to happen starting TODAY!
My niece and her husband have let his mother wreak havoc upon their lives because of not
saying "no" when they've needed to. And much more. They've enabled her for 7 yrs now to
be the invasive bitch she is. NOW they're scrambling to reconstruct and set boundaries after
7 yrs of essentially teaching her it's ok to be a burden and thorn in their lives. PAYING THE
PRICE.
THEY DIDN'T STOP IT THEN. YOU & AMY HAVE THAT CHANCE NOW!
What worries me the most is you saying that Amy has a severe need for family approval especially
from mommy. That in itself is a recipe for disaster because she'll NEVER meet up to this woman's
expectations. And Amy needs to KNOW this ... prolly via counseling.
And I hate to ring this bell but ALL TOO OFTEN ... men learn later that they've married
their mother-in-law. Women OFTEN take after their mothers and it may take 20 yrs to see it but it's true.
It is my opinion that knowing of this apple cart and bringing a baby into it is a crime. I'm NOT
saying to have an abortion. I'm just surprised the family situation is that dysfunctional and
pregnancy happened. You're smart enough Eric to have taken all precautions AGAINST
pregnancy until the time was right. But that is irrelevant now too *sigh*
Amy needs counseling badly! Maybe individually and couple's counseling.
You need to stop the insanity before it ruins your life. I've seen it happen a hundred times.
You'll resent Amy in a few years unless action is taken beginning today! As the male ... your
role is to provide & protect. Letting this manipulator poison your life WILL kill your spirit in
a short time.
One idea ... so that Amy's Mom cannot hide in sheep's clothing ... is to get counseling from her Pastor!
Regardless of faith unless Catholic :-(
You mentioned many incidents. Now it's time for solutions! Boundary-setting AS A COUPLE
is a beginning.
Lori Michaelson
Age - 41
C4/5 complete quad, 26 years post
Tucson, AZ
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