I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING QUAD SHIT ANYMORE! I want to take ALL my pain pills before I go to sleep tonight and NEVER wake up again-- EVER. I've been in this chair 39 FUCKING YEARS and it's getting harder every single year. I'm so stressed out about what is coming down the pike to ADD on to what I'm ALREADY going through. My pain in my neck from the srynix is unreliably OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! I saw and spoke to my pain management Doctor today and he increased my morphine. I filled the RX today and am EXTREMELY tempted to take them all tonight or the next day. Pete and me have been auguring about EVERYTHING FUCKIG thing. I calmly suggested we get a break from each other some how because he has been taking care of me full-time 24/7/365 for over 27 YEARS!!!!!!!! I have a very good friend who is willing to come stay with me but he is afraid she won't do SOMTHING right and he will have to "fix it". He won't let my mother over her anymore for the past 4 month, I have to sneak out and lie to him to see my mother and I don't know why. I want this all to end! We were thinking of going to the movies tomorrow but he wants to see "Batman" and i'll see something else, but my movie will get out 1/2 hour before his - he said he doesn't want to leave me alone for that long, that I might go into the parking lot and get hurt. What's he talking about. I said to him I'M 57 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! I'll just sit in the lobby or just outside and read my book. I like being alone for a little bit. I want to run away, far, far away. If I break up with him I wouldn't get enough help because he dose SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than is on paper. Besides I love him so very much and would miss him like crazy. I just started seeing a councilor because I've been EXTREMELY depressed. I've been telling her how he is isolating me more and more so next time I go she wants to talk to both of us. Pete said "I don't know if I want to talk to her. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do.
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