I can completely relate to what all you guys are feeling and saying. I think life can be very hard at times for everyone--even able bodied people. Close friends of my wife and I, whom we have known since we were very young........call or text my wife quite often about how it's so hard to go on--She had never been able to have children and that bothers her a lot, her and her husband own their home and 2 newer cars, plus own some land, and have great good paying jobs. We just try to encourage them and pray for them. At times I feel like you do Bobbie----But I think we don't really want to die,,, but for things to just be better and enjoy life as much as possible. My wife gets very tired at times, working full time plus caring for me and one of our oldest grandkids who has to live with us because his mom is on drugs. She gets so sick of some of the routines but god gives us strength to carry on. Ron that is awful that your Dad talks to you that way, but I don't believe we should ever take our own lives, We don't always have all the right answers to lifes often complicated matters. I know a few on here don't believe in god but I sure do......One of the commandments says (thou shall not kill ) and in the aramaic or original hebrew it means thou shall not ( murder ) I have felt like you at times too Bobbie., But I try to dwell on what I do have, and the good things in life. Lately I've been reading inspirational stories online- they can help lift your spirit also. I just reached the 15 year mark as a Quad on August 3rd----I have a syrinx and awful pain at times but some days are very good, I try to enjoy those good days. Getting up and getting going each day as a quad growing old is tough !!!!! My wife must get me up at around 6:30 in the morning to make it to work---Man I feel like the dead arising with rigamortis lol A cup of coffee helps my aching bones and body slowly come back to life - lol. I better stop before I write a book here --Anyway you guys and our friends on here have helped a lot over the years, May god bless you all and give you and all Caregivers strength for each new day we are here on Earth. Dan H*** c-6 15 + years post- St.Louis, Mo.area ( car accident ).
________________________________ From: RONALD L PRACHT <[email protected]> To: [email protected] Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:36:44 PM Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bobbie, I can relate to how you feel..........im only 15 yrs into my injury and i have a syrinx, pain, van broke down, kicked out of my swim program and my gf broke up with me along with my father who is my caregiver who over a hundred times has told me to make an adaptive device and kill myself. All i can say is appreciate the small things, take one day at a time and consider all your alternatives before you do anything rash with pete because a stranger taking care of you is going to have many drawbacks as well. When im pushed to my limit I try to sleep more or get some kind of excercise so I canmake a rational decision i wont regret. In my opinion from what I know about you to make it 39 years you must have made many good decisions to get this far in quad life.......dont give up now, play it out and see what life has left to offer. Have you seen the movie True Grit? You must have grit to get this far! Ron c7 ________________________________ From: Bobbie Humphreys <[email protected]> To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]> Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:22:27 PM Subject: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING QUAD SHIT ANYMORE! I want to take ALL my pain pills before I go to sleep tonight and NEVER wake up again-- EVER. I've been in this chair 39 FUCKING YEARS and it's getting harder every single year. I'm so stressed out about what is coming down the pike to ADD on to what I'm ALREADY going through. My pain in my neck from the srynix is unreliably OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! I saw and spoke to my pain management Doctor today and he increased my morphine. I filled the RX today and am EXTREMELY tempted to take them all tonight or the next day. Pete and me have been auguring about EVERYTHING FUCKIG thing. I calmly suggested we get a break from each other some how because he has been taking care of me full-time 24/7/365 for over 27 YEARS!!!!!!!! I have a very good friend who is willing to come stay with me but he is afraid she won't do SOMTHING right and he will have to "fix it". He won't let my mother over her anymore for the past 4 month, I have to sneak out and lie to him to see my mother and I don't know why. I want this all to end! We were thinking of going to the movies tomorrow but he wants to see "Batman" and i'll see something else, but my movie will get out 1/2 hour before his - he said he doesn't want to leave me alone for that long, that I might go into the parking lot and get hurt. What's he talking about. I said to him I'M 57 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! I'll just sit in the lobby or just outside and read my book. I like being alone for a little bit. I want to run away, far, far away. If I break up with him I wouldn't get enough help because he dose SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than is on paper. Besides I love him so very much and would miss him like crazy. I just started seeing a councilor because I've been EXTREMELY depressed. I've been telling her how he is isolating me more and more so next time I go she wants to talk to both of us. Pete said "I don't know if I want to talk to her. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. Sent from my iPad
