Bobbie,
I also can relate to what you're going through. I've had a very rough
summer with three hospital stays, surgery causing a wound that needed a skin
graft and another one caused by caregiver. Both wounds are not healed. It
makes you feel frustrated that you are not progressing quickly enough. I enjoy
reading devotionals and the Bible. I don't know if you are a believer, but
reading the word gives you hope. Many persons have been through worse
situation that we have and many of them gained more through their hardships.
It's always hard to have only one character per 24 4/7 as I have been in that
situation. The caregiver and the patient both get frustrated with the
situation. No matter how much you love that person 24/7 is a little too much.
It's good to get a break by hiring another caregiver, so you can have a
little time apart, during the day. I have enjoyed hiring additional
caregivers.I
remember you remember you talking about being a peer counselor at a rehab
center.. I'm sure you have a wealth of information, but when you cannot
see a light at the end of the tunnel, you cannot access this. You might want
to try to spend time with your mother or a family member. I sure hope Pete
will go to counseling with you, because your counselor may be able to see
something that neither of you can see that will help your relationship. I
will pray for the Lord to comfort you and heal you. You will help us if we
just ask! Those of us without a syrinx can only try to understand the pain
that you experience daily. I'm sure it's hard for Pete to see you so unhappy
and not know what to do. Thank you for sharing. You know we, the quad list
love you and don't want you to harm yourself.I think that isolation can
cause you to feel so alone.
I enjoy the warm summer days, my favorite time of year sitting outside and
going places with my Yorkshire terrier.
Dana C4-5, 38 years post, passenger in a MVA at the age of 20
In a message dated 8/9/2012 10:14:55 A.M. Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
I can completely relate to what all you guys are feeling and saying. I
think life can be very hard at times for everyone--even able bodied people.
Close friends of my wife and I, whom we have known since we were very
young........call or text my wife quite often about how it's so hard to go
on--She
had never been able to have children and that bothers her a lot, her and
her husband own their home and 2 newer cars, plus own some land, and have
great good paying jobs. We just try to encourage them and pray for them. At
times I feel like you do Bobbie----But I think we don't really want to die,,,
but for things to just be better and enjoy life as much as possible. My
wife gets very tired at times, working full time plus caring for me and one
of our oldest grandkids who has to live with us because his mom is on drugs.
She gets so sick of some of the routines but god gives us strength to
carry on. Ron that is awful that your Dad talks to you that way, but I don't
believe we should ever take our own lives, We don't always have all the right
answers to lifes often complicated matters. I know a few on here don't
believe in god but I sure do......One of the commandments says (thou shall not
kill ) and in the aramaic or original hebrew it means thou shall not (
murder ) I have felt like you at times too Bobbie., But I try to dwell on what
I do have, and the good things in life. Lately I've been reading
inspirational stories online- they can help lift your spirit also. I just
reached
the 15 year mark as a Quad on August 3rd----I have a syrinx and awful pain at
times but some days are very good, I try to enjoy those good days. Getting
up and getting going each day as a quad growing old is tough !!!!! My
wife must get me up at around 6:30 in the morning to make it to work---Man I
feel like the dead arising with rigamortis lol A cup of coffee helps my
aching bones and body slowly come back to life - lol. I better stop before I
write a book here --Anyway you guys and our friends on here have helped a
lot over the years, May god bless you all and give you and all Caregivers
strength for each new day we are here on Earth. Dan H*** c-6 15 + years
post- St.Louis, Mo.area ( car accident ).
____________________________________
From: RONALD L PRACHT <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:36:44 PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my
mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bobbie,
I can relate to how you feel..........im only 15 yrs into my injury and
i have a syrinx, pain, van broke down, kicked out of my swim program and
my gf broke up with me along with my father who is my caregiver who over a
hundred times has told me to make an adaptive device and kill myself. All i
can say is appreciate the small things, take one day at a time and consider
all your alternatives before you do anything rash with pete because a
stranger taking care of you is going to have many drawbacks as well. When im
pushed to my limit I try to sleep more or get some kind of excercise so I
canmake a rational decision i wont regret. In my opinion from what I know
about you to make it 39 years you must have made many good decisions to get
this far in quad life.......dont give up now, play it out and see what life
has left to offer. Have you seen the movie True Grit? You must have grit to
get this far!
Ron c7
____________________________________
From: Bobbie Humphreys <[email protected]>
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:22:27 PM
Subject: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING QUAD SHIT ANYMORE! I want to take ALL my pain
pills before I go to sleep tonight and NEVER wake up again-- EVER. I've been
in this chair 39 FUCKING YEARS and it's getting harder every single year.
I'm so stressed out about what is coming down the pike to ADD on to what
I'm ALREADY going through. My pain in my neck from the srynix is unreliably
OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! I saw and spoke to my pain management Doctor today and
he increased my morphine. I filled the RX today and am EXTREMELY tempted to
take them all tonight or the next day. Pete and me have been auguring about
EVERYTHING FUCKIG thing. I calmly suggested we get a break from each other
some how because he has been taking care of me full-time 24/7/365 for over
27 YEARS!!!!!!!! I have a very good friend who is willing to come stay
with me but he is afraid she won't do SOMTHING right and he will have to "fix
it". He won't let my mother over her anymore for the past 4 month, I have
to sneak out and lie to him to see my mother and I don't know why. I want
this all to end! We were thinking of going to the movies tomorrow but he
wants to see "Batman" and i'll see something else, but my movie will get out
1/2 hour before his - he said he doesn't want to leave me alone for that
long, that I might go into the parking lot and get hurt. What's he talking
about. I said to him I'M 57 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! I'll just sit in the lobby or
just outside and read my book. I like being alone for a little bit. I want to
run away, far, far away. If I break up with him I wouldn't get enough help
because he dose SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than is on paper. Besides I love
him so very much and would miss him like crazy. I just started seeing a
councilor because I've been EXTREMELY depressed. I've been telling her how he
is isolating me more and more so next time I go she wants to talk to both of
us. Pete said "I don't know if I want to talk to her. I don't know what to
do, I don't know what to do.
Sent from my iPad
