Bobbie, do you think Pete would be willing to hire extra help if you asked him to train the person? It might make him feel more comfortable if he's part of the process and knows the person before turning the responsibility over to someone else. Also, tell him you want time alone at some point in the day, even just half an hour, then try to do something you both enjoy afterwards.
I know this sounds simple and you've probably thought of these things already, but you know how men are (no offense, gentlemen) you have to be creative when dealing with them otherwise the wall goes up. I sure hope you will read all of the emails that have come through from this list. I'm new here but I can tell there are a lot of people who care about you and enjoy you. As a new quad I have no clue what you're going through, but I've had some dark moments too, and I care about you as well. Mandy, c5-7 On Aug 10, 2012, at 1:34 AM, [email protected] wrote: > > Bobbie, > I also can relate to what you're going through. I've had a very rough summer > with three hospital stays, surgery causing a wound that needed a skin graft > and another one caused by caregiver. Both wounds are not healed. It makes you > feel frustrated that you are not progressing quickly enough. I enjoy reading > devotionals and the Bible. I don't know if you are a believer, but reading > the word gives you hope. Many persons have been through worse situation that > we have and many of them gained more through their hardships. It's always > hard to have only one character per 24 4/7 as I have been in that situation. > The caregiver and the patient both get frustrated with the situation. No > matter how much you love that person 24/7 is a little too much. It's good to > get a break by hiring another caregiver, so you can have a little time apart, > during the day. I have enjoyed hiring additional caregivers.I remember you > remember you talking about being a peer counselor at a rehab center.. I'm > sure you have a wealth of information, but when you cannot see a light at the > end of the tunnel, you cannot access this. You might want to try to spend > time with your mother or a family member. I sure hope Pete will go to > counseling with you, because your counselor may be able to see something that > neither of you can see that will help your relationship. I will pray for the > Lord to comfort you and heal you. You will help us if we just ask! Those of > us without a syrinx can only try to understand the pain that you experience > daily. I'm sure it's hard for Pete to see you so unhappy and not know what to > do. Thank you for sharing. You know we, the quad list love you and don't want > you to harm yourself.I think that isolation can cause you to feel so alone. > I enjoy the warm summer days, my favorite time of year sitting outside and > going places with my Yorkshire terrier. > > Dana C4-5, 38 years post, passenger in a MVA at the age of 20 > In a message dated 8/9/2012 10:14:55 A.M. Central Daylight Time, > [email protected] writes: > I can completely relate to what all you guys are feeling and saying. I think > life can be very hard at times for everyone--even able bodied people. Close > friends of my wife and I, whom we have known since we were very > young........call or text my wife quite often about how it's so hard to go > on--She had never been able to have children and that bothers her a lot, her > and her husband own their home and 2 newer cars, plus own some land, and have > great good paying jobs. We just try to encourage them and pray for them. At > times I feel like you do Bobbie----But I think we don't really want to die,,, > but for things to just be better and enjoy life as much as possible. My wife > gets very tired at times, working full time plus caring for me and one of our > oldest grandkids who has to live with us because his mom is on drugs. She > gets so sick of some of the routines but god gives us strength to carry on. > Ron that is awful that your Dad talks to you that way, but I don't believe we > should ever take our own lives, We don't always have all the right answers to > lifes often complicated matters. I know a few on here don't believe in god > but I sure do......One of the commandments says (thou shall not kill ) and in > the aramaic or original hebrew it means thou shall not ( murder ) I have felt > like you at times too Bobbie., But I try to dwell on what I do have, and the > good things in life. Lately I've been reading inspirational stories online- > they can help lift your spirit also. I just reached the 15 year mark as a > Quad on August 3rd----I have a syrinx and awful pain at times but some days > are very good, I try to enjoy those good days. Getting up and getting going > each day as a quad growing old is tough !!!!! My wife must get me up at > around 6:30 in the morning to make it to work---Man I feel like the dead > arising with rigamortis lol A cup of coffee helps my aching bones and body > slowly come back to life - lol. I better stop before I write a book here > --Anyway you guys and our friends on here have helped a lot over the years, > May god bless you all and give you and all Caregivers strength for each new > day we are here on Earth. Dan H*** c-6 15 + years post- St.Louis, Mo.area > ( car accident ). > > From: RONALD L PRACHT <[email protected]> > To: [email protected] > Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:36:44 PM > Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > Bobbie, > I can relate to how you feel..........im only 15 yrs into my injury and i > have a syrinx, pain, van broke down, kicked out of my swim program and my gf > broke up with me along with my father who is my caregiver who over a hundred > times has told me to make an adaptive device and kill myself. All i can say > is appreciate the small things, take one day at a time and consider all your > alternatives before you do anything rash with pete because a stranger taking > care of you is going to have many drawbacks as well. When im pushed to my > limit I try to sleep more or get some kind of excercise so I canmake a > rational decision i wont regret. In my opinion from what I know about you to > make it 39 years you must have made many good decisions to get this far in > quad life.......dont give up now, play it out and see what life has left to > offer. Have you seen the movie True Grit? You must have grit to get this far! > > > Ron c7 > > From: Bobbie Humphreys <[email protected]> > To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]> > Sent: Wed, August 8, 2012 9:22:27 PM > Subject: [QUAD-L] I'm going out of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > > I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING QUAD SHIT ANYMORE! I want to take ALL my pain > pills before I go to sleep tonight and NEVER wake up again-- EVER. I've been > in this chair 39 FUCKING YEARS and it's getting harder every single year. I'm > so stressed out about what is coming down the pike to ADD on to what I'm > ALREADY going through. My pain in my neck from the srynix is unreliably OUT > OF CONTROL!!!!! I saw and spoke to my pain management Doctor today and he > increased my morphine. I filled the RX today and am EXTREMELY tempted to take > them all tonight or the next day. Pete and me have been auguring about > EVERYTHING FUCKIG thing. I calmly suggested we get a break from each other > some how because he has been taking care of me full-time 24/7/365 for over 27 > YEARS!!!!!!!! I have a very good friend who is willing to come stay with me > but he is afraid she won't do SOMTHING right and he will have to "fix it". He > won't let my mother over her anymore for the past 4 month, I have to sneak > out and lie to him to see my mother and I don't know why. I want this all to > end! We were thinking of going to the movies tomorrow but he wants to see > "Batman" and i'll see something else, but my movie will get out 1/2 hour > before his - he said he doesn't want to leave me alone for that long, that I > might go into the parking lot and get hurt. What's he talking about. I said > to him I'M 57 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!! I'll just sit in the lobby or just outside > and read my book. I like being alone for a little bit. I want to run away, > far, far away. If I break up with him I wouldn't get enough help because he > dose SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than is on paper. Besides I love him so very > much and would miss him like crazy. I just started seeing a councilor because > I've been EXTREMELY depressed. I've been telling her how he is isolating me > more and more so next time I go she wants to talk to both of us. Pete said "I > don't know if I want to talk to her. I don't know what to do, I don't know > what to do. > > Sent from my iPad
