Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Erik Hoffman via Callers]

First, sorry for the inadvertent sending of no message.

Second, although I agree with Lisa that it's great to have dancers take 
care of themselves and not call them "victims," and, if a dancer tells 
me about a specific situation with another dancer, her approach is 
commendable. But, two things:


1) When there is a dancer -- most commonly the older man seeking to 
"take over" the training of the new dancer -- there's a problem. This 
problem is that new dancers has no stake in the dance. If her (or his) 
enjoyment is reduced, they have no real reason to report it, and a good 
reason to never come back. OK, they may not be "a victim" though they 
receive the brunt of a behavior that causes them discomfort. It's not up 
to them to discourage such activity -- they have an easy way out: "why 
would I bother going there again?" So, it's up to those of us with a 
stake in the dance to interrupt such behavior.


2) If there is a regular dancer who's stake isn't so strong, and they 
don't feel willing or comfortable with direct confrontation, they, too, 
may just stop coming.


So, ultimately it is all of us who need to agree on the range of 
acceptable behavior and address each incident as needed. It might be 
totally appropriate to encourage a dancer to stand up for herself (or 
himself). It might be the best course for organizers to step in and 
assist a change in behavior. It might be for a caller to teach a styling 
point. And it's good for we with a large stake in the dance to know how 
people are feeling, about each other, about the dance, about problems.


Listening to both sides is also important.

I've mentioned this before, but in the Bay Area (SF) we had a woman once 
who wrote a letter to the board and had a restraining order against a 
man she had been involved with. The board sent out a copy of her letter 
with the note that we call the police if the man decided not to leave a 
dance when she was present. We got into a lot of hot water because we 
included her story, and this was prior to checking with the man. Many of 
us became aware later that the woman had a history of crying wolf, 
really tried to use the restraining order to hurt the man (like filing a 
complaint of him being too close as he was driving out of a parking lot 
into which she was pulling in -- their cars passed within the 50 ft 
limit...).


We learned to inform our managers that when a restraining order incident 
comes up, call the police and don't take sides, and to listen to both 
sides of a case, and not send out one person's testimony...


~erik hoffman
oakland, ca


On 9/10/2015 11:14 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote:

Great point, thanks Lisa.

On Thursday, September 10, 2015, Lisa Greenleaf via Callers 
> wrote:


Hi Everyone-

I am cringing every time I read the word victim.  VIctim implies
powerlessness, so why not use the word dancer and encourage
self-empowerment?

Sometimes dancers approach me because I am an official organizer,
and other times friends of the person approach me because they
know I might be able to help. My first question around complaints
is always, “Did you talk with the person whose behavior bothered
you?” And then I model an “I” statement for them: “I don’t like
that,” “I don’t feel comfortable dancing with you because I don’t
like to be twirled,” etc.

Of course, most people find it difficult to talk directly to the
person disturbing them, but it’s still worth encouraging,
especially if you show them how to do it.  You are teaching them a
real-world skill that they can use outside of the dance.

When a dancer approaches me with a complaint, I don’t see them as
a victim who needs rescuing.   For one thing, I don’t know the
real situation until I have heard both sides of the story. Yes,
the situation may expand to a larger problem, but even then I
don’t change “dancer” (or more specifically, the name of the
person) to “victim.”

Lisa


> On Sep 9, 2015, at 8:02 PM, Yoyo Zhou via Callers
> wrote:
>
> Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
> policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
> terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
> other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
> take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back
yourself
> up.
>
>
> Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring
victims to
> speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space. 
(Let's

> discuss that on the other thread.)
>
> Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
> someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
> convinced me to come. I might 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Erik Hoffman via Callers]

On 9/10/2015 11:14 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote:

Great point, thanks Lisa.

On Thursday, September 10, 2015, Lisa Greenleaf via Callers 
> wrote:


Hi Everyone-

I am cringing every time I read the word victim.  VIctim implies
powerlessness, so why not use the word dancer and encourage
self-empowerment?

Sometimes dancers approach me because I am an official organizer,
and other times friends of the person approach me because they
know I might be able to help. My first question around complaints
is always, “Did you talk with the person whose behavior bothered
you?” And then I model an “I” statement for them: “I don’t like
that,” “I don’t feel comfortable dancing with you because I don’t
like to be twirled,” etc.

Of course, most people find it difficult to talk directly to the
person disturbing them, but it’s still worth encouraging,
especially if you show them how to do it.  You are teaching them a
real-world skill that they can use outside of the dance.

When a dancer approaches me with a complaint, I don’t see them as
a victim who needs rescuing.   For one thing, I don’t know the
real situation until I have heard both sides of the story. Yes,
the situation may expand to a larger problem, but even then I
don’t change “dancer” (or more specifically, the name of the
person) to “victim.”

Lisa


> On Sep 9, 2015, at 8:02 PM, Yoyo Zhou via Callers
> wrote:
>
> Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
> policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
> terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
> other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
> take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back
yourself
> up.
>
>
> Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring
victims to
> speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space. 
(Let's

> discuss that on the other thread.)
>
> Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
> someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
> convinced me to come. I might just avoid that person. I might
just go
> home dissatisfied. One of the last things I might do is complain to
> the management (and I might view that woman as an extension
thereof),
> because who knows if they'll just shrug it off and not take me
> seriously?
>
>
> Also, you wrote, "it seems to me that she's committing
violence." No,
> I disagree. This totally cheapens the meaning of "violence". What
> words do you use for when punches are actually thrown? (It's
happened
> at a dance here.)
>
> Yoyo Zhou
>
> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 7:42 AM, Ron Blechner via Callers
> > wrote:
>> Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very
careful about
>> making a definitive statement about something being "just an
accusation",
>> especially when in your example, there was a second problem -
even if it was
>> a year earlier.
>>
>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
>> > wrote:
>>>
>>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's
fire" issue
>>> applies here, though.  It would if there were several
different women
>>> complaining about one man...
>>>
>>> 
>>> Lindsay Morris
>>> CEO, TSMworks
>>> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
>>> lind...@tsmworks.com 
>>>
>>> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner
> wrote:

 Hi Lindsay,

 I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if
my brevity
 comes off as bruskness.

 These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.

 As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out
the source.
 Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of
ensuring that we ask
 open-ended questions, and not leading questions.

 We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
 announcements about us being available for any reason.
Usually 4-7 members
 of our board attend any dance.

 You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer,
if you're
 interested in more specifics.

 I would also caution about making such definitive statements
as "just an
 accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's
fire. For every
 accusation, 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Neal Schlein via Callers]

Zhou,

On the committing violence front--I once had a sociology professor who used
the word "violence" to describe just about everything (i.e., graffiti was
violence, a company persistently not fixing warrantied products was
violence, genocide was violence).  He clearly needed a thesaurus, but it
was a thought-provoking perspective and pointed out that violence is not
specifically limited to physical acts--emotional and verbal acts can also
inflict real damage.

When I was a kid there was a mother in my scout troop who leveled
accusations of sexual harassment against two of the leaders and demanded
financial compensation; both of them were removed from their positions,
divorced by their wives, and one paid her an out-of-court settlement while
the other was forced to leave his job after she told his employer.  When
she started to go after a third leader, someone checked with her prior
troop; they discovered it was a pattern, and that she was living off of a
prior settlement.  "Committing violence" seems like what she did to the
families involved..

I'm not saying that Lindsay's case is the same--but it has similar
elements, and dance group policies generally prohibit violence.  We usually
mean the physical kind, but when that word is coming to mind there's
probably a reason.  If the lady in question is doing harm to other members
of the community, I'd want to be very careful about handling the matter.

Neal Schlein

On Thu, Sep 10, 2015 at 1:14 PM, Lindsay Morris via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Great point, thanks Lisa.
>
>
> On Thursday, September 10, 2015, Lisa Greenleaf via Callers <
> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Hi Everyone-
>>
>> I am cringing every time I read the word victim.  VIctim implies
>> powerlessness, so why not use the word dancer and encourage
>> self-empowerment?
>>
>> Sometimes dancers approach me because I am an official organizer, and
>> other times friends of the person approach me because they know I might be
>> able to help. My first question around complaints is always, “Did you talk
>> with the person whose behavior bothered you?” And then I model an “I”
>> statement for them: “I don’t like that,” “I don’t feel comfortable dancing
>> with you because I don’t like to be twirled,” etc.
>>
>> Of course, most people find it difficult to talk directly to the person
>> disturbing them, but it’s still worth encouraging, especially if you show
>> them how to do it.  You are teaching them a real-world skill that they can
>> use outside of the dance.
>>
>> When a dancer approaches me with a complaint, I don’t see them as a
>> victim who needs rescuing.   For one thing, I don’t know the real situation
>> until I have heard both sides of the story. Yes, the situation may expand
>> to a larger problem, but even then I don’t change “dancer” (or more
>> specifically, the name of the person) to “victim.”
>>
>> Lisa
>>
>>
>> > On Sep 9, 2015, at 8:02 PM, Yoyo Zhou via Callers <
>> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>> >
>> > Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
>> > policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
>> > terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
>> > other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
>> > take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back yourself
>> > up.
>> >
>> >
>> > Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring victims to
>> > speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space.  (Let's
>> > discuss that on the other thread.)
>> >
>> > Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
>> > someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
>> > convinced me to come. I might just avoid that person. I might just go
>> > home dissatisfied. One of the last things I might do is complain to
>> > the management (and I might view that woman as an extension thereof),
>> > because who knows if they'll just shrug it off and not take me
>> > seriously?
>> >
>> >
>> > Also, you wrote, "it seems to me that she's committing violence." No,
>> > I disagree. This totally cheapens the meaning of "violence". What
>> > words do you use for when punches are actually thrown? (It's happened
>> > at a dance here.)
>> >
>> > Yoyo Zhou
>> >
>> > On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 7:42 AM, Ron Blechner via Callers
>> >  wrote:
>> >> Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful
>> about
>> >> making a definitive statement about something being "just an
>> accusation",
>> >> especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if
>> it was
>> >> a year earlier.
>> >>
>> >> On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
>> >>  wrote:
>> >>>
>> >>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire"
>> issue
>> >>> applies here, though.  It would if there were several different women

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lindsay Morris via Callers]

Great point, thanks Lisa.

On Thursday, September 10, 2015, Lisa Greenleaf via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Hi Everyone-
>
> I am cringing every time I read the word victim.  VIctim implies
> powerlessness, so why not use the word dancer and encourage
> self-empowerment?
>
> Sometimes dancers approach me because I am an official organizer, and
> other times friends of the person approach me because they know I might be
> able to help. My first question around complaints is always, “Did you talk
> with the person whose behavior bothered you?” And then I model an “I”
> statement for them: “I don’t like that,” “I don’t feel comfortable dancing
> with you because I don’t like to be twirled,” etc.
>
> Of course, most people find it difficult to talk directly to the person
> disturbing them, but it’s still worth encouraging, especially if you show
> them how to do it.  You are teaching them a real-world skill that they can
> use outside of the dance.
>
> When a dancer approaches me with a complaint, I don’t see them as a victim
> who needs rescuing.   For one thing, I don’t know the real situation until
> I have heard both sides of the story. Yes, the situation may expand to a
> larger problem, but even then I don’t change “dancer” (or more
> specifically, the name of the person) to “victim.”
>
> Lisa
>
>
> > On Sep 9, 2015, at 8:02 PM, Yoyo Zhou via Callers <
> callers@lists.sharedweight.net > wrote:
> >
> > Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
> > policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
> > terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
> > other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
> > take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back yourself
> > up.
> >
> >
> > Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring victims to
> > speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space.  (Let's
> > discuss that on the other thread.)
> >
> > Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
> > someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
> > convinced me to come. I might just avoid that person. I might just go
> > home dissatisfied. One of the last things I might do is complain to
> > the management (and I might view that woman as an extension thereof),
> > because who knows if they'll just shrug it off and not take me
> > seriously?
> >
> >
> > Also, you wrote, "it seems to me that she's committing violence." No,
> > I disagree. This totally cheapens the meaning of "violence". What
> > words do you use for when punches are actually thrown? (It's happened
> > at a dance here.)
> >
> > Yoyo Zhou
> >
> > On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 7:42 AM, Ron Blechner via Callers
> > > wrote:
> >> Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful
> about
> >> making a definitive statement about something being "just an
> accusation",
> >> especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if
> it was
> >> a year earlier.
> >>
> >> On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
> >> > wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire"
> issue
> >>> applies here, though.  It would if there were several different women
> >>> complaining about one man...
> >>>
> >>> 
> >>> Lindsay Morris
> >>> CEO, TSMworks
> >>> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
> >>> lind...@tsmworks.com 
> >>>
> >>> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  > wrote:
> 
>  Hi Lindsay,
> 
>  I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my
> brevity
>  comes off as bruskness.
> 
>  These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
> 
>  As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the
> source.
>  Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that
> we ask
>  open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
> 
>  We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>  announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7
> members
>  of our board attend any dance.
> 
>  You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if
> you're
>  interested in more specifics.
> 
>  I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just
> an
>  accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For
> every
>  accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
> 
>  That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues.
> The
>  biggest benefit is simple:
> 
>  Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>  simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary
> drawn. 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lisa Greenleaf via Callers]

Hi Everyone-

I am cringing every time I read the word victim.  VIctim implies powerlessness, 
so why not use the word dancer and encourage self-empowerment?  

Sometimes dancers approach me because I am an official organizer, and other 
times friends of the person approach me because they know I might be able to 
help. My first question around complaints is always, “Did you talk with the 
person whose behavior bothered you?” And then I model an “I” statement for 
them: “I don’t like that,” “I don’t feel comfortable dancing with you because I 
don’t like to be twirled,” etc.

Of course, most people find it difficult to talk directly to the person 
disturbing them, but it’s still worth encouraging, especially if you show them 
how to do it.  You are teaching them a real-world skill that they can use 
outside of the dance.

When a dancer approaches me with a complaint, I don’t see them as a victim who 
needs rescuing.   For one thing, I don’t know the real situation until I have 
heard both sides of the story. Yes, the situation may expand to a larger 
problem, but even then I don’t change “dancer” (or more specifically, the name 
of the person) to “victim.”

Lisa


> On Sep 9, 2015, at 8:02 PM, Yoyo Zhou via Callers 
>  wrote:
> 
> Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
> policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
> terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
> other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
> take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back yourself
> up.
> 
> 
> Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring victims to
> speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space.  (Let's
> discuss that on the other thread.)
> 
> Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
> someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
> convinced me to come. I might just avoid that person. I might just go
> home dissatisfied. One of the last things I might do is complain to
> the management (and I might view that woman as an extension thereof),
> because who knows if they'll just shrug it off and not take me
> seriously?
> 
> 
> Also, you wrote, "it seems to me that she's committing violence." No,
> I disagree. This totally cheapens the meaning of "violence". What
> words do you use for when punches are actually thrown? (It's happened
> at a dance here.)
> 
> Yoyo Zhou
> 
> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 7:42 AM, Ron Blechner via Callers
>  wrote:
>> Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful about
>> making a definitive statement about something being "just an accusation",
>> especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if it was
>> a year earlier.
>> 
>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
>>  wrote:
>>> 
>>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
>>> applies here, though.  It would if there were several different women
>>> complaining about one man...
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Lindsay Morris
>>> CEO, TSMworks
>>> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
>>> lind...@tsmworks.com
>>> 
>>> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  wrote:
 
 Hi Lindsay,
 
 I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
 comes off as bruskness.
 
 These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
 
 As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
 Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we 
 ask
 open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
 
 We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
 announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
 of our board attend any dance.
 
 You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
 interested in more specifics.
 
 I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
 accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
 accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
 
 That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
 biggest benefit is simple:
 
 Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
 simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. 
 But
 wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers 
 and
 the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
 
 Best regards,
 Ron Blechner
 
 On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
  wrote:
> 
> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions on dealing with problem dancers, 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Yoyo Zhou via Callers]

Taking you at face value: if you have a systemic problem, you need a
policy. If you have a problem with one person, you need to come to
terms with that person. I'm not sure if it's just the board, or if
other dancers also have issues with her. But if you seek mediation,
take notes on your interactions so you have evidence to back yourself
up.


Now, I think the last thing you need is a policy requiring victims to
speak up. It's counterproductive to making a safe dance space.  (Let's
discuss that on the other thread.)

Let's say I'm new to your dance and I have a bad experience with
someone. What do I do? I might complain about it to my friends who
convinced me to come. I might just avoid that person. I might just go
home dissatisfied. One of the last things I might do is complain to
the management (and I might view that woman as an extension thereof),
because who knows if they'll just shrug it off and not take me
seriously?


Also, you wrote, "it seems to me that she's committing violence." No,
I disagree. This totally cheapens the meaning of "violence". What
words do you use for when punches are actually thrown? (It's happened
at a dance here.)

Yoyo Zhou

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 7:42 AM, Ron Blechner via Callers
 wrote:
> Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful about
> making a definitive statement about something being "just an accusation",
> especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if it was
> a year earlier.
>
> On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
>  wrote:
>>
>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
>> applies here, though.  It would if there were several different women
>> complaining about one man...
>>
>> 
>> Lindsay Morris
>> CEO, TSMworks
>> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
>> lind...@tsmworks.com
>>
>> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi Lindsay,
>>>
>>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
>>> comes off as bruskness.
>>>
>>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>>>
>>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
>>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we ask
>>> open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>>>
>>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
>>> of our board attend any dance.
>>>
>>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
>>> interested in more specifics.
>>>
>>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
>>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
>>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>>>
>>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
>>> biggest benefit is simple:
>>>
>>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. But
>>> wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers and
>>> the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>>>
>>> Best regards,
>>> Ron Blechner
>>>
>>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers"
>>>  wrote:

 Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions on dealing with problem dancers, and
 the CDU Policy are thoughtful and useful documents.

 We have a different problem here.

 One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as
 creepers or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of
 their victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*

 Many others don't see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
 one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
 ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
 question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
 some nameless thing he'd done.

 This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
 talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.

 It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
 "naughty-dancer" problems.

 When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
 to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
 have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face, 
 it
 seems to me that she's committing violence.

 How should we handle this?

 I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim has to
 speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple miscommunication
 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Alan Winston via Callers]

Here's the thing:

 - There really is harassment, creepy behavior, etc.
 - There really are cases where third parties see those  things and 
they aren't actually there in the eyes of the perceived victim


 So organizers have to keep their eyes open and review things on a case 
by case basis.  Because one organizer has seen unjustified third-party 
charges of harrassment doesn't mean this particular case is one of 
those; because another organizer can multiply real examples of 
unacceptable behavior doesn't mean this particular case is one of them.


It doesn't, in my view, help discourse to tell people who have real 
experiences on one side or the other of that that they're not taking the 
situation seriously enough / taking the situation too seriously and, 
implicitly, that your experiences trump their experiences.


-- Alan



On 9/9/15 1:44 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers wrote:


Harassment is real. It's widespread, and pretending it isn't hurts 
people and keeps people away from our dances.


Things I have personally witnessed, and when subsequently asked the 
dancer whether anything was unusual, they confirmed:


One dancer has a habit of grabbing hip *just* at the butt-line. One of 
the young women was 15.


Another dancer intentionally threw a quarter on the ground in front of 
a young 20-something lady. I watched in horror as she bent over and 
picked it up as he leered.


One dancer did a frontways dip to a 20-something lady which included 
torso-torso frontal contact. No permission was asked.


Another dancer came in drunk / high and was dancing wild.

Another dancer has a habit of intentionally shoulder-checked men who 
have called him out on his creepiness.


Another dancer was swinging way too close. Turns out he was following 
a minor around and asking completely inappropriate questions.


And I have more of these stories. Seriously, the list goes on and on.

I've been dancing far fewer years than many on this list, and danced 
at many different dances - this isn't limited to one dance community. 
And these are just the stories I've verified.

So are all of your eyes closed?

So... Yeah. I absolutely think that we should keep our eyes open. I 
think we should calmly and privately inquire when we think we see 
inappropriate behavior. We should be absolutely receptive that 
sometimes behavior is seen and a victim is too afraid to step forward 
on their own.


And we should stop with such flippant and potentially dangerous 
phrases like "crying wolf" or that people need to just grow up and 
"act like an adult" because bad stuff happens.


On Sep 9, 2015 4:04 PM, "Martha Wild via Callers" 
> wrote:


Yeah, we had a guy at one dance complain bitterly that other men
were being creepy with his girlfriend. But when I spoke with her,
she said there was no problem, they'd done no more than gypsy and
swing her and occasionally speak to her with advice on the dance.
The more I spoke with the two of them the more I wanted to yell at
the woman - run fast, very fast, as far away from this control
freak as you can But I suppose it was not my place to warn her
right in front of him. No surprise they never returned.

Martha


On Sep 9, 2015, at 7:39 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote:


Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's
fire" issue applies here, though.  It would if there were several
*different* women complaining about one man...


Lindsay Morris
CEO, TSMworks
Tel. 1-859-539-9900 
lind...@tsmworks.com 

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner
> wrote:

Hi Lindsay,

I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if
my brevity comes off as bruskness.

These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.

As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out
the source. Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high
level of ensuring that we ask open-ended questions, and not
leading questions.

We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
announcements about us being available for any reason.
Usually 4-7 members of our board attend any dance.

You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer,
if you're interested in more specifics.

I would also caution about making such definitive statements
as "just an accusation". In my experience, where there's
smoke, there's fire. For every accusation, there's five
people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.

That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of
issues. The biggest benefit is simple:

Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe
it's a 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lindsay Morris via Callers]

Well, I don't want to fan the flames in this normally cordial and helpful
community.
However, I'm here, and seeing what I'm seeing, and asking for perspective.


Lindsay Morris
CEO, TSMworks
Tel. 1-859-539-9900
lind...@tsmworks.com

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 4:44 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Harassment is real. It's widespread, and pretending it isn't hurts people
> and keeps people away from our dances.
>
> Things I have personally witnessed, and when subsequently asked the dancer
> whether anything was unusual, they confirmed:
>
> One dancer has a habit of grabbing hip *just* at the butt-line. One of the
> young women was 15.
>
> Another dancer intentionally threw a quarter on the ground in front of a
> young 20-something lady. I watched in horror as she bent over and picked it
> up as he leered.
>
> One dancer did a frontways dip to a 20-something lady which included
> torso-torso frontal contact. No permission was asked.
>
> Another dancer came in drunk / high and was dancing wild.
>
> Another dancer has a habit of intentionally shoulder-checked men who have
> called him out on his creepiness.
>
> Another dancer was swinging way too close. Turns out he was following a
> minor around and asking completely inappropriate questions.
>
> And I have more of these stories. Seriously, the list goes on and on.
>
> I've been dancing far fewer years than many on this list, and danced at
> many different dances - this isn't limited to one dance community. And
> these are just the stories I've verified.
> So are all of your eyes closed?
>
> So... Yeah. I absolutely think that we should keep our eyes open. I think
> we should calmly and privately inquire when we think we see inappropriate
> behavior. We should be absolutely receptive that sometimes behavior is seen
> and a victim is too afraid to step forward on their own.
>
> And we should stop with such flippant and potentially dangerous phrases
> like "crying wolf" or that people need to just grow up and "act like an
> adult" because bad stuff happens.
> On Sep 9, 2015 4:04 PM, "Martha Wild via Callers" <
> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Yeah, we had a guy at one dance complain bitterly that other men were
>> being creepy with his girlfriend. But when I spoke with her, she said there
>> was no problem, they'd done no more than gypsy and swing her and
>> occasionally speak to her with advice on the dance. The more I spoke with
>> the two of them the more I wanted to yell at the woman - run fast, very
>> fast, as far away from this control freak as you can But I suppose it
>> was not my place to warn her right in front of him. No surprise they never
>> returned.
>>
>> Martha
>>
>>
>> On Sep 9, 2015, at 7:39 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote:
>>
>> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire"
>> issue applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different*
>> women complaining about one man...
>>
>> 
>> Lindsay Morris
>> CEO, TSMworks
>> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
>> lind...@tsmworks.com
>>
>> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner 
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Hi Lindsay,
>>>
>>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
>>> comes off as bruskness.
>>>
>>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>>>
>>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
>>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
>>> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>>>
>>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
>>> of our board attend any dance.
>>>
>>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
>>> interested in more specifics.
>>>
>>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
>>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
>>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>>>
>>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues.
>>> The biggest benefit is simple:
>>>
>>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn.
>>> But wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost
>>> dancers and the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>>>
>>> Best regards,
>>> Ron Blechner
>>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
>>> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>>
 Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
 
 on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
 
 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Ron Blechner via Callers]

Harassment is real. It's widespread, and pretending it isn't hurts people
and keeps people away from our dances.

Things I have personally witnessed, and when subsequently asked the dancer
whether anything was unusual, they confirmed:

One dancer has a habit of grabbing hip *just* at the butt-line. One of the
young women was 15.

Another dancer intentionally threw a quarter on the ground in front of a
young 20-something lady. I watched in horror as she bent over and picked it
up as he leered.

One dancer did a frontways dip to a 20-something lady which included
torso-torso frontal contact. No permission was asked.

Another dancer came in drunk / high and was dancing wild.

Another dancer has a habit of intentionally shoulder-checked men who have
called him out on his creepiness.

Another dancer was swinging way too close. Turns out he was following a
minor around and asking completely inappropriate questions.

And I have more of these stories. Seriously, the list goes on and on.

I've been dancing far fewer years than many on this list, and danced at
many different dances - this isn't limited to one dance community. And
these are just the stories I've verified.
So are all of your eyes closed?

So... Yeah. I absolutely think that we should keep our eyes open. I think
we should calmly and privately inquire when we think we see inappropriate
behavior. We should be absolutely receptive that sometimes behavior is seen
and a victim is too afraid to step forward on their own.

And we should stop with such flippant and potentially dangerous phrases
like "crying wolf" or that people need to just grow up and "act like an
adult" because bad stuff happens.
On Sep 9, 2015 4:04 PM, "Martha Wild via Callers" <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Yeah, we had a guy at one dance complain bitterly that other men were
> being creepy with his girlfriend. But when I spoke with her, she said there
> was no problem, they'd done no more than gypsy and swing her and
> occasionally speak to her with advice on the dance. The more I spoke with
> the two of them the more I wanted to yell at the woman - run fast, very
> fast, as far away from this control freak as you can But I suppose it
> was not my place to warn her right in front of him. No surprise they never
> returned.
>
> Martha
>
>
> On Sep 9, 2015, at 7:39 AM, Lindsay Morris via Callers wrote:
>
> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
> applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different* women
> complaining about one man...
>
> 
> Lindsay Morris
> CEO, TSMworks
> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
> lind...@tsmworks.com
>
> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  wrote:
>
>> Hi Lindsay,
>>
>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
>> comes off as bruskness.
>>
>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>>
>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
>> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>>
>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
>> of our board attend any dance.
>>
>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
>> interested in more specifics.
>>
>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>>
>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
>> biggest benefit is simple:
>>
>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn.
>> But wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost
>> dancers and the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>>
>> Best regards,
>> Ron Blechner
>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
>> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
>>> 
>>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
>>> 
>>> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>>>
>>> We have a different problem here.
>>>
>>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as
>>> creepers or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of
>>> their victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>>>
>>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
>>> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
>>> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to 

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Ron Blechner via Callers]

Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful about
making a definitive statement about something being "just an accusation",
especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if it
was a year earlier.
On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
> applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different* women
> complaining about one man...
>
> 
> Lindsay Morris
> CEO, TSMworks
> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
> lind...@tsmworks.com
>
> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  wrote:
>
>> Hi Lindsay,
>>
>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
>> comes off as bruskness.
>>
>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>>
>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
>> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>>
>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
>> of our board attend any dance.
>>
>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
>> interested in more specifics.
>>
>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>>
>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
>> biggest benefit is simple:
>>
>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn.
>> But wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost
>> dancers and the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>>
>> Best regards,
>> Ron Blechner
>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
>> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
>>> 
>>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
>>> 
>>> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>>>
>>> We have a different problem here.
>>>
>>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as
>>> creepers or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of
>>> their victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>>>
>>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
>>> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
>>> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
>>> question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
>>> some nameless thing he'd done.
>>>
>>> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
>>> talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.
>>>
>>> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
>>> "naughty-dancer" problems.
>>>
>>> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
>>> to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
>>> have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
>>> it seems to me that she's committing violence.
>>>
>>> How should we handle this?
>>>
>>>- I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim
>>>has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple
>>>miscommunication issues).
>>>- We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know
>>>who to talk to.
>>>
>>> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues
>>> from  poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?
>>>
>>> 
>>> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
>>> advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
>>> situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
>>> accusation with little to back it up.
>>>
>>> ___
>>> Callers mailing list
>>> Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
>>> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net
>>>
>>>
>
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net
>
>

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lindsay Morris via Callers]

Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different* women
complaining about one man...


Lindsay Morris
CEO, TSMworks
Tel. 1-859-539-9900
lind...@tsmworks.com

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner  wrote:

> Hi Lindsay,
>
> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
> comes off as bruskness.
>
> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>
> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>
> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular announcements
> about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members of our board
> attend any dance.
>
> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
> interested in more specifics.
>
> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>
> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
> biggest benefit is simple:
>
> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a simple
> misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. But wait
> until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers and the
> resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>
> Best regards,
> Ron Blechner
> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
> callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
>> 
>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
>> 
>> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>>
>> We have a different problem here.
>>
>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as creepers
>> or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of their
>> victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>>
>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
>> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
>> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
>> question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
>> some nameless thing he'd done.
>>
>> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
>> talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.
>>
>> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
>> "naughty-dancer" problems.
>>
>> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
>> to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
>> have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
>> it seems to me that she's committing violence.
>>
>> How should we handle this?
>>
>>- I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim
>>has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple
>>miscommunication issues).
>>- We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know
>>who to talk to.
>>
>> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues
>> from  poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?
>>
>> 
>> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
>> advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
>> situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
>> accusation with little to back it up.
>>
>> ___
>> Callers mailing list
>> Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
>> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net
>>
>>

Re: [Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Ron Blechner via Callers]

Hi Lindsay,

I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
comes off as bruskness.

These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.

As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.

We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular announcements
about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members of our board
attend any dance.

You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
interested in more specifics.

I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.

That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
biggest benefit is simple:

Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a simple
misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. But wait
until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers and the
resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.

Best regards,
Ron Blechner
On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
> 
> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
> 
> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>
> We have a different problem here.
>
> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as creepers
> or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of their
> victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>
> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
> question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
> some nameless thing he'd done.
>
> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
> talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.
>
> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
> "naughty-dancer" problems.
>
> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
> to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
> have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
> it seems to me that she's committing violence.
>
> How should we handle this?
>
>- I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim
>has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple
>miscommunication issues).
>- We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know
>who to talk to.
>
> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues
> from  poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?
>
> 
> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
> advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
> situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
> accusation with little to back it up.
>
> ___
> Callers mailing list
> Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> http://lists.sharedweight.net/listinfo.cgi/callers-sharedweight.net
>
>

[Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lindsay Morris via Callers]

Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions

on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy

are thoughtful and useful documents.

We have a different problem here.

One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as creepers
or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of their
victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*

Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently one
of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year ago
and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in question
had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about some
nameless thing he'd done.

This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.

It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
"naughty-dancer" problems.

When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has to
wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
it seems to me that she's committing violence.

How should we handle this?

   - I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim has
   to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple miscommunication
   issues).
   - We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know who
   to talk to.

But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues from
 poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?


* I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
accusation with little to back it up.