You said loads of good things here which I will respond to when I have a bit more time. But, you are correct, so many relationships are not working because both people can't completely give themselves to the other person and that's not just sexually either. I'm fortunate in that regard but, I've been on the otherside as well. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mary Ann Topolewski" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "talk2" <talk2@AndreLouis.COM> Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 1:55 PM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
This is a very funny story, just by how it is written and I got a good chuckle out of it. But ya know? Maybe I'm weird but there are things I really hate about what I see that goes on in relationships. Uh-oh... *Mary Ann gets on her soapbox for a minute and hopes she doesn't scare people away.* I have a problem with pet names. Nicknames that were born of a fun event or because of an inside joke are one thing. Especially when they are not used all the time. But to me, the minute pet names are introduced into any relationship and you start replacing the person's real name with those, it's done. Eventually you stop viewing your partner as the hot and sexy person they are. There is nothing more powerful, I think, than hearing the person that you love, saying your name. And no, peoples, I don't just mean in bed! Hah! Something else I see that causes me concern is when a woman begins to boss her man around. How many men want to have sex with their mother? Well, a few, I'm sure. But for the most part, the normal men are not turned on by such things. This mothering happens when the woman does too much for him or when she is bossy. It would be interesting to poll men to ask them what makes them cheat. My feeling is that we would find that men are tempted to cheat if the following criteria are met. She nags instead of asks She dominates by being bossy rather than respectfully asking for what she needs or wants. She is disrespectful to her man by using condescending remarks such as, "shut up," "You don't know anything," "I don't care what you want." Or worse remarks such as, "Stop touching me!" I don't like that!" Don't kiss me there!" "Eww, you're gross!" Even if said in fun, I think that if you ask a man, he might say that somewhere inside; a little piece of his ego was chipped away each time she does this. Stifling him in the relationship when he feels that his woman doesn't "let," him do things. Should a woman have the right to let, or not let a person do things? A relationship is supposed to be about trust. Therefore, if a man wants to go out with the guys to a bar, to a strip club, or just drink a few beers at home, this ultimately would not pose an issue. It's all about moderation, I think. The minute a woman starts saying thinks like, "I don't want you doing this, this, that, or that," chances are, whether he admits it or not, he's a very stifled and potentially restricted and unhappy man. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. It would also be interesting to poll women to ask them what makes them cheat. I have the feeling that it would be because of the following reasons. She can't be herself around him. He doesn't listen and tells her she shouldn't be upset. He doesn't tell her how precious she is to him. He does not make enough time for her. He does not help her with domestic things, or her internal struggles. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. Women need to know that they are free to be themselves. The big no-no phrases to hear are, "You shouldn't be upset," or "don't worry about it." Women want to talk and to be heard. Our way of thinking things through is by talking. Men, have you ever wondered why a woman will start a conversation with one opinion and by the time she's done, she will have a completely different point of view? This is because she was able to refine her thoughts just by your listening to her and not providing a solution. To come out the hero, men can reassure her and recognize that a woman gets insecure. When she seems angry, this translates to her actually being hurt. Women, need, reassurance. It's as simple as that. When she is upset, she doesn't talk to you because she doesn't trust you. You can reassure her that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there to just sit and listen while she talks it through. When a woman cries, it is her way of expression. Let her ball until she can't ball no more! Hugs are good during these times, even if it is about you. When she's done, she'll be free of her burden. I also get the feeling that often, women don't know how to handle men when they are upset. Men often think things through by silently working through it on their own until the time they are ready to talk. Women are the heroines when they leave a man alone until he is ready to share his feelings. When a man retreats, let him. Tell him that you notice something is wrong and you'll wait patiently for him to come to you when he's ready to talk. You understand that he just needs some space right now and it's okay. For the women, I say the following. It has been said that a man would be happy to give a woman anything she wanted if he only knew what it was. I learned in my life that it is better to begin a sentence, with, "I want more of this or that," instead of, "I don't want you to do this, this, or that." Nobody is a mind reader and the minute people begin to assume that their partner loves them because they, "should just know what I want," things begin to break. So men, if you love someone, reassure her when she's delicate, comfort her when she worries, and make her laugh when she is upset. Tell her how you feel about her often. Even just one sentence now and then. Never assume she knows how special she is to you, even if you think you show her. Keep in mind the little things such as romantic gestures and the sweet things that you did in the beginning. These never get old and if they stop, she thinks she is less of a woman. Women, if you love someone, always ask for what you need instead of assuming that if he loved you, he should know. never assume that he just knows that he is appreciated. Always say thank you and tell him, now and then, that you appreciate him for the things that he does. Tell him that he is adequate and you don't want perfection; you want, him. Assure him that you see him as a man. respect him for his thoughts and beliefs, and for his quirkiness, and again, the appreciation thing. Sex where he gets to have his way with you is also one way of showing him he's a man, quite nicely. Heheheh. And speaking of sex? Woohoo! Men, did you know that a woman thinks the sex is good because of the level of emotional intimacy and when you make sure that if she wants to climax, you make sure that happens. I read somewhere that men are ready to achieve this in five minutes whereas often, women need more touching and holding and teasing. About 25-minutes worth. Women, did you know that what makes sex good for a man is when he feels he can turn you on? If he thinks he can't, especially if he's right, oops, this is bad. Talk about it. Tell each other what you need. Set aside time outside of the bedroom to do this. Just talk! It's fun! As a final note to both. Be aware of what it feels like when you've lost respect for your partner. If that happens, it is time to do some serious evaluation. Talk about the things you need and figure out if there is anything you can do to give each other what you need. Don't just look at the symptoms; look at the underlying problem that is causing those symptoms. And if in your heart you know it isn't gonna work, don't just hang on for the sake of hanging on. Each of us has a right to be with someone that uplifts us and makes us feel that we are complete. Sometimes, if it's over, it's just over. The only thing to do is grieve, to move forward, learn all you can, and embrace the next love that comes along. Why did I write all this? I am watching people struggling in relationships all around me and it really sucks! Including one of my own. I've done a lot of talking and counseling of friends who struggle with relationships, as well as doing lots of reading on the subject of communication between partners and the ways in which men and women are different. Maybe something I've said here can help people somehow. I donno... So after I wrote all this, you might ask, "Well You say these things, but why did yours break up?" Mine broke up because his suitcases were too heavy and I could not lift them, nor could I roll them on their wheels. What do ya do when that happens? Uh, well? You accept it and decide what is best for you, for him, and for the both of you as a couple, or as friends. Ah well... *sigh* Yours, The Mary Ann who crawls sheepishly down from the soapbox and somberly makes her exit. -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Onj Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 1:11 AM To: talk2 Subject: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE Once again I thank my grandmother who is always full of surprises. This is a church-going lady and her reading and enjoying stuff like this is highly amusing. Message follows: A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer " The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses.. " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. "But my sweet honey... at the bar. You know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?" and....they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story? MR Andre P. Louis My personal site: http://AndreLouis.COM My Live Journal: http://LJ.AndreLouis.COM Free music (for use in MOH systems, podcasts and radio): http://tbrn.net/Beds The Beyond Radio Network (TBRN:) http://www.TBRN.NET The phonetones project: http://AndreLouis.COM/phonetones Online contacts: Email and NET Messenger: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Aim: FreakyFwoof Bitwise: FreakyFwoof Telephone contacts: Home (phone United Kingdom): +44207-0788886 Home (fax United Kingdom): +44207- 2212126 Cellular (United Kingdom): +44-7875-546903 In the United States: +1-702-520-5144 Ring the TBRN conference line 24 hours a day! +1-702-520-5123 Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again. __________ NOD32 2541 (20070920) Information __________ This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system. http://www.eset.com Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. 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