ok, thanks to all; please review the page now and let me know if it looks better now.
Jacopo On Sep 5, 2014, at 4:01 PM, Ron Wheeler <[email protected]> wrote: > The quotes were just there to separate the quoted text from my comments. They > are not part of the text. > > Could more likely drop "software" unless anyone has heard of an ERP that is > not software or an Apache project that does not produce software. > > Apache OFBiz™ is an open source product for the automation... > Apache OFBiz™ is an open source system for the automation... > Apache OFBiz™ is an open source package for the automation... > would all satisfy the Apache guidelines. > I would be fine with any of these. My goal was to achieve compliance with the > opening sentence. > > Thanks for all the great comments and suggestions. > They all can not be included but the discussion has been very helpful. > > Ron > > On 05/09/2014 7:54 AM, Jacques Le Roux wrote: >> That sounds like a definitive version, I just wonder why we have to keep >> "software product" instead of simply "software"? >> >> Also, do we really need to keep the ", and so on"? >> >> Jacques >> >> Le 05/09/2014 11:56, Jacopo Cappellato a écrit : >>> Here is an alternative version (that includes Pierre's feedback) for the >>> very first statement: >>> >>> "Apache OFBiz™ is an open source software product for the automation of >>> enterprise processes that includes framework components and business >>> applications for ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning), CRM [...]" >>> >>> For the remaining text, I would keep Adrian's version (based on Ron's >>> initial text). >>> >>> Jacopo >>> >>> On Sep 5, 2014, at 10:12 AM, Pierre Smits <[email protected]> wrote: >>> >>>> Hi Ron, >>>> >>>> Nice going! >>>> >>>> Who is the intended target audience? The message on the page should reflect >>>> that. >>>> >>>> Here is my version of that first statement: >>>> >>>> Apache OFBiz™ is an open source enterprise suite of business applications, >>>> that includes solutions for ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning), CRM >>>> (Customer Relationship Management), E-Business / E-Commerce, SCM (Supply >>>> Chain Management) and Warehousing, MRP (Manufacturing Resources Planning), >>>> MMS/EAM (Maintenance Management System/Enterprise Asset Management), POS >>>> (Point Of Sale), and so on. >>>> >>>> OFBiz™ provides all the building blocks for reliable, secure and scalable >>>> enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box, customize it or use it as a >>>> starting point to even implement your most challenging business needs. With >>>> OFBiz™, you can get started right away without the huge deployment and >>>> maintenance costs of traditional ERP solutions. As your business grows, >>>> extend the functionality to meet your more sophisticated needs. >>>> >>>> Apache OFBiz™ is licensed under the Apache License Version 2.0, and the >>>> project is part of the Apache Software Foundation. >>>> >>>> >>>> After that I would invite the reader with read-on links to get more info >>>> on: >>>> >>>> - the business angle - e.g. descriptions of the available >>>> apps/components/solutions (e.g. for the key decision makers in the - >>>> prospecting - organisation) >>>> - the development/implementation angle - e.g descriptions of how the >>>> OFBiz product is designed, etc. >>>> >>>> Best Regards, >>>> >>>> >>>> Pierre Smits >>>> >>>> *ORRTIZ.COM <http://www.orrtiz.com>* >>>> Services & Solutions for Cloud- >>>> Based Manufacturing, Professional >>>> Services and Retail & Trade >>>> http://www.orrtiz.com >>>> >>>> >>>> On Thu, Sep 4, 2014 at 9:16 PM, Ron Wheeler >>>> <[email protected]> >>>> wrote: >>>> >>>>> The opening description at http://ofbiz.apache.org/ violates Apache's >>>>> trademark policy is some very minor ways. >>>>> >>>>> "Apache OFBiz (The Apache Open For Business Project) is an open source >>>>> enterprise automation software project licensed under the Apache License >>>>> Version 2.0. By open source enterprise automation we mean: Open Source ERP >>>>> (Enterprise Resource Planning), Open Source CRM (Customer RelationShip >>>>> Management), Open Source E-Business / E-Commerce, Open Source SCM (Supply >>>>> Chain Management), Open Source MRP (Manufacturing Resources Planning), >>>>> Open >>>>> Source CMMS/EAM (Maintenance Management System/Enterprise Asset >>>>> Management), Open Source POS (Point Of Sale), and so on. >>>>> Apache OFBiz is a foundation and starting point for reliable, secure and >>>>> scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box (OOTB) or customize >>>>> to >>>>> suit even your most challenging business needs. With OFBiz in place, you >>>>> can get started right away and then grow your operations as your business >>>>> grows, without the huge deployment and maintenance costs of traditional >>>>> enterprise automation systems. >>>>> Apache OFBiz is a project of The Apache Software Foundation." >>>>> >>>>> could be modified to be >>>>> >>>>> "Apache OFBiz, the Apache Open For Business package, is an open source >>>>> enterprise automation software product that includes ERP (Enterprise >>>>> Resource Planning), CRM (Customer Relationship Management), E-Business / >>>>> E-Commerce, SCM (Supply Chain Management), MRP (Manufacturing Resources >>>>> Planning), MMS/EAM (Maintenance Management System/Enterprise Asset >>>>> Management) and POS (Point Of Sale) functions. >>>>> Apache OFBiz provides a foundation and starting point for reliable, secure >>>>> and scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box or customize it >>>>> to >>>>> suit even your most challenging business needs. With OFBiz, you can get >>>>> started right away without the huge deployment and maintenance costs of >>>>> traditional enterprise automation systems. As your business grows, extend >>>>> the functionality to meet your more sophisticated needs >>>>> The Apache OFBiz project is part of The Apache Software Foundation." >>>>> >>>>> This meets the need to protect the Apache OFBiz trademark by defining it >>>>> as a "package" rather than a "project". Projects can not be trademarked >>>>> (according to Apache) so the definition of OfBiz must define it as a thing >>>>> - "software", "package" or "system" are possible. >>>>> >>>>> I also changed CMMS to MMS since the full name is "Maintenance Management >>>>> System". Not sure if someone wrote CMMS on purpose and forgot to add the >>>>> "C-word" to the definition. >>>>> >>>>> I removed the repetition of "Open Source" since it applies to all features >>>>> and just makes the sentence very hard to read. I would suggest putting the >>>>> features as bullets to increase readability but that is a question of >>>>> taste >>>>> and how that would look on the page. >>>>> >>>>> I removed the "OOTB" since term is not used later on the page and just >>>>> interrupts the flow for no benefit. >>>>> CRM - Relationship is one word and the "S" should not be capitalized. >>>>> >>>>> I split the second last sentence to make the sentence easier to read. Is " >>>>> extend the functionality" an appropriate way to express the idea implied >>>>> in >>>>> the original sentence. >>>>> >>>>> How does this look? Have I screwe up anything? >>>>> Are there any other ideas that we should include in the opening >>>>> introduction to OFBiz? Typical customers or some guidance about the target >>>>> market? >>>>> >>>>> The bullets in the second column repeat some of the functionality >>>>> description is this section. >>>>> They seem to be selective without a balance between the major >>>>> functionality listed in column 1. >>>>> >>>>> Ron >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Ron Wheeler >>>>> President >>>>> Artifact Software Inc >>>>> email: [email protected] >>>>> skype: ronaldmwheeler >>>>> phone: 866-970-2435, ext 102 >>>>> >>>>> >>> >>> >> > > > -- > Ron Wheeler > President > Artifact Software Inc > email: [email protected] > skype: ronaldmwheeler > phone: 866-970-2435, ext 102 >
