Jacopo,
That looks much better. Here are some small grammar fixes:
=====================
Apache OFBiz™ is an open source enterprise automation product that
includes components for ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning), CRM
(Customer Relationship Management), E-Business / E-Commerce, SCM (Supply
Chain Management), MRP (Manufacturing Resources Planning), MMS/EAM
(Maintenance Management System/Enterprise Asset Management), POS (Point
Of Sale), and so on.
Apache OFBiz provides a foundation and starting point for reliable,
secure and scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box,
customize it or use it as a framework to implement your most challenging
business needs. With OFBiz, you can get started right away without the
huge deployment and maintenance costs of traditional enterprise
automation systems. As your business grows, you can extend the
functionality to meet your more sophisticated needs.
Apache OFBiz is licensed under the Apache License Version 2.0.
The Apache OFBiz project is part of The Apache Software Foundation.
=====================
Adrian Crum
Sandglass Software
www.sandglass-software.com
On 9/5/2014 9:00 AM, Jacopo Cappellato wrote:
Thank you Ron, much appreciated.
Could you please review the following version that should include all your
recommendations and also some details discussed in this thread?
In my opinion we should remove all the content after this (and just leave the
News section).
Jacopo
=====================
Apache OFBiz™ is an open source enterprise automation product that includes
components for ERP (Enterprise Resource Planning), CRM (Customer Relationship
Management), E-Business / E-Commerce, SCM (Supply Chain Management), MRP
(Manufacturing Resources Planning), MMS/EAM (Maintenance Management
System/Enterprise Asset Management), POS (Point Of Sale), and so on.
Apache OFBiz provides a foundation and starting point for reliable, secure and
scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box, customize it or use it as
a framework to implement even your most challenging business needs. With OFBiz,
you can get started right away without the huge deployment and maintenance
costs of traditional enterprise automation systems. As your business grows,
extend the functionality to meet your more sophisticated needs.
Apache OFBiz is licensed under the Apache License Version 2.0.
The Apache OFBiz project is part of The Apache Software Foundation.
=====================
On Sep 4, 2014, at 9:16 PM, Ron Wheeler <[email protected]> wrote:
The opening description at http://ofbiz.apache.org/ violates Apache's trademark
policy is some very minor ways.
"Apache OFBiz (The Apache Open For Business Project) is an open source
enterprise automation software project licensed under the Apache License Version
2.0. By open source enterprise automation we mean: Open Source ERP (Enterprise
Resource Planning), Open Source CRM (Customer RelationShip Management), Open Source
E-Business / E-Commerce, Open Source SCM (Supply Chain Management), Open Source MRP
(Manufacturing Resources Planning), Open Source CMMS/EAM (Maintenance Management
System/Enterprise Asset Management), Open Source POS (Point Of Sale), and so on.
Apache OFBiz is a foundation and starting point for reliable, secure and
scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box (OOTB) or customize to
suit even your most challenging business needs. With OFBiz in place, you can
get started right away and then grow your operations as your business grows,
without the huge deployment and maintenance costs of traditional enterprise
automation systems.
Apache OFBiz is a project of The Apache Software Foundation."
could be modified to be
"Apache OFBiz, the Apache Open For Business package, is an open source
enterprise automation software product that includes ERP (Enterprise Resource
Planning), CRM (Customer Relationship Management), E-Business / E-Commerce, SCM
(Supply Chain Management), MRP (Manufacturing Resources Planning), MMS/EAM
(Maintenance Management System/Enterprise Asset Management) and POS (Point Of Sale)
functions.
Apache OFBiz provides a foundation and starting point for reliable, secure and
scalable enterprise solutions. Use it out-of-the-box or customize it to suit
even your most challenging business needs. With OFBiz, you can get started
right away without the huge deployment and maintenance costs of traditional
enterprise automation systems. As your business grows, extend the functionality
to meet your more sophisticated needs
The Apache OFBiz project is part of The Apache Software Foundation."
This meets the need to protect the Apache OFBiz trademark by defining it as a "package" rather than a
"project". Projects can not be trademarked (according to Apache) so the definition of OfBiz must define it as a thing -
"software", "package" or "system" are possible.
I also changed CMMS to MMS since the full name is "Maintenance Management System". Not
sure if someone wrote CMMS on purpose and forgot to add the "C-word" to the definition.
I removed the repetition of "Open Source" since it applies to all features and
just makes the sentence very hard to read. I would suggest putting the features as
bullets to increase readability but that is a question of taste and how that would look
on the page.
I removed the "OOTB" since term is not used later on the page and just
interrupts the flow for no benefit.
CRM - Relationship is one word and the "S" should not be capitalized.
I split the second last sentence to make the sentence easier to read. Is " extend
the functionality" an appropriate way to express the idea implied in the original
sentence.
How does this look? Have I screwe up anything?
Are there any other ideas that we should include in the opening introduction to
OFBiz? Typical customers or some guidance about the target market?
The bullets in the second column repeat some of the functionality description
is this section.
They seem to be selective without a balance between the major functionality
listed in column 1.
Ron
--
Ron Wheeler
President
Artifact Software Inc
email: [email protected]
skype: ronaldmwheeler
phone: 866-970-2435, ext 102
