"Senator John McCain's advisors said Monday they have revamped the McCain
campaign again and are ready for the final stretch. If McCain continues
reinventing himself, he'll be only two reinventions away from being
Madonna."
- Pedro Bartes
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October Surprises In History
http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/october_surprises_in_history
Many elections have been altered by an "October surprise," or a sudden
revelation that casts one candidate in a bad light. Here are some of the
more memorable October surprises from years past:
1816
James Monroe (Democratic-Republican) vs. Rufus King (Federalist)
The Daily Pottstown Ledger intercepts a carrier pigeon carrying erotic
poetry from Sen. King to an unidentified minor
1840
William Henry Harrison (Whig) vs. Martin Van Buren (Democrat)
In one of the earliest photographs ever taken in the United States, the
incumbent Van Buren is revealed to be nothing more than a topcoat stuffed
with leaves
1868
Ulysses S. Grant (Republican) vs. Horatio Seymour (Democrat)
Scandal erupts when it is discovered that Seymour secretly supports polio
1924
Calvin Coolidge (Republican) vs. John W. Davis (Democrat)
Publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst releases photos of Davis
dressed as a flapper
1960
John F. Kennedy (Democrat) vs. Richard Nixon (Republican)
Chicago's powerful League of Deceased Voters rescinds its endorsement of
Nixon
1984
Ronald Reagan (Republican) vs. Walter Mondale (Democrat)
Ronald Reagan finds Osama bin Laden and gives him $100 million to fight
the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan
1988
George H. W. Bush (Republican) vs. Michael Dukakis (Democrat)
Voters are shocked when it is revealed that Dukakis previously slept with
and impregnated his wife of many years
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"The national media has written us off. Senator Obama is measuring the
drapes, and planning with Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid to raise taxes,
increase spending, take away your right to vote by secret ballot in labor
elections, and concede defeat in Iraq. But they forgot to let you decide.
My friends, we've got them just where we want them."
- Sen. John McCain [R-AZ], Pres. Candidate
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Famous Last Words....
http://instaputz.blogspot.com/2008/10/famous-last-words.html
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Cool McCain Supporter Wears 'McCain 2000' Shirt To Campaign Speech
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cool_mccain_supporter_wears
According to attendees at a rally held in Columbus' Capitol Theatre
Monday, a John McCain supporter in his early 30s was envied and admired by
onlookers for wearing an original navy blue "McCain 2000" T-shirt with a
peeling logo, frayed neckline, and several holes in the sleeves.
"When I saw his shirt, I was like, 'No way! That's totally vintage!'" said
24-year-old David Bennett, noting that it was not a pre-distressed "McCain
2000" shirt like the ones available at Urban Outfitters. "This guy's been
a McCain fan since the beginning. He said the campaign kickoff speech in
Nashua in '99 was fucking mind-blowing."
Sources reported that the hip McCain backer knew all the words to the
Arizona senator's speeches, and silently mouthed McCain's entire energy
policy while waving a cigarette lighter.
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"A couple of weeks ago I wagged my finger at The New York Times for
putting Barack Obama in their crossword [puzzle] over and over while never
including John McCain. I kept getting my hopes up, 'cause I'd overhear
people saying, 'McCain is five down... He's eight down... He's 10 down.'"
- Stephen Colbert, "The Colbert Report"
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Media Bias
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmmda/2008/tmmda081014.gif
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Look back! Don't look back!!
Look ahead! Look over there!!
Holy crapola, Batman, it's enough to make your head spin!
Don't their speechwriters even talk together over coffee and a cruller?!?
At a McCain/Palin campaign event in Virginia Beach on Monday, Sarah Palin
introduced Sen. McCain, including this as part of her message:
"You know, for a campaign that says it's all about the future, our
opponents sure do a lotta talkin' about the past and pointin' fingers to
the past. That strategy is finally wearin' a little bit too thin. Enough
is enough! They look to the past because that's where you find blame."
At which point John McCain came on, and as part of his speech, spewed
these words of wisdom:
"They say that those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to
repeat them. ... We never hide from history, we make history."
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Sarah Palin: Come on, John, we're Mavericks! You need ta, ya know, also,
in your speech, ya know.
John McCain: I know, Sarah, but here's the problem. Maverick means doing
something different. Different from what? Different how?
Sarah Palin: Oh John, there ya go again, bless your heart. I'd swear, you
almost, ya know, I'd swear if I didn't know ya. The liberals, the
democrats.
John McCain: That made no sense.
Sarah Palin: Drill, baby, drill.
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Enjoy The Ride
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/sc/2008/sc081014.gif
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
NEWS QUIZ
According to Fox News Channel, 86% say John McCain won the second
presidential debate. Based on which of the following polls?
a) Independent telephone survey of 1200 voting-age Americans.
b) Secret ballot at Loco Lobo, a maximum security hospital for the
criminally insane in Sedona.
c) Informal survey of Wasilla Sisterhood of Moose-Hunting Hockey Moms for
Christ.
d) Call-ins from viewers who watched debate on Fox News Channel.
(Hint: Fox News Channel remains cable's most-watched news network.)
- IronicTimes.com
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THE FINAL DEBATE: THE PREVIEW
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/10/15/1545834.aspx
. . The New York Daily News calls tonight "do or die" for McCain. The
News's DeFrank looks at six scenarios that could change the direction of
the race, including a stock market recovery, crisis abroad, a "big-time
Obama goof," a "bold McCain gesture" (like "dumping Sarah Palin" or
announcing Democratic secretaries), if younger voters stay home, or a
terrorist attack.
Will McCain bring up Ayers? "McCain appeared to take the bait yesterday.
'I was astonished to hear him say that he was surprised I didn't have the
guts to do that, because the fact is the question didn't come up in that
fashion,' McCain told a St. Louis radio station. 'I think he's probably
ensured it will come up this time.'" ...
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Cut Out The Middlemen
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmclo/2008/tmclo081013.gif
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"The legislative panel in Alaska investigating Troopergate released their
report that says Sarah Palin illegally abused her power as governor by
firing the state police chief because he wouldn't fire her sister's
ex-husband. But they said she didn't actually break the law so she won't
go to prison. Which is a pity because it would have been the first time
she was ever involved in a complete sentence."
- Bill Maher
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Sarah Palin denies she has abused her power as Alaska's governor. Palin
blamed the liberal media, and claimed she had been too busy watching
Russia to abuse anything."
- Joe Hickman
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"This has not been a good weekend for Gov. Palin. In a 263-page report,
Alaskan officials said she abused the powers of her office, and that was
an ethics violation. Wow! She's only been on the national scene a month
and she already has an ethics violation. Who said she's not ready for
Washington, huh?!"
- Jay Leno
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Sarah Palin: If she shoots you in the face, it's because she meant to!
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
What's This....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tt/2008/tt081014.gif
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Palin Claims Innocence Despite Report
http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/palin_claims_innocence_despite
Responding to a report which said that she broke ethics laws in trying to
have an Alaska state trooper fired, Gov. Sarah Palin said the report
cleared her of unlawful or unethical activity. What do you think?
Charlie Wheadon, X-Ray Technician
"Well, she'd be able to address it more directly if the Democrats hadn't
made truth so partisan."
Betty Hunter, Shoe Repair Person
"In my opinion, breaking ethics laws and then publicly lying about it is
what gives her that down-home regular-gal charm."
Darick Keene, Retired
"Barack Obama is a Muslim."
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Your Point?
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmra/2008/crmra081014.gif
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Before lawmakers in Alaska released their report on this troopergate
scandal, Sarah Palin's campaign released the results of their own campaign
clearing her of any wrongdoing. Thank God we cleared that up. Actually, I
think it's legitimate, because apparently Palin can see the courthouse
from her front porch, so obviously she's a lawyer."
- Jay Leno
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Alaska's legislature released an investigative committee report Friday
stating Governor Sarah Palin abused the powers of her office, but no one
cares. Everybody loves the backstory of a family of hillbillies drilling
for oil. As long as Mr. Drysdale doesn't turn over their banking records,
they should get away with everything."
- Argus Hamilton
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
He Laughs....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMyNk8J1c8g
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
The Constitution calls for the President (and, presumably, the
Vice-President) to "take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed."
Why is it I have the suspicion that Sarah Palin thinks that guns are
involved with that part of the job?
And, possibly, helicopters.
- elisha stephens, "Left I on the News"
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Sarah Palin reads teleprompters better than Dubya and answers questions
better than Terri Schiavo....
What more could we ask for?
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Sarah Palin will host NBC's Saturday Night Live in two weeks with Tina
Fey. Don't miss the opening segment. Sarah and Tina take turns saying
idiotic things and the crowd has to guess which ones are jokes and which
ones are Republican policy proposals."
- Argus Hamilton
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Over the weekend, Sarah Palin was booed at a Philadelphia Flyers hockey
game. According to ABC News, the booing was so loud, they cranked the
music up to deafening levels to drown it out. And to make it even more
awkward, once they cranked up the music, McCain started yelling, 'Turn
that crap down!'"
- Jay Leno
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
George W. Bush's famous book now has a sequel....
It's called "Field Dressing My Pet Goat".
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"It seems like, and in our last rally too, and in other parts around this
great Northwest, here in New Hampshire, ya just get it."
- Gov. Sarah Palin [R-AK], V.Pres. Candidate
DOH!!!
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
The Republican Voter Fraud Hoax
http://tinyurl.com/3fldyg
Barack Obama and the Democrats are stealing the election. Massive voter
fraud is being carried out, even as we speak, by their henchmen, known by
the innocuous sounding Association for Community Organisations for Reform
Now, or Acorn. Clever bastards.
The only problem? Despite the screaming wall-to-wall coverage of
"Democratic voter fraud in 11 swing states" as seen on Fox News and even
the once-respectable CNN, none of it's true. None of it.
In just the last week, we've had a phoney stunt raid in swing state Nevada
(where Acorn had been cooperating with officials for months, concerning
problem canvassers they'd long ago fired); a Republican election official
in swing state Missouri tells Fox News that she's being beseiged with
fraudulent registration forms from Acorn (in a county where they've not
done any registration work since August); a Republican sheriff in swing
state Ohio, who, the very next day, suddenly requested the names and
addresses of hundreds of early voters (with evidence of exactly zero wrong
doing, but lots of Democratic-leaning college student in the particular
county, and John McCain's state campaign chair as a partner in the
investigation); and a screaming front page headline in Rupert Murdoch's
New York Post about a guy who claims he was somehow tricked by Acorn into
registering 72 times (but read the article closely to note he says he
registered at the same address each time, which, even if true, would allow
him - you guessed it - precisely one legal vote.)
It's an old Republican scam, but it's never been carried out with more
zeal than this year. The Republicans have been putting so much time, money
and resources into the propaganda leading up to this over the last four
years, we should have expected no less. ...
The only actual crime here is that Acorn managed to register some 1.3m
low-income (read: Democratic-leaning) voters over the past two years. The
rest is, pretty much, just made up. ...
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
I like Senator McCain....
- He looks like a guy who falls asleep testing a mattress at Macy's.
- He looks like a guy you'd see wandering around Walgreen's looking for
the dye gel.
- He looks like the guy at Home Depot who mixes paint.
- David Letterman
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
Stand Up....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CJWXCEr-zY
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
GOP Executive Director Resigns
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2008/10/15/news/local/news03.txt
In an unusual move three weeks before the election and after a failed
attempt to challenge voter registrations in some Democratic strongholds,
the Montana Republican Party said Tuesday night it was changing executive
directors.
Former state Rep. Larry Grinde of Lewistown was named the party's
executive director after Jake Eaton resigned "to pursue other interests,"
the news release said. ...
Last week, rumors were running rampant in political circles that Eaton
would be pushed out because of the much-criticized effort to challenge
voter registrations in seven heavily Democratic counties. ...
The Montana Democratic Party jumped on the announcement to criticize
Republicans for the voter challenges.
"After the efforts of the Republican Party to suppress the rights of 6,000
Montana voters, I think it was clear that a change in management was
needed," state Democratic Party spokesman Kevin O'Brien said. ...
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"The stock market went up 900 points today. This is the best thing to
happen to the John McCain campaign since... actually, it's the first good
thing to happen to the McCain campaign."
- Jay Leno
*****************
Election Coverage
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmlu/2008/crmlu081014.gif
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