Hello abc, I understand what you are saying about your mom. I to have been in abusive relationships and have spent a lot of time trying to understand conflict and conflict resolution. Let me mention a couple of things which have helped me over the years.
First point, acknowledge to yourself you have the choice to suffer or not. The suffering we go through is our choice, whether we admit it or not. We ALWAYS have a choice, and usually we can change our outer circumstances if we really want to. If we *choose* to keep the current outer arrangement, we can choose to change how we view events. Which brings me to the second point; the flipside of right speech is right listening. Two thoughts from my readings have helped me *listen* better. The first came from a book called Non-violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg: "All expressions of anger are really expressions of unmet needs." A similar idea comes from a book called Love is letting go of Fear by Gerald Jampolsky, "In order to experience peace instead of conflict, it is necessary to shift our perception. Instead of seeing others as attacking us, we can see them as fearful....Fear is really a call for help, and therefore a request for Love." In my efforts at practicing this, it has helped me "listen" to the suffering in a person and get past their words and my reactions to them. It has been a very useful tool for developing compassion. Maybe you will find it useful. Write those thoughts on a note card, keep it with you a few days and review throughout the day. Then when you get hit with a blast from your mother, hopefully before your button gets pushed, you can change your perception of your mother and look past what she is saying to see a suffering being. Warmest Regards, David M. -- _______________________________________________ Find what you are looking for with the Lycos Yellow Pages http://r.lycos.com/r/yp_emailfooter/http://yellowpages.lycos.com/default.asp?SRC=lycos10 ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> What would our lives be like without music, dance, and theater? Donate or volunteer in the arts today at Network for Good! http://us.click.yahoo.com/WwRTUD/SOnJAA/i1hLAA/S27xlB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, Right Livelihood Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZenForum/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
