Hi abc- I couldnt believe it when I read your post. My mom is the same way . I was writing to the group without being specific in an attempt to try to figure out how to deal with my mom .I have to tell you , ever since I have been married , my mom practically makes fun of my life . She does it in a indirect manipulative way so that I know something is being said insulting to me but if I say something back Im told Im taking it the wrong way.She is also outright mean too . Im not sure if my mom is depressed but something is not right at all. She finds joy in making fun of my life .In the past I have asked her advice and the advice she gives me is only to benefit her If she knows I am distressed she uses it as a chance to tell me to divorce my husband .And my husband is such a great guy but she absolutely hates him. So, I do empathize and know that it hurts confidence . It has affected my life is many ways , mainly I am very closed up to a lot where I used to be a very open person. In your situation this is all I can come up with .She must feel like life has passed her by . Now you have started your own family and that doesnt always include her. She is jealous. What I do is TRY( doesnt always work) to detach -- I see the pattern for what it really is. Different insult , same agenda. I try to realize --this is just my mom being unhappy and scared of being totally alone .She is acting out because she is dependent and too attached . You mentioned the famous glare and it is a glare that really stings . I am ready to move away too ( I live about 20 minutes from my mom ) --- I am sure its going to be filled with premonitions( you will hate it , youll be divorced and alone up there ) .She tries to stir up and plays on my fears . Well, thanks so much for sharing your experience . I think the reason it hurts is because a mom is there to love there children unconditionally , even when they are adults its natural for mothers to want happiness for their children. ( So, why cant our parents be normal) 2. She cant accept / respect my boundaries .In your situation, since you live in the same house , boundaries is something you might all be struggling with too . Since you have your own kids , they will sense the tension and overall the whole situation is draining and is disruptive to them too. Hopefully , we as parents can figure out a way to change this as I know in my case -- too much attention is devoted to this situation and it takes away from my life. As you said, if your in a good mood , she stomps all over it . So, now your in a bad mood and now your kids can feel that. So, the negativity spreads . Well, I wish you the best and hope that things get better for you. Namaste- Allison
abc <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: From: nypd25838 I think if I can figure this out it will solve a lot for me.>> Me too. Let me tell you of something that is a very big confidence destroyer for me. My mother lives with me and my family. I love her very much, but we do not get along. She loves to put me down. She also loves to create arguments with me. She suffers from Depression, and she is supposed to take medication. Sometimes she is very nice for a few days or a couple of weeks, and I presume that she is taking her medications. We get along great when she is in a good mood, and I am always trying to be supportive and tell her that she is a good mother and that I love her very much. Everyone at home gives her a lot of love, especially her grandchildren. Anyhow, what never fails to totally upset me and gets me angry and argumentative and then destroys my confidence is that when she seems like she is in a very good mood, I will ask her for anything, like "pass the salt" or "can you make coffee" or "do you know where the remote control is" or something along those lines and she will say something like "Why don't you get it yourself, I'm not your slave." (or something along those lines) in a very crude and mean way. The way she says it is more shocking than what she says, as she will glare at me like she wants to kill me, and http://nycpba.org/ The fact that she always manages to do this whenever I am in a very positive mood is more antagonizing. She never visibly changes her attitude before making these remarks. She will be in a totally positive and friendly mood and then all of the sudden start dropping a whole bunch of putdowns and negative remarks on me. You name it, she has said it about me and to me. When I am just "regular" or otherwise not in a visibly good mood, Mom never acts like that. It seems to me that she cannot stand to see me in a good mood! What seems to antagonize her the most is anytime that my wife and my children are all together and we are laughing or joking around. It also bothers me that I always fall for the same thing. Mom has been doing this for many years. I have reached the point where I am very conscious to try to never ask her for anything, and we hardly talk but it is not easy to live like that. I never wanted to leave my mother alone and move away when I was younger. Now that I am getting older I am realizing that there never will come the time when she will tell me what a good son I am. Her endless BS will just continue until she dies, and she will probably tell me that she hates me when she is on her deathbed. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, Right Livelihood Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT document.write(''); --------------------------------- Yahoo! Groups Links To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZenForum/ To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. --------------------------------- Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Search presents - Jib Jab's 'Second Term' [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Has someone you know been affected by illness or disease? Network for Good is THE place to support health awareness efforts! http://us.click.yahoo.com/UwRTUD/UOnJAA/i1hLAA/S27xlB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Noble Eightfold Path: Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, Right Livelihood Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZenForum/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
