Thanks for the long thoughtful post, Fudo -- good to see you hit the
ground running :)

A couple of questions, in part just or promote positive discussion on
this struggling forum:

1)  Fudos qutoe:  In the Bendowa Dogen states "if perceptions and
understanding are mixed in, then it is not the mark of verification."  

-- what is this saying?  That ones 'attainnment' is fake / unverifiable
if it is comprised of perceptions and understanding?  If so, I don't get
it... But maybe I'm reading the thing wrong.  Little help?

2) Fudo writes:  It is when we no longer try to drive our mind down one
particular track that we can begin to see what it naturally is. We can
begin to sense what we truly are.

-- I am seeing how this works.  In part it greatly reduces the 'burden'
of maintaining a self-importance.  Things that don't go my way, don't
bother me as much, because I don't associate my 'self' with the previous
wish/desire/misconception.  I can say, "those poorly laid plans weren't
mine, just some past fool named Rod -- now that I have to deal with the
pieces, what will this Rod do/plan for?"  Lets me get to work rather
than lament ideas of loss...  All that said, there is another temptation
that has been arising and I think you might have actually recommended I
pursue it if I recall, but I suspect because of its decadence its not a
rewarding way to see things.I'd like your and others input on its effacy
before I give further into it, or swear it off:

  My habit of repackaging things into self and other, makes me want to
still point and say THAT is me.  Naturally the stuff I point at is
flattering, like I AM Life/ existence/ arising/ thinking/ observing/
love/ curiosity/ hope etc.  This is attractive because I don't see death
much in those things, and thus it sounds like a nice place to hang my
hat (and also stroke my ego since I leave out the
death/non-existence/stillness/fear/apathy/defeat).  I know I shouldn't
deliberately 'choose' where to hang my hat, and just let it work itself
out, but I feel trapped between resisting the egotistic but decadent
lure of being a personification of etneral
Arising/Bodhisattva/Buddha/God/etc. and the alternative of trying to
keep 'knowledge' of the impermanent nature of things in my wretching
gut.  

Where is the alternative place?  Hang my hat on death with equal fervor
as life?  Defeat with equal surety of hope?

Rod Scholl 



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