Dear Subramani,
I think you've made some excellent points on this subject.
Marriage or companionship is an important part of our
lives, but we shouldn't base our happiness on someone's acceptance or
rejection of us. no one has the divine
right to hurt us that way.
Every human being tries to find peace and happiness in the world. Yet none
has succeeded in gaining ever-lasting Happiness. Happiness is not something
that we draw from the external world. For example, a person finds pleasure
in smoking cigarettes while another detests smoking. The cigarette being the
same, produces pleasure to one and pain to another. Again, one wants to
divorce his wife. Another waits anxiously to marry her. The lady being the
same, produces sorrow to one and joy to the other. Hence pleasure or pain,
joy or sorrow is not inherent in the objects or beings of the world. They
are in us. Depending on how we relate to the world outside.
true happiness lies within us. We will have to find it in our own Self,
whether maried or not. The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer puts this
idea succinctly: It is difficult to find happiness in oneself but it is
impossible to find it anywhere else.
I'm not suggesting that marriage is not important, but to base our happiness
on it alone is an overstatement.
Infact, marriage is a very sacred institution wherein we learn to increase
our circle of identification and love, learn the higher value of living with
each other in a spirit of service and sacrifice.
The experience of love, the expression of this feeling seems to emerge
initially with our partner, our child. We perhaps did not experience it as
clearly until we raised a family. Having generated this noble feeling of
love, let us not restrict it, confine it to the family unit. Let the rays of
our affection radiate all over. Our fondness permeate every being. Our love
pervade the flora and fauna, hills and valleys and fill up the entire
universe. Our home therefore should be the centre and not the boundary of
our affection.
So yeah as you rightly pointed out, the essential thing is to be happy and
drift like a feather in the
wind, we will find the right tree. Certain things in life are best
left to the control of the divine who has given us the intelligence,
job and position to care for ourselves.
And yes, even I'm of the opinion that it makes more sense to prefer a
partner who has a similar challenge,though it is not a rule.
Thanks for your practical insight,
Loving regards,
Rishi.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Subramani L" <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 8:29 AM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'Disability' before marriage
I do agree marriage or companionship is an important part of our
lives, but we shouldn't base our happiness on someone's acceptance or
rejection of us. Of course, it may make us feel disappointed or point
to our disability, but we are our own person and no one has the divine
right to hurt us that way. If you think only marriage or getting a
companion would make you happy, ask those married and they would tell
you it need not necessarily be true. Getting a life partner is
something that happens in the process of living, or, those lucky
amongst us get to spend time with someone chosen for us a lifetime
learning about her/him. If it happens, it happens. Don't get desperate
and marry someone to prove a point, this would be disastrous. Also,
don't get rejections get to you. Believe me, disability is only a
convenient excuse for many people to reject you. If you really seen as
someone valuable in some way, surely the person who is able to
understand that would take you as his/her life partner. Happiness is
key to everything. If you are complaining and are unhappy, how do you
expect to let someone know that living with you is the happiest thing?
So essential thing is to be happy and drift like a feather in the
wind, you will find the right tree. Certain things in life are best
left to the control of the divine who has given us the intelligence,
job and position to care for ourselves. remember, these are the things
we never thought we would have for ourselves once upon a time (which
is true for me at least).
Subbu
On 12/11/11, ss sarfudeen <[email protected]> wrote:
Dear members.
I totally agree with the view expressed by Bhawani Shankar Verma
earlier about the plight of the disabled partner irrespective of the
gender. It is in fact, worse for the VI women. Whether in love or in
marriage, the sighted person at some stage, rejects their disabled
partner. Another side of this reality is that even if the sighted
person willingly accepts their disabled partner, they get greatly
influenced by their family and friends in making their decisions to
reject them as these so called family and friends feel that leading a
happy married life with a vision impaired person is not possible at
all.
I am not saying this without any factual evidences.
Regards
Sultana.
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--
L. Subramani,
Snr. Subeditor,
Deccan Herald,
Bangalore,
M: 91-9886046612
"You see and ask why? I dream and ask why not?"
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