Dear Akhilesh, As far as cheating is concern it depends on individual person.It depends on individual's morality & values. A person whose instinct is to cheat he/she can cheat, no matter there partner is abled or disabled. Agreed that in case of abled partner they have little opportunities as compare to disabled partner. Although disability is nothing to do with it (cheating) yet disability makes it is easy for others to cheat.
I was fully sighted when I married at 26 years. I lost my sight in an accident when I was 28. I have never faced any problem with my sighted partner after loosing my sight. For us it is just a colour of life, we both shared the rainbow, now it is time to share the dark. Best Regards, Lalit Yadav From: akhilesh <[email protected]> Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2011 01:47:01 To: [email protected] Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage Hello Ravindra, I think Rajesh sir asked this question in reply of comments made by mr. Bhavani. I hold the similar views as mr. Bhavani as far as cheating is concern. We have neither the suitable agency nor the financial budgets to conduct such research work. Whatever he or I have experienced and said, it is based on our day to day life, and in the society we live. In one of my previous mail I also pointed the instances where cheating might have not taken place or not exists at all. But these are only exceptions and should not be taken as a guiding points. Good to here that you fall in the exceptional category as far as cheating is concern. Wishing to you a very enjoying and happy married life for many decades to come. With regards, Akhilesh Kumar Dahiya, Advocate. Mobile: +91 9210616426 New Delhi. On 12/13/11, Ravindra Jadhav <[email protected]> wrote: > Dear Rajesh sir, > in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted > partners. whether is male or female. > > Please share the sample size and the results? > Good question ask to him. > I am totally VI person, I married with normal lady. > But I am not cheating whith her even my parent also not. But in some > cases I am facing strong problem whith her that time mother handling > the situation and solve the problem. > > On 12/12/11, Asudani, Rajesh <[email protected]> wrote: >> In most of the cases cheated? >> >> Have you conducted any empirical study? >> Please share the sample size and the results? >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: [email protected] >> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of BHAWANI >> SHANKAR >> VERMA >> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM >> To: [email protected] >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted >> partners. whether is male or female. >> >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true >> in >> the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "ekinath ekinath" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <[email protected]> >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> I am struck! >> Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. >> >> Can't believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like >> that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. >> Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys >> its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. >> >> I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and >> marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes >> normal life. >> >> I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and >> unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can >> compensate. >> >> Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in >> relationships as girls don't pick up their partners, and again >> normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. >> >> I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can't run, >> play or even show him the way. >> >> Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by >> doing little good that u can. >> >> But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love >> from my friends, family and kith kins. >> >> Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. >> Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. >> >> >> >> >> >> On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: >>> Dear Shadab bhai, >>> >>> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a >>> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a >>> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually >>> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was >>> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally >>> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months >>> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply >>> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me >>> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but >>> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our >>> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other >>> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she >>> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual >>> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) >>> >>> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents >>> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters >>> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the >>> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my >>> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding >>> all or most of my aspirations. >>> >>> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end >>> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such >>> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would >>> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married >>> life. >>> >>> sorry for a longish mail. >>> >>> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 >>> >>> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, >>>> the >>>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India >>>> but >>>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >>>> night. >>>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >>>> women. >>>> With Regards >>>> B. R. Nautial >>>> - Original Message ----- >>>> From: "Sushmeetha" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible >>>>> for >>>>> a lady to get a husband. >>>>> >>>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >>>>> looks >>>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>>>> >>>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >>>>> than >>>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>>>> >>>>> Regards >>>>> Sushmeetha >>>>> -----Original Message----- >>>>> From: [email protected] >>>>> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Shadab >>>>> Husain >>>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>>>> To: accessindia; [email protected] >>>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>> >>>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>>>> >>>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>>>> >>>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>>>> >>>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>>> again as if it was hurting them. >>>>> >>>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>>> to take chances. >>>>> >>>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>>> course of time I have become blind. >>>>> >>>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>>>> cannot see." >>>>> >>>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>>>> >>>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>>>> >>>>> But I was wrong. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>>> would have been in great trouble. >>>>> >>>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>>>> >>>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>>>> >>>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>>> after rejection will not affect me. >>>>> >>>>> I remained a bachelor. >>>>> >>>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>>>> >>>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>>> except God. >>>>> >>>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>>> eliminate it. >>>>> >>>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>>>> >>>>> ----- >>>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>>>> >>>>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Develop your personality and English at >>>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> -------------------------------------- >>>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >> >> >> -- >> "The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, >> but it is the current beneath the water that determines your direction." >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and >> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are >> addressed. 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