Hi Pankaj sir, Thanks a lot for your email!
Hi Ajay, Thank you very much for your email! Whether to choose a sighted or blind partner depends on innumerable circumstances. A preconceived notion against or in favour of one option should not be formed. But, being ourselves blind, we wish a person who can totally understand our condition. There is a belief among us that only a blind can entirely understand the condition of another blind. This belief is widely correct. I feel that one has to be empathetic and intelligent to understand the condition of another person. You can be a recent blind. You might try to tell your problems to a birth blind person. There is a probability that he will find them strange. He can freely call you ‘a blind’ without even realizing that it embarrasses or pains you. Similarly, you can be a birth blind person. You too can face problems making it understand to a recent blind. Therefore, empathy and intelligence are the keys, not blindness or sight. I feel that we must seek partners who have empathy and intelligence instead of seeking partners with blindness or sight. Regards Shadab PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com On 12/14/11, Lalit Yadav <[email protected]> wrote: > Dear Akhilesh, > > As far as cheating is concern it depends on individual person.It depends on > individual's morality & values. > A person whose instinct is to cheat he/she can cheat, no matter there > partner is abled or disabled. > Agreed that in case of abled partner they have little opportunities as > compare to disabled partner. > Although disability is nothing to do with it (cheating) yet disability makes > it is easy for others to cheat. > > I was fully sighted when I married at 26 years. I lost my sight in an > accident when I was 28. > I have never faced any problem with my sighted partner after loosing my > sight. For us it is just a colour of life, > we both shared the rainbow, now it is time to share the dark. > > Best Regards, > Lalit Yadav > > > > > > > > > > From: akhilesh <[email protected]> > Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2011 01:47:01 > To: [email protected] > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > Hello Ravindra, > > > > I think Rajesh sir asked this question in reply of comments made by mr. > Bhavani. > > > > I hold the similar views as mr. Bhavani as far as cheating is concern. > > > > We have neither the suitable agency nor the financial budgets to > > conduct such research work. > > > > Whatever he or I have experienced and said, it is based on our day to > > day life, and in the society we live. > > > > In one of my previous mail I also pointed the instances where cheating > > might have not taken place or not exists at all. But these are only > > exceptions and should not be taken as a guiding points. > > > > Good to here that you fall in the exceptional category as far as > > cheating is concern. > > > > Wishing to you a very enjoying and happy married life for many decades to > come. > > > > With regards, > > Akhilesh Kumar Dahiya, > > Advocate. > > Mobile: +91 9210616426 > > New Delhi. > > > > > > On 12/13/11, Ravindra Jadhav <[email protected]> wrote: > > > Dear Rajesh sir, > > > in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted > > > partners. whether is male or female. > > > > > > Please share the sample size and the results? > > > Good question ask to him. > > > I am totally VI person, I married with normal lady. > > > But I am not cheating whith her even my parent also not. But in some > > > cases I am facing strong problem whith her that time mother handling > > > the situation and solve the problem. > > > > > > On 12/12/11, Asudani, Rajesh <[email protected]> wrote: > > >> In most of the cases cheated? > > >> > > >> Have you conducted any empirical study? > > >> Please share the sample size and the results? > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> -----Original Message----- > > >> From: [email protected] > > >> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of > BHAWANI > > >> SHANKAR > > >> VERMA > > >> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM > > >> To: [email protected] > > >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >> > > >> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their > sighted > > >> partners. whether is male or female. > > >> > > >> ----- Original Message ----- > > >> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> > > >> To: <[email protected]> > > >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM > > >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >> > > >> > > >> I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally > true > > >> in > > >> the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? > > >> ----- Original Message ----- > > >> From: "ekinath ekinath" <[email protected]> > > >> To: <[email protected]> > > >> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <[email protected]> > > >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM > > >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >> > > >> > > >> I am struck! > > >> Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the > spouses. > > >> > > >> Can't believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like > > >> that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these > thoughts. > > >> Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but > guys > > >> its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. > > >> > > >> I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and > > >> marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes > > >> normal life. > > >> > > >> I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and > > >> unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can > > >> compensate. > > >> > > >> Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in > > >> relationships as girls don't pick up their partners, and again > > >> normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing > etc. > > >> > > >> I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can't run, > > >> play or even show him the way. > > >> > > >> Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness > by > > >> doing little good that u can. > > >> > > >> But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love > > >> from my friends, family and kith kins. > > >> > > >> Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. > > >> Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> > wrote: > > >>> Dear Shadab bhai, > > >>> > > >>> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i > got a > > >>> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of > a > > >>> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am > visually > > >>> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who > was > > >>> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not > totally > > >>> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 > months > > >>> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were > deeply > > >>> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. > it's me > > >>> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years > later. but > > >>> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed > our > > >>> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all > other > > >>> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, > she > > >>> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual > > >>> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) > > >>> > > >>> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my > parents > > >>> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all > quarters > > >>> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i > believe the > > >>> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the > attitude of my > > >>> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me > disregarding > > >>> all or most of my aspirations. > > >>> > > >>> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at > the end > > >>> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one > such > > >>> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light > would > > >>> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid > married > > >>> life. > > >>> > > >>> sorry for a longish mail. > > >>> > > >>> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 > > >>> > > >>> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <[email protected]> wrote: > > >>>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since > beginning, > > >>>> the > > >>>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not > only in India > > >>>> but > > >>>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be > change in one > > >>>> night. > > >>>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical > for the blind > > >>>> women. > > >>>> With Regards > > >>>> B. R. Nautial > > >>>> - Original Message ----- > > >>>> From: "Sushmeetha" <[email protected]> > > >>>> To: <[email protected]> > > >>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM > > >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before > marriage > > >>>> > > >>>> > > >>>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, > but its not possible > > >>>>> for > > >>>>> a lady to get a husband. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we > are, a man still > > >>>>> looks > > >>>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning > & get rejected, > > >>>>> than > > >>>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Regards > > >>>>> Sushmeetha > > >>>>> -----Original Message----- > > >>>>> From: [email protected] > > >>>>> [mailto:[email protected]] On > Behalf Of Shadab > > >>>>> Husain > > >>>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 > > >>>>> To: accessindia; [email protected] > > >>>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before > marriage > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >>>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were > searching a bride for > > >>>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as > others call it) > > >>>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest > and willingness > > >>>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis > Pigmentosa-caused > > >>>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the > issue further > > >>>>> or politely tendered their refusals. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and > they found it > > >>>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for > the fear that I > > >>>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty > or shameful > > >>>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no > reason to get > > >>>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were > interested in me until > > >>>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. > I have not > > >>>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond > my control, > > >>>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess > that sometimes I > > >>>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end > of the tunnel. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used > to frequent us > > >>>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my > marriage proposal to > > >>>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed > wife merrily > > >>>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is > yours, we know > > >>>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great > celebration. > > >>>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be > so divine that > > >>>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, > are loving and > > >>>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was > that we had > > >>>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they > know about my > > >>>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had > helped her > > >>>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. > But they just did > > >>>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk > about that issue > > >>>>> again as if it was hurting them. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I > felt some > > >>>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because > I did not want > > >>>>> to take chances. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not > taking my sight > > >>>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I > have enough sight > > >>>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I > work on > > >>>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city > independently > > >>>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of > station). But > > >>>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise > that in the > > >>>>> course of time I have become blind. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I > am looking > > >>>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen > reading > > >>>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when > I walk alone. I > > >>>>> cannot see." > > >>>>> > > >>>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she > was broken. > > >>>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands > were shaking at > > >>>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already > known about > > >>>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and > disinclined. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have > reacted in a > > >>>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My > marriage date was > > >>>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that > they were > > >>>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the > game was over. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> But I was wrong. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the > > >>>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started > showering > > >>>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully > sympathetic tone, > > >>>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her > expressions and tone, > > >>>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry > me. I was > > >>>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after > marriage, I > > >>>>> would have been in great trouble. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and > called it 'In the > > >>>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly > celebrate life; > > >>>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which > bottles are > > >>>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the > main character > > >>>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. > Thankfully, we > > >>>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite > separated, we > > >>>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the > morning. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the > girl-who-could-be-my-wife told > > >>>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply > moved by that > > >>>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had > cried and > > >>>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become > blind. Her family > > >>>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl > was willing to > > >>>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? > Celebrations, excitement, > > >>>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the > sort. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. > (Though I always beg > > >>>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His > creations.) I had earlier > > >>>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, > but acceptance > > >>>>> after rejection will not affect me. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I remained a bachelor. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I > found many > > >>>>> people (including two blind men) who were very > sufficiently leading a > > >>>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why > cannot I?" > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. > Loneliness humbles you, > > >>>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to > be happy in > > >>>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be > independent of all > > >>>>> except God. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only > tried to be > > >>>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my > family members > > >>>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live > alone." Besides, > > >>>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be > happy in an > > >>>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly > prolong or > > >>>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth > our good > > >>>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take > steps to > > >>>>> eliminate it. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about > the future. I > > >>>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) > and tried not to > > >>>>> miss a chance to improve myself. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I > was introduced > > >>>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each > and everything > > >>>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess > what....that > > >>>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! > > >>>>> > > >>>>> ----- > > >>>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati > Shahuji Maharaj > > >>>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English > literature, and > > >>>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well > as a > > >>>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog > on personality > > >>>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, > click > > >>>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html > > >>>>> > > >>>>> -- > > >>>>> Develop your personality and English at > > >>>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Search for old postings at: > > >>>>> > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >>>>> > > >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >>>>> [email protected] > > >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any > other changes, > > >>>>> please > > >>>>> visit the list home page at > > >>>>> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> -------------------------------------- > > >>>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> > > >>>>> Search for old postings at: > > >>>>> > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >>>>> > > >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >>>>> [email protected] > > >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >>>>> > > >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any > other changes, > > >>>>> please visit the list home page at > > >>>>> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >>>>> > > >>>> > > >>>> > > >>>> > > >>>> Search for old postings at: > > >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >>>> > > >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >>>> [email protected] > > >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >>>> > > >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any > other changes, > > >>>> please > > >>>> visit the list home page at > > >>>> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >>>> > > >>>> > > >>> > > >>> > > >>> Search for old postings at: > > >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >>> > > >>> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >>> [email protected] > > >>> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >>> > > >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other > changes, > > >>> please > > >>> visit the list home page at > > >>> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >>> > > >>> > > >> > > >> > > >> -- > > >> "The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, > > >> but it is the current beneath the water that determines your > direction." > > >> > > >> > > >> Search for old postings at: > > >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >> > > >> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >> [email protected] > > >> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >> > > >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other > changes, > > >> please > > >> visit the list home page at > > >> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Search for old postings at: > > >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >> > > >> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >> [email protected] > > >> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >> > > >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other > changes, > > >> please > > >> visit the list home page at > > >> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> Search for old postings at: > > >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > >> > > >> To unsubscribe send a message to > > >> [email protected] > > >> with the subject unsubscribe. > > >> > > >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other > changes, > > >> please > > >> visit the list home page at > > >> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > >> > > >> > > >> Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are > confidential and > > >> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom > they are > > >> addressed. 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