My favourite one is an email asking for a refund. Very short and
sweet:

"I'd like a refund please"

At this point I assume they have just missed out on the refund period
and look up the order so that I can refund. The order is over a year
old, so I assume there must be a bug or crash problem and send a
reply:

"Can you please give me some more details on problem you are having
that requires a refund?"

The response:

"I'm selling my phone so I no longer have any use for the game"

I was very tempted to write a response asking if they return the tires
on their car when they are done with them. In the end I did the right
thing and bit my tongue, but no refund of course.

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