--- In [email protected], "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > --- In [email protected], "Cliff" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > wrote:
> > Judy must either like verbal abuse or feel it's the norm > > of communication (maybe her Mom talked to the rest > > of her family this way pretty often?), I have often stated that imputing or diagnosing motives and psychological dynamics for others is apt to be counter-productive. Though I have done it, as many have. Perhaps its because I have seen the backlash / blowback of doing so I see its harm. It never, in my recollection, has led to deeper inquiry of the subject at hand. On the other had, observing acions and speculating on inner motives and dynamics can be a form of inquiry and not personal attack. But if it is the former, it seems fair to start with oneself. For example, while I like Cliff, I find his speculation about Judy's mother over the top, even rude. And a form of personal attack, in my view and reading of it. On the other hand (I am up to three hands now i guess), perhaps someone says, "this conversations has made me wonder about how inner dynamics are formed which cause or trigger certain behaviors. Specifically, my mother, a wonderful lady, had the habit of letting it be known when one, anyone, was not acting up to her standards. While well meant, and instructive at times, I saw it was counterproductive. And YET, for many years, I modelled my mothers behavior. I was unware of it until 5 years ago when ... triggered and understanding of it. I have been working to "unmodel" or deconstruct the prior modeling. Not always successfully. I am wondering if others have seen the same thing in themselves. Specifically Judy -- I sense we may share some commonality here, i see similar dynamics in you that I have been dealing with in myself. While I am sure your mother was a wonderful person, was she similar to my mother in the "always correcting to her standards" mode?" Then the same idea is expressed, but its clearly on the path of inquiry and not personal slight or ego-one-up-manship. And one first "invests some skin" in the topic, by revealing their own self-relection and revalation of some "dirt" they found inside themselves. > since she dishes it out > > so regularly. I just ignore it, for the most part, as it > > has little to do with gaining more insight or knowledge > > about anything other than Judy's psyche. If you are ignoring it for the most part, why do you comment on it so frequently? > Once again I'll point out the very interesting > phenomenon here that Barry's verbal abuse of me > is at least as bad as mine of him Well. "faint praise" for yourself. Two wrongs don't make a right, and all. --not to mention > that he lies and I don't--yet for some reason, I > get all the flak. Everyone can make up their own mind if they think Barry lies. No need to continually point out your view. > I'm beginning to wonder whether there might be > some connection between this phenomenon and the > defense here of strip clubs. Which would be? > (And by the way, the verbal abuse I and others > regularly get from Cliff makes it *exceptionally* > curious that he would feel he's in a position to > criticize *anybody* else.) Agreed. Probably no one is in a position to criticize others. We are all mature adults (cough, cough) and profess to be spiritually and compasionally oriented (cough, cough). So why not express such. If you (the universal you, I am not focussing on one person) see a weakness in a person, why rub it in? If you are motivated to do something, instead of just accepting it (not an unwise course), then why not try to help the person. Hopefully in subtle, supportive ways and not "its clear you are fucked up in this area, and I, not being fuck up, and being rather superlative in most areas, am here to publicly show my extensive compassion, so here is what you should do." ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/JjtolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
