--- In [email protected], akasha_108 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > --- In [email protected], "authfriend" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: [akasha_108 wrote:] > in themselves. Specifically Judy -- I sense we may share some > commonality here, i see similar dynamics in you that I have been > dealing with in myself. While I am sure your mother was a wonderful > person, was she similar to my mother in the "always correcting to > her standards" mode?"
Not at all. Nor my father, either. <snip> > > Once again I'll point out the very interesting > > phenomenon here that Barry's verbal abuse of me > > is at least as bad as mine of him > > Well. "faint praise" for yourself. Two wrongs don't make a right, > and all. Didn't say they did. I'm talking about double standards. > --not to mention > > that he lies and I don't--yet for some reason, I > > get all the flak. > > Everyone can make up their own mind if they think Barry lies. Well, no, in most cases they have no way of knowing unless it's pointed out to them. No need > to continually point out your view. > > > I'm beginning to wonder whether there might be > > some connection between this phenomenon and the > > defense here of strip clubs. > > Which would be? I don't conform to the expected pattern of female behavior, so I'm taken to task for it (not in those terms, obviously, but I think that may be what's behind it). If Barry were constantly tussling with a guy, with the same levels of "abuse" on both sides, do you think folks would tend to come down on the guy and leave Barry strictly alone? With strip clubs, I think a lot of you gents don't see anything wrong with them because they conform to expected patterns of female and male behavior. You see them within that context. That's why I made the point to Cliff that most folks wouldn't think of referring to a woman supported by a man in return for sex as a "deadbeat sponging on her boyfriend." That's the expected pattern in this society, so it's not usually criticized. But switch the genders, and all of a sudden the guy is a lazy louse and the woman an oppressed (even if consenting) victim. Same situation, but it doesn't fit established and expected gender behavior patterns. This isn't a matter of what I would call sexism per se, incidentally. It's deeply ingrained in the society, men and women both. It's a little like the "soft" racism of some liberals who have the very best of intentions. > > (And by the way, the verbal abuse I and others > > regularly get from Cliff makes it *exceptionally* > > curious that he would feel he's in a position to > > criticize *anybody* else.) > > Agreed. Probably no one is in a position to criticize others. We are > all mature adults (cough, cough) and profess to be spiritually and > compasionally oriented (cough, cough). So why not express such. If > you (the universal you, I am not focussing on one person) see a > weakness in a person, why rub it in? If you are motivated to do > something, instead of just accepting it (not an unwise course), > then why not try to help the person. I invite you to try that with Barry. He's quite likely (especially since I mentioned it) to graciously thank you for your helpful advice. But then watch what follows and see if the behavior changes any. Also possible, if he's feeling worse than usual about himself one day, that he'd find a way to put you down for trying to be helpful. But the only times he behaves authentically is when he's so furious that he's out of control. You've seen that a couple times here now, but it's been far worse at times over on alt.m.t. Hopefully in subtle, > supportive ways and not "its clear you are fucked up in this area, > and I, not being fuck up, and being rather superlative in most > areas, am here to publicly show my extensive compassion, so here is > what you should do." <snicker> That's Barry's line, just for the record. It sure isn't mine. (Yes, I know you said you weren't referring to anyone in particular, but as a case in point.) ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/JjtolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> To subscribe, send a message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Or go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ and click 'Join This Group!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
