I know I am posting this late.
Darling Nina, the decision to euthanize is a personal one, but I will
tell you my thoughts.
If Grace told you through the AC that she was okay with euthanasia, and if
you know that she is not going to get better, and she has asked to leave, then I
would euthanize.
I have hated each decision we have had to make regarding euthanasia.
If the 6 cats I've lost since 1996, all but 2 of them were euthanized because
that is what they wanted. I wanted them to stay with me forever, but I saw
the suffering that they were going through, and I started to feel selfish about
keeping them here.
Each time I have had to do this, I have been with my furkid. Each
passing was smooth, peaceful, and pain free. Each time is just as
emotionally painful for me and Dan as the time before, but we have never
regretted our decision. When they're that sick, I am of the opinion that
euthanasia is the last, final loving act that we can give them.
Only you can be the one to come to terms with what you are going to
do. Listen to Grace. She will let you know when (and if) she is
ready.
Great big hugs to you.
=^..^= Terri, Siggie the Tomato Vampire, Guinevere, Sammi, Travis, and 5
furangels: RuthieGirl, Samantha, Arielle, Gareth, Alec & Salome'
=^..^=
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 10:18
AM
Subject: Question about Euthanasia and my
Grace
My Beloved Group,
First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been
able to participate fully in the
group this last couple of weeks. I
love you all, but for the last
couple of days, I haven't even been able
bring myself to read the
posts. I'm physically and emotionally
exhausted by Grace and my last
efforts to bring her back to health.
Yesterday, I finally resigned
myself to thinking of our time together as
'death bed vigil'. Those of
you that know me, know that I pray all
your babies are safe and healthy,
and those that are losing, or have lost
the battle; my love is with
you. I don't know what I would have done
without the love and support
of this group. You have been a Godsend
to me and my sweet fur angels.
Yesterday morning Gracie "told" me she
does not want to stay. Among
other signs, I was syringe feeding her
and she refused to swallow. I'm
trying my best to make peace with
her decision. I know you understand.
She hasn't eaten on her
own for a long time now and she's skin and
bones. She spent a nice
peaceful day, and I did my best to just "be
with her". During
the afternoon she made it clear that she didn't want
to be sung to, or
touched. It's so hard on me to watch her pull away.
At one
point, she seemed a bit agitated so I ground up a tiny bit of
Valium and
gave it to her in water. She was so relaxed she even did a
stretch-semi roll out on the patio in the sun. She did something
that
startled me, and got my hopes up again. (I just can't stop
believing in
miracles). I was giving the dogs treats and she was
laying on the
couch. Well, we have this thing Grace and I.
Whenever the dogs get
treats she'd come bounding over the barrier and
expect one too. When
she saw me giving the dogs treats this
afternoon, she jumped off the
couch. I started to cry, because I
thought, there's no way she's going
to take a treat. I put one in
front of her anyway and you could have
knocked me over with a sigh.
It took her a minute to decide to eat it,
but she not only ate that one,
but 3 more. Then she ate 3 or 4 pieces
of kibble! My hopes
were short lived though.
I've been up with her most of the night.
She still doesn't want my
attention. She doesn't even want me to
look at her, it's breaking my
heart to say goodbye, and I guess it may be
making it harder for her to
go, although that is not my intention.
It's not like I don't want her
to leave her body, I do. I want her
suffering to be over. Yesterday,
when I knew it was time, I called
my Internist's office to see if Dr.
Ortega would be willing to help her
cross. Grace has always liked Dr.
Ortega, and I thought she would be
calmest with her. Well, my Internist
isn't going to be in the office
until Friday. It doesn't seem possible
that Grace will still be here
by then. My stance has always been, that
when I know it's the end,
when I know that the chance of a recovery
after treatment isn't possible,
then it's time to help them cross. Even
though Grace is peaceful,
(she just lays on her side and breathes
shallow, but relaxed breaths), I
have a hard time letting nature take
it's course. It's arrogant of
me, but I can't stand seeing her like
this. I'm also so worried
about her being in pain, when I look in her
eyes, she doesn't seem in
pain, but she doesn't seem like herself
either. I wouldn't mind
vacant, but it's almost like she's... not quite
angry, more like annoyed
to still be here.
Just to let you know... Over the past week or
so, I think I may have
mentioned it, we've been following an extensive
homeopathic regime with
the help of a practitioner named Darla
Palmer. While it didn't save
Grace, it did bring her back into her
body, and for brief glorious
moments, back to me. It was such a joy
to see the Grace I know and love
shining out of her eyes
again.
Anyway, here's my question: Can anyone tell me how
difficult it is to
put an animal to sleep in an emaciated condition?
Of course, I don't
want to make things harder on her, I want to ease her
suffering. What
if they can't find a vein, because they're so
small? I just want to
know what to expect. I'm thinking of
calling a house call vet to see if
he can come today, but I don't want
this to be harder on Grace. I'm
still struggling with the thought
that my underlying motives might be to
make things easier on me. I
just want to do what's right for Grace. My
judgement is clouded, my
mind and heart are clouded as well. I don't
even have the energy to
read this post over to see if it makes sense.
Thanks for always
caring,
Nina
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