My corrections were stylistic, not "meaningful difference". That's subjective, so you are free to disagree.
Hillel. On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:39 PM, Carl Symons <[email protected]> wrote: > This discussion seems have taken on the character of bikeshedding [1] > Unless there are major objections to the latest version or things that > are just plain wrong, please creative align on the statement. > > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:07 AM, Hillel Lubman <[email protected]> > wrote: > > Some thoughts on the introduction - I'd change a few things: > > > > 1. Presenting Linux for your mobile. => > > > > Presenting new kind of mobile Linux. > > No meaningful difference. If anything, the proposed grammatically > incorrect statement detracts from the statement. > > > > > 2. Feature rich. Free and open source. First of its kind. => > > > > First of its kind - feature rich, free and open source. > > No meaningful difference. This construction implies a different > meaning than the original--"First of its kind" and here's why. That's > not the flavor of the original. > > > > > > 3. it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to > > entertainment systems, from mobile devices to smart TVs. => > > > > it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to > > entertainment systems, to mobile devices and smart TVs. > > No meaningful difference. The first suggests possibilities, unlike the > second. > > > > > > 4. Nemo-power sounds awkward to me. Just write "power". > > Nemo-power is a neologism that conveys something different than > "power". Nemo-power _is_ awkward. It's a new word that people will > have to deal with for the first time. And it communicates something > that benefits the project. > > > > > > 5. "..." is not very good to use here. Better write "and etc." > > > Changes the meaning. et cetera means "and more things like this" or > the list is too long and well known to actually write it out. The way > it's used means something different--you fill in the blank, could be > anything > > > > > 6. Let's influence the future of mobile, together! => > > > > Let's influence the future of mobile computing, together! > > > > "mobile" sounds a bit blank. Mobile computing is more to the point. > > Okay. However NemoMobile is about more than computing. Its influence > is on mobile primarily, not on computing. > > Carl > > > > > > > Regards, > > > > Hillel. > > > > [1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law_of_triviality > > > > > > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:06 AM, quixote <[email protected]> wrote: > >> > >> Checked out the update on the pad. Looks very good! > >> > >> quixote. > >> > >> > > > > >
