We are not perfect linguists, we've done our best. It now can be read quite "flowingly", and is major confusion-/contradiction-free.
Solid starting point I'd say, and agree with Sivan - we'll adjust it as we see the reaction of majority of landers once its live. My first photo in another thread soon. Cheers, Simonas On 17 December 2012 18:44, Hillel Lubman <[email protected]> wrote: > My corrections were stylistic, not "meaningful difference". That's > subjective, so you are free to disagree. > > Hillel. > > > > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 1:39 PM, Carl Symons <[email protected]> wrote: > >> This discussion seems have taken on the character of bikeshedding [1] >> Unless there are major objections to the latest version or things that >> are just plain wrong, please creative align on the statement. >> >> On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:07 AM, Hillel Lubman <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> > Some thoughts on the introduction - I'd change a few things: >> > >> > 1. Presenting Linux for your mobile. => >> > >> > Presenting new kind of mobile Linux. >> >> No meaningful difference. If anything, the proposed grammatically >> incorrect statement detracts from the statement. >> >> > >> > 2. Feature rich. Free and open source. First of its kind. => >> > >> > First of its kind - feature rich, free and open source. >> >> No meaningful difference. This construction implies a different >> meaning than the original--"First of its kind" and here's why. That's >> not the flavor of the original. >> >> >> > >> > 3. it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks >> to >> > entertainment systems, from mobile devices to smart TVs. => >> > >> > it can power a wide range of devices: from interactive alarm clocks to >> > entertainment systems, to mobile devices and smart TVs. >> >> No meaningful difference. The first suggests possibilities, unlike the >> second. >> >> >> > >> > 4. Nemo-power sounds awkward to me. Just write "power". >> >> Nemo-power is a neologism that conveys something different than >> "power". Nemo-power _is_ awkward. It's a new word that people will >> have to deal with for the first time. And it communicates something >> that benefits the project. >> >> >> > >> > 5. "..." is not very good to use here. Better write "and etc." >> >> >> Changes the meaning. et cetera means "and more things like this" or >> the list is too long and well known to actually write it out. The way >> it's used means something different--you fill in the blank, could be >> anything >> >> > >> > 6. Let's influence the future of mobile, together! => >> > >> > Let's influence the future of mobile computing, together! >> > >> > "mobile" sounds a bit blank. Mobile computing is more to the point. >> >> Okay. However NemoMobile is about more than computing. Its influence >> is on mobile primarily, not on computing. >> >> Carl >> >> > >> > >> > Regards, >> > >> > Hillel. >> > >> >> [1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law_of_triviality >> >> >> > >> > On Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 9:06 AM, quixote <[email protected]> wrote: >> >> >> >> Checked out the update on the pad. Looks very good! >> >> >> >> quixote. >> >> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >
