Lon, Archy, I can confidently vouch for your proposition that we never
fully comprehend ourselves and for everyone else's points about self
image as well.  Molly, as usual you have come up with another
pertinent observation about the human condition and started one more
excellent discourse.

As a living example of the effects self-image can have on one's own
life as well as on the lives of those whom I interact, I am also of an
age where I can be more honest about myself then heretofore permitted,
and I have to say that I'm sorely disappointed with the entire dynamic
of self-image -- not with it's reality but rather with how it has
played itself out in my own particular instance.

Such dangerous tools should be kept out of the hands of those ill-
equipped to play with them.  The complete genesis of self image may be
mostly hidden but I'd be willing to bet a large sum a vast majority of
it has to do with family, particularly ones' parents and siblings.

Self image may in some ways rely on genetics but I believe the vast
majority of it is instilled in us during our single digit youth which,
like marriage -- for better or worse -- we carry forward into whatever
pathways we travel in life, trailing its detritus behind us.

Parts of our self image including how we feel about ourselves are
readily apparent in our external behavior, which makes us more
transparent to others than to ourselves until we reach that point of
development where we can begin to look at ourselves more honestly.  I
went through most of my life knowing something was terribly wrong but
lacked the ability to figure out what.  At least till I began to
indulge in therapy.

But even now, many years later, there are still deep aspects of my
self image which are hidden from me or which I refuse to see and
acknowledge.  Perhaps long term deep psychotherapy might uncover them
but that's an impractical approach for many reasons, not the least of
which is the fact that I've come to distrust most psychological
therapists.  It's a profession that seems to lay a deadly trap for
it's pratitioners.  I can imagine listening to the deepest and darkest
parts of others day after day after year after year takes its toll,
but on the other hand some of these people are fairly twisted
beforehand which likely led them into the profession of psychology.

But honestly determining your own self image is at least as daunting
as trying to overcome the psychologically habitual behavior that stems
from those deeply buried images.  On a personal level I know some of
the self image I learned as a child -- that I was worthless, no-good,
evil, and would never amount to anything -- and how much that image
played itself out over the course of my life.  It was extensive and is
still being played out.

Yet I also know there are parts of my self image to which I am not
privy.  They may be worse or they may be better than those I've
uncovered but the fact they are there disturbs me because it means I
do not have full control over my own psyche and life.  I am still
reacting to thoughts, ideas, images and beliefs that were instilled in
me by a dysfunctional family and of which to this day I know little to
nothing.

This early self image worked to prevent me from developing any
positive feelings about myself.  From as young as I can remember
through sixty eight years to today I still reverberate those early
images and add to them in my own prophetically self-fulfilling and
self-perpetuating behavior which is then reinforced further by the
reactions from others appropriate to my own self-image.

I long to know myself as I truly am but this still eludes me.  Perhaps
it is one of those things one learns at the end as one's life flashes
before one's eyes -- unfortunately a bit too late to do anything about
it.  Or perhaps not.  But one thing is certain -- to me at least -- as
parents each and every one of us have a critical responsibility to
ensure our children have a healthy image of themselves upon which to
build.  But as long as we remain dysfunctional within ourselves how
can we teach our children different?


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