I find that much anger is a first reaction to a negative action, whether self induced or externally sourced. We can make a wrong decision that results in a negative outcome which displeases us to the point of anger or someone else can do something to bring about the anger. Either way there is a point where the anger can be identified and controlled before it actually takes place. It is at this point that we can cancel the outward expression of the anger and accept the cause, while at the same time making mental note of it. This is when others notice and may state, "I thought you would blow your top about it, what happened". The anger was pre-diagnosed and canceled. It is very rare that someone will act out in anger when the anger has been pre-diagnosed, ie; "If he does that I'm going to get really mad". In this case the recipient of the negative action has identified, classified, and is dealing with the anger before it actually takes place. When the action actually takes place the recipient confirms it but no longer has to act out the anger because it was already subconsciously acted on and there is no longer need to react to it. This of course is confined to future anticipatory angers which are the easiest to deal with. Anger that involves past history is not easily disposed of because it was remains unresolved in the subconscious. These subconscious past history angers need to be processed. My personally means of process as I stated above involves the use of a camera film which becomes analogous with the life experience. I look at the batch of photos, put them in the shoe box and put it away on a shelf in the garage. Gone are the memories, gone are the angers. A first reaction may be anger but later it can be humorous. We must realize the fruitlessness of anger and it's detrimental consequence. Another method I use is the verbal repetition of the negative action. ie; Friend tells you "Bob took the keys to your car a smash it into a pole", at which time you sit down and repeat several times " Bob took the keys to my car and smashed it into a pole". Repeating this several times delays the reaction time and allows one to create a visual picture of the incident which then becomes part of the "processing". There is nothing you can do to change the picture, ranting, raving and chopping off your finger won't help, so that leaves continuing the process and letting the action complete it's cycle. Bob get's arrested, your car get's towed off, and the insurance company picks up the tab. Eliminating the anger makes for a better experience. It is not as easy as it sounds and requires practice with many levels and degrees of anger, however, starting off small can make a difference. Next time you burn something in the oven try laughing about it instead of blowing your top.
On Jan 8, 3:33 am, archytas <[email protected]> wrote: > I'm a bit inclined to think we should be angry with the way of the > world. This is a complex matter though, as one of the tricks of > establishments is about making us angry so that we make fools of > ourselves or at least can be made so in their traps. The time to do > what Molly points out directly above is often denied us. > > On 7 Jan, 18:13, Molly Brogan <[email protected]> > wrote: > > > Anger is hard to nail down because it is really a secondary emotion, > > often attached to insecurity, defensiveness, defiance, etc. It can be > > addictive too, as rage-aholics are all too common. Addictive, because > > it can be (paradoxically) a more comfortable and predictable emotion > > than say joy, that might require intimacy and sharing in relationship, > > behaviors that can be scary to someone feeling insecure or defiant. > > Anger creates distance between us and the world, and often moves from > > being a natural signal for us to examine a situation, to the reaction > > of choice because, after all, it is always effective in creating that > > distance. If we fancy ourselves a victim of villain (or even hero) > > anger is a useful weapon to create this drama. > > > Each of us is charged with examining our emotional make us and > > choosing our responses to the world. An important part of self image > > to be sure, and only we can do it. > > > On Jan 6, 8:57 pm, Slip Disc <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > Anger takes on many shades, gruff, and degrees of intensity as well. > > > In that respect I try to identify the anger, classify the anger and > > > then have a better chance of resolving it. Angers involving the past > > > are the easiest for me to deal with because I view life as being a > > > roll of film with every moment of life being a new frame. It is easily > > > perceived that I don't want to take pictures of the same subject > > > matter as that would simply be wasting film. Therefore the past > > > experience which used up a large portion of the film is no longer > > > viable as a new experience and should be archived. What others did in > > > the past that negatively affected my life no longer pertains to my > > > life since I had become that individual person that creates the > > > future. To think that if (A) didn't happen then I wouldn't be living > > > (B) is wasteful energy because no one really knows what is going to > > > happen in life. For some people when (A) did happen it ultimately > > > cost them their lives. Perhaps we, through certain events in life, > > > are saved from undergoing something worse than the present condition > > > that we perceive undesirable as a result of (A). Through this > > > reasoning I am able to simply dismiss the experience as just that, an > > > experience, one which I cannot change but can look at as having some > > > value. It is like the 1990 movie, Mr. Destiny, check it out if you > > > can. > > > Anger of course is a subject that requires more examination and I > > > don't mean to trivialize it in any way. I just want to at least > > > scratch the surface of how I view anger and how I deal with it, which > > > in a sense coincides with how I deal with many other things, through > > > logical reasoning. Anger serves no purpose in my life and > > > accomplishes nothing, so naturally I want to do away with it. > > > > On Jan 6, 10:34 am, gruff <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > "... On Jan 2, 9:04 am, Molly > > > > Brogan<[email protected]> wrote: ..." > > > > > and Slip Disc too ... > > > > > > Why worry about what others think, do, say? Why feel the need to > > > > > conform to trends, ideologies, etc.? If I think instead about my > > > > > relationship to them, (how do they serve my day to day life, when I am > > > > > in service to them am I feeling my highest potential, in what ways do > > > > > I benefit and contribute, what do they show me about myself, can I > > > > > feel the love?) I can let go of what is limited and unchangeable. I > > > > > think most of all, Gruff, about you, and how the world has let you > > > > > down. Your relationship to all that is so much more important than > > > > > anything that was said and done. You are MORE than any of that...and > > > > > there can be a relationship that includes forgiveness, compassion and > > > > > self determination. I truly believe that the state of mind we are in > > > > > when we leave this world is what carries us into what is next. If we > > > > > can find our way to self love, peace and harmony in our final > > > > > moment ... we may just find that the rest of what the world offered us > > > > > in this life falls away from our next experience. > > > > > Thank you Molly, but the world has not let me down. If anything I've > > > > let myself down. Actually I was really quite blase about my lot in > > > > life until I was in my mid-forties. I had just accepted what was and > > > > enjoyed life as much as possible. Basically I had gone through those > > > > first forty someodd years avoiding responsibility like it was the > > > > plague. It was how I dealt with life. When things got tough, I > > > > packed up and left for new places. I had no idea who or what I was > > > > or where I was going. Nor did it matter. I guess it was a case of > > > > coming from nothing so I had nothing to go to. The only thing that > > > > puzzled me was that I had learned over time that I was pretty > > > > intelligent. I couldn't figure out where it came from because I'd > > > > seen nothing but ignorance and stupidity in my immediate family. > > > > > But then I got on the Internet and ran my family name in AltaVista > > > > (are they even still around?) and found the lost half of my family -- > > > > my father's side -- the Tomchin clan. It immediately became clear > > > > where my intelligence and talent came from. The Tomchins were all > > > > successful business people, lawyers, artists, etc. A whole lot of > > > > things became clear to me and anomalous pieces fell into place. For > > > > instance, finding out after my father died that he could play > > > > classical piano. That was so freaking out of place to me given what > > > > I'd known about him, but the Internet cleared all that up. Talent and > > > > intelligence are genetic to the degree that is where I got mine. > > > > There was never any sign of either in my mother's family. They were > > > > clodhopping lowlife from all I can tell. > > > > > This discovery on the 'net was a turning point in my life. I finally > > > > understood a lot about myself ... at least a lot of the whys and > > > > wherefores. I began contacting various members of my father's family > > > > but was always rebuffed. Then I put the pieces together and concluded > > > > that I'd inherited my intelligence and assorted talents genetically > > > > but I couldn't discern what it was that made my father's family disown > > > > him -- or perhaps even back further than that to my paternal > > > > grandfather. Hell it could even go generations back. Jews hold > > > > grudges for a long time it seems. At least the Jews in my father's > > > > family did. I don't suppose I'll ever find out why my father was > > > > rejected and disowned but it's probably something simple -- that he > > > > married my mother even. > > > > > But the turn that I took was to become very angry .. not that the > > > > world had let me down but rather that my father's family were so > > > > brutal and unforgiving. They obviously knew talent and intelligence > > > > and knew how to nurture it so that it would blossom into > > > > accomplishment. That was denied me and I'm very angry about it and > > > > can't seem to get past the anger. > > > > > So it's anger I've got to deal with -- which is not anything that > > > > should evoke sorry and pity. I'd really like to get over it. I don't > > > > want to die angry. I don't think that's the best state of mind to be > > > > in for dying. As I've said many times in other posts: I'm fully > > > > convinced that one's state of mind at the moment of death is of > > > > penultimate importance and anger's not the right state. > > > > > So no sympathy or sorrow please. However, if anyone can enlighten me > > > > how to get rid of anger, I'm all ears. (Eyes actually since there's > > > > no sound here but the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard.) Thanks > > > > for all your input and consideration. I'm very comfortable here. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups ""Minds Eye"" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/Minds-Eye?hl=en -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
