Having suffered a whopping case of PTSD during my divorce, I do understand. Not at all like living through the baby's colic, because justification was not an issue. The baby came first, his comfort and care - not knowing what that entailed, really, at the level of the unseen, just knowing that there was more than meets the eye involved.
Suffering through the abuse of another is a warriors task. The opportunity to stand and come through the experience with integrity in tact. It is what it is. Life. On Wednesday, December 12, 2012 8:51:53 AM UTC-5, archytas wrote: > > Remarkable what extent even abuse such as persistent shouting can > deform minds Molly. Our dog is a beast of peace. I wouldn't ask > obedience from him beyond keeping him safe. We used to demand such > from women. I wonder how this was resisted to the point no reasonable > man should expect it? And how we might learn more resistance to other > social-cultural inequality and the poor state of universal suffrage? > > On Dec 12, 12:18 pm, Molly <[email protected]> wrote: > > My youngest had colic for more than six less than seven months, and I > > remember it well. He also came out full of energy and would run in > circles > > around a room for the longest time. I filled it full of balloons once > and > > he loved it, but was chastised by the doctor who was afraid he might > break > > one and inhale it. We do what we must to keep the joy in difficult > > experience. I can tell you that now my 25 year old youngest son is a > calm, > > wonderful, loving person who knows how to support the people he loves, > inequality > > having felt so in his younger years. > > > > Sounds to me like you have the stuff of a wonderful dad, Ash. Life gives > us > > experiences we cannot think our way through to teach us that the mind is > > not always necessary, and we are often the better for moving beyond it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > On Sunday, December 9, 2012 11:31:11 PM UTC-5, Ash wrote: > > > > > My last semester was rough, my older son is full of energy and mom had > > > to take a break. The first six months are pretty much blank, some > people > > > called it a "colic" but for the longest time I just remember holding > him > > > all night humming and rocking, up every two hours all night for a > bottle > > > or comforting, then 'have to be to work in an hour' and get up from > > > sitting position on the couch, set him in the carseat and throw on > > > something lacking the wet spot in the lap (every night). The mind goes > > > to a different place when enduring, but despite being very passive and > > > thinking way too much I'm hardheaded as hell so all I said was, "Give > it > > > time sweety, please don't make me choose, I'll do whatever it takes." > > > > > After a look at the therapy forum open on our other computer I decided > > > there were many things I just can't say. It's best to acknowledge my > > > failures with a measure of dignity. Perhaps I'm at an advantage having > > > no idea what it means to be a man. It has taken some time in study to > > > connect categorically with the species, and it has taken a bit more > than > > > science, sociology, and psychology has offered. > > > > > Rigsy I hope you don't take my glacial speed personally, there's way > too > > > much to sort out on this end. At least that is the safer 'stoic' > > > appearance to show. Which 'right reason'? From what I've seen it only > > > exists in territorial dominance (or hermetic orders :p ). Not sure > what > > > type of contribution to the study this is Archy, but here it is. > > > > > On 12/6/2012 11:58 AM, archytas wrote: > > > > One possible resolution is to change our ideas on childcare. I'm > not > > > > sure the focus has to be so much in the home. From the point of > view > > > > of women and men wanting to have kids and look after them the system > > > > has lots of roadblocks - not least childcare and the times it is > > > > available (and cost). The big snag with creating decent lifestyles > is > > > > one needs radical change and it's no use waiting for socialist > utopia > > > > or robot heaven - which would be chimera anyway. > > > > Most of my students with young kids found it hard to start lectures > at > > > > 9 a.m. or attend in the evening or the afternoon after 3 p.m. At > the > > > > same time we had staff in the same position very good at slotting > > > > their timetables between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. The provision of > > > > childcare was always 'under review' rather than a reality. The > > > > obvious answer is to get more flexibility and childcare in schools > > > > throughout the year. This is a non-starter in 'business reality'. > > > > > > On 6 Dec, 13:06, rigs<[email protected]> wrote: > > > >> Which leads to over-compensation and a new prejudice > often/sometimes. > > > >> My maternal history spanned biblicals but somehow I was able to be > > > >> mostly a stay-at-home mom which even the children were grateful for > > > >> and I hope to revive some of those skills with my grand-daughters > as > > > >> change is on the way. I have truly missed family this last dozen > > > >> years. But I do see the additional stress on young women trying to > > > >> juggle all those "hats"- I even felt jealous of men dashing off to > > > >> their office when I had toddlers plus business on my mind. > > > > > >> On Dec 6, 4:24 am, archytas<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>> My own feeling on the work side of equality is we have to do too > much > > > >>> of it and that there is, in fact, plenty of time in a 40 year work > > > >>> span for ten years off to deal with early child carrying and > nurture > > > >>> (or alternatives). We are trying to establish equality in an > already > > > >>> misunderstood and warped system. > > > > > >>> On 5 Dec, 00:39, rigs<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>>> Actually, where I am going to is economics and job creation since > > > >>>> women are now equal in western countries and have embraced > working > > > >>>> outside the home or must be a co-bread-winner due to the cost of > > > >>>> living. Plus all must compete with the machine and technology or > > > >>>> competitive foreign labor. There are dozens of side issues such > as > > > >>>> longer life spans, over-population, impact of financial and > > > government > > > >>>> mismanagement, etc.//I tend to view the two sexes as a > reader/failed > > > >>>> writer- as types through history and am not very sentimental > though > > > >>>> culture continues to send mixed messages even currently.//It's > lovely > > > >>>> that you had such a positive experience with your own family > despite > > > >>>> Tolstoy thinking happy families were all alike and possibly not > > > >>>> interesting to him as a writer. I think them fortunate although I > > > >>>> suppose there is a sense of quest and heroic attempts for those > less > > > >>>> blessed that warms the soul.//Frankly, the Duchess is reminding > me of > > > >>>> how ill I was with my first pregnancy with no tlc or hospital- > > > finally > > > >>>> my mother-in-law had to take charge. Also another thing- my kind > > > >>>> neighbor laughing he was glad he wasn't a woman after his > daughter-in > > > >>>> law's very difficult/dangerous labor (over 2 days) and delivery. > > > Don't > > > >>>> worry- I bit my tongue. > > > > > >>>> On Dec 4, 4:11 am, archytas<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>>>> My Mum and elder sister were pretty strong characters and it > never > > > >>>>> really crossed my mind to treat anyone with other than the > respect I > > > >>>>> felt for them. I see where you re coming from rigs. The > repression > > > >>>>> is ongoing in some minds and reality around the world. We are > just > > > >>>>> changing our gender bias in 'heir to the throne rankings' so > that > > > >>>>> female children get equal place. Quite why we haven't worked > out > > > the > > > >>>>> real issue has nothing to do with gender and everything to do > with > > > >>>>> throwing out the Royals I don't know. If the gender-free > > > inheritance > > > >>>>> rules had pertained 100 years before WW1 the British King in > 1914 > > > >>>>> would have been - er - Kaiser Wilhelm! > > > >>>>> There clearly are women's issues (men's, gays etc.) - and I > doubt > > > they > > > >>>>> can or should be exclusively derived 'within gender' or > sub-classes > > > - > > > >>>>> though this doesn't preclude groups talking the stuff through on > > > such > > > >>>>> a basis. I tend to think there has been progress, but I'm not > sure > > > >>>>> how this has come about, if it has. > > > > > >>>>> On 4 Dec, 04:01, rigs<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>>>>> Thanks.// I think your reaction can be traced back to the time > when > > > >>>>>> men were considered the main/only source of security so women > were > > > >>>>>> more likely to protect that; it really is more complicated, > > > however. > > > >>>>>> Earlier homesteading and farming offered a different balance- a > > > very > > > >>>>>> important role for the female that gave her a natural or > necessary > > > >>>>>> equality. But younger couples are working on a balance, as I > see > > > it.// > > > >>>>>> Was going to bring Hesiod into the mix as he set out a horrid > > > >>>>>> description of females in the "Theogeny" (IX, 507-616), written > in > > > 8 > > > >>>>>> B.C.. I vaguely remember the professor saying he probably was > an > > > ugly > > > >>>>>> farmer who was spurned by women so he took his revenge. But > given > > > the > > > >>>>>> date, it is close to the Eden story. Another work came to mind > > > written > > > >>>>>> in the 1950's that I have poked around- "America As A > Civilization" > > > by > > > >>>>>> Max Lerner- particularly Chapter VIII/Section 6- "The Ordeal of > the > > > >>>>>> American Woman" which captures some of what I was looking for > in > > > way > > > >>>>>> of explanation for my parent's generation. I think he captured > it- > > > for > > > >>>>>> a man. :-) > > > > > >>>>>> On Dec 3, 8:34 am, archytas<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>>>>>> Your new account is off moderation rigsy. I've always been > struck > > > >>>>>>> that women talking and acting for themselves are not reflected > in > > > the > > > >>>>>>> literature and that some of the characters most dangerous to > equal > > > >>>>>>> opportunity are female. > > > > > >>>>>>> On 2 Dec, 06:27, rigs<[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > >>>>>>>> On Saturday, December 1, 2012 10:30:37 AM UTC-6, archytas > wrote: > > > >>>>>>>>> The Body Class and Work Disability Discrimination Equality > of > > > Opportunity Identity Politics Multiculturalism Objectification > Parenthood > > > and Procreation Power Race Rape Reproduction and the Family Science > The > > > Self Sex and Gender Sex Markets Trans Issues These are just some of > the > > > topics I thought I could put forward in teaching gender issues in > > > management. They underlie the bland politically correct policy > matters. One > > > thing has always occurred to me as missing in every debate I can > remember. > > > Women are as bad as men as managers. I equate equality with > hospitality > > > (always two-sided at least) and suspect we don't realise behaviour is > much > > > less to do with gender or the individual than we think and perhaps has > > > little to do with rationality. I don't think we see the wood for the > trees > > > on gender. > > > > > >>>>>>>> How unlike anything EVER mentioned to me as a girl or young > > > woman. I suppose we depended on family tradition, religion and > etiquette as > > > we were groomed for marriage via mystery, motherhood and homemaking. > > > Groomed, indeed!- Hide quoted text - > > > > > >>>>>>> - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - > > > > > >>>>> - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text - > > > > > >>> - Show quoted text - > --
