I totally agree with you that paras (I am one T-4) have it much easier than you do. This applies to relationships and life in general. I often think of my brother (who is a quad c-6) and wonder how the hell he manages on his own, but he is a low level quad. He lives alone and has no assistance whatsoever. He also has women galore!!! at least that's what he says ;-). He goes out to bars all of the time (not my choice for meeting someone but he and I are very different), he uses a manual chair and a power chair.
What I'm acutely aware of is how I compare myself to others with disabilities similar to mine. The more I compare myself, the worse I feel about myself. When I read stories about "supercrips" in magazines (New Mobility had many this issue) I put myself and my abilities down, thinking I am less than because I haven't done what others have done. Every day is a triumph Dillon, every obstacle we face is an emotional cliffhanger. Will we let this one break us, or will we find a way around it and complete the task at hand? After many breaks and many triumphs, we are simply average people living an average life, trying our best to make a difficult situation better. I'm not here to set a record, or work a 15 hour day. My goal is not to eliminate the unhappiness in my life but to embrace the obstacles as much as the triumphs, for they are the same. The lesson is the same. When I put my faith in how others see me, rather than how I see myself, then we both lose. They don't see the real person and I am not myself. You may not see others "get the girl" that sucks, and I truly feel that once you allow yourself to acknowledge that it sucks without putting yourself down, you won't feel so defeated.
consider this:
"quads never get the girl that sucks, I feel like crap and I can't do crap, no one will ever love me"
VS
"quads never get the girl that sucks, so frigging what, been there felt that"
Which is more attractive ?
So what if your theory is right? will you let yourself be defeated by a theory? or will YOU defeat yourself?
peaceandlovingkindness,
River
www.hodohio.com
On Feb 7, 2005, at 8:58 PM, dillon awe wrote:
I have a theory about sexuality and spinal cord injuries.� I believe that the lower the injury level or higher the function is for SCI individuals the more attractive women or men� will be to that person.� Though I hold no grudge against paraplegics or low level quadriplegics, I think it is so much easier to introduce yourself to women and break the ice as well as develop a relationship when that person is not confronted with a bulky electric chair etc..� I might be wrong and I hope I am but does it not just seems paraplegics have it so much easier.� Not only from personal observation but in advice columns I read, magazines and even on the covers of disability magazines, all I see or read about his couples who are paraplegics or low level quadriplegics/higher functioning.
I never read about quadriplegics with very little function either through their neck or upper arms getting the girl.
�
What do you think?� Please prove me wrong
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Dillon
