I have been married since 1990, have two kids, and retired last year after 31 years of teaching high school English. I am c5 from a diving accident in 1971 at age 19. Until about 6 or 7 years ago my sex drive was relatively normal (for a quad). Since then it seems like my libido has just died. I mean desire, virility, ability -- the whole package has just gone down the drain. Needless to say it is very depressing and has just been a disaster for my beloved wife. She is more my nurse than my wife. I don't know if it is my medicine, my age,my decreasing vitality, or my mental state. I love my wife dearly, and the whole situation has just about thrown me down a black hole. Anyone else had this experience?
Date: Thu, 24 Nov 2011 16:57:59 -0500 To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Intimacy great story Dave! I wish I had one like it but alas no such luck. The closest I ever came to a relationship was the occasional hand job and a few girls that were not ashamed to show their naked bodies. From talking to my quad friends, that's about all we ever got. To me this is very sad but we were never in the right place at the right time. I once hired a stripper and I was amazed at her comfort level with me. Strangely, I was not aroused by her performance but rather had an admiration of her genuine sincerity. The fact that she was so comfortable being alone with me gave me a feeling of being -- finally -- an adult. An adult male something I really didn't have until that point. After she left, I felt liberated. I know it might sound strange but from that point on I had a great deal more confidence and self assurance.Maybe someday before I die I will have an experience akin to yours Dave. At 01:26 PM 11/24/2011, [email protected] said something that elicited my response: I was injured at 19 - c3 incomplete, and have nearly normal touch sensations - hot and cold not so much. I was in a rehab ward with 6 other sci's all under 21 - 1 of whom had a sister in nursing school who would visit often. we told her to bring 6 friends next time and she did. they made our 6 month rehab much more bearable. Also..... my p.t. was a 28 year old female who was very nice to all of us guys. 1 time she took me and 1 other (para) and his date to the drive in. Afterwards, she suggested we all spend the night at her trailer. Rick took the couch and she dragged me down the hall and into her bed. (I was much lighter then.) We spent the night determining just what worked and how well it did. by morning she said, "I'm taking you back - you're killing me." it was wonderful to know all was not 'broken'. Since then - 1967 - I got married to a h.s. sweetheart, had 3 kids the old fashioned way, taught school, and had a 25 year career with Honeywell as a programmer. now my job is in India and I fool around on the PC all day trying to remember which happy hour is on which day, and getting a bigger quad belly every year. I wish everyone here a very blessed Thanks Giving and happy holidays with good friends and family. ============================= What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. George Dennison Prentice Daveoconnell.com ============================================= In a message dated 11/21/2011 1:28:38 P.M. US Mountain Standard Time, [email protected] writes: I raised the sex question because when we discussed turning and positioning in bed the thought occurred to me that everyone does things differently, and we can learn so much from each other. I assume the same holds true for intimacy, and I know we're always open to information and suggestions. :) My interest in the subject is part personal curiousity and part professional interest as I do quite a bit of mentoring in my job. I have a million questions, but the first, and most basic, are: how has SCI affected your intimate relationships? Do you have a sex life? Do you [and your partner] find it fulfilling? How does your current lovelife compare with before your injury? [Keep in mind that your replies may be searchable through Google in the future, so don't write anything you'd be embarrassed to have searched.] I will answer my own questions to get the ball rolling: I was injured at age 18 and had not been sexually active before my injury. I realized quickly after my injury [c5-6 complete] that I could get a physiogenic erection [from touch] but not a psychogenic erection [from thought.] I had very reduced sensation in that area but the sensation I have is very nice. It took me many years post-injury to trust someone enough to get to the point of intimacy, but during college one of my female caregivers slipped into bed with me one night, removed my catheter and changed my life. I never guessed that with my reduced sensation I could climax, but I did. Not only that, but even with her doing all the 'work' I found that I could please my partner. From that moment on I felt I had regained a certain manliness that I thought was gone forever. I can't compare sex before and after SCI, but over the years I can say I've had very fulfilling intimate relationships. Don. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger. - Franklin Jones
