[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (15/02/2018)
IT HAS…….. A lady (Paskelin) was slowly recovering from a heart attack. She pleaded with her cardiologist (Dr. Falcao):- Paskelin: Doctor, you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to be there for my grand-son's First Holy Communion. Dr. Falcao: (compassionately) We'll try, keep faith on God. Sometime later Paskelin again spoke to her Doctor: Paskelin: My grand-daughter is to be married in 15 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding. Dr. Falcao: We'll do our best. Paskelin happily attended her grand-daughter's wedding. Seven years passed. Paskelin visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions. One morning she called Dr. Falcao: Paskelin: Doctor, I am feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you. Remember how you saw me through to my grand-son's First Holy Communion Celebration?. Dr. Falcao: Yes. Paskelin: And later how you helped me to attend my grand-daughter's wedding? Dr. Falcao: Yes. Paskelin: Well, as you know I have just celebrated my 85th birthday and my son-in-law gifted me a new mattress. Dr. Falcao: I see. Paskelin: It has 20 years guarantee... Dr. Falcao: ??? Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (08/02/2018)
WITH HOT…… A well-known personality (Mr. Rapoz) was very good in his speeches, for which he was called the ‘Best Orator’. He used to grace many functions with his witty speeches. In one of the function while he was giving a speech:- Mr. Rapoz: Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife. All gathered people were in shock and silence. Mr. Rapoz: (added) She was my mother. A big round of applauds and laughter. One fine evening the very daring husband (Mr. Rapoz) tried to crack this at home. His wife (Beatriz) was busy preparing the dinner, Mr. Rapoz said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: Mr. Rapoz: Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife.Mr. Rapoz took a moment, trying to recall the second line……. By the time Mr. Rapoz gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed. He called upon a Nurse who was in that ward: Mr. Rapoz: Sister, what happened to me and where am I? Nurse: Mr. Rapoz, please take rest and don’t move, you are in the hospital and recovering from burns. Mr. Rapoz: (with surprise) Burns? Nurse: We have a report here, that last night somebody banged your head with a frying pan with hot cooking oil in it!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (09/11/2017)
WHERE TO…… Two thick friends (Fostu and Gustu) decided to rent a boat on a lake for fishing.After fishing for almost 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all, they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits. Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught plenty of fish within twenty minutes:- Fostu: (with excitement) Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come for fishing. Gustu: Good idea. Gustu took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boatto mark the spot.Seeing this, Fostu shouted: Fostu: You idiot, don’t you have brain? Gustu: Why? What happened? Fostu: Now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................... ITS WEEKEND (02/11/2017)
NO ONE…… Baltu goes to a veterinary doctor (Dr. Fernando) and says:- Baltu: Doctor, I have specially come to you, so that I can get myself fully checked. Dr. Fernando: I think you should go to the doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board. Baltu: No doctor, I have come to you only. Dr. Fernando: But gentleman, I am a veterinary doctor, I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings. Baltu: I know very well and that is why I have come to you only. Dr. Fernando: I cannot, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me, which means you are a human being and not an animal. Baltu: I know I am a human, but please listen to my complains first. Dr. Fernando: Ok. Tell me. Baltu: I sleep like a DOG thinking about my work load whole night,I get up in the morning like a HORSE,I go to work running like a DEER,I work all the day like a DONKEY,I wag my tail in front of my BOSS,I hardly have time to my FAMILY,I have to write the speeches for my boss for different occasions and if he doesn’t get applauds, I am blamed for. Dr. Fernando: Wait a minute; are you working for any politician? Baltu: Yes doctor, I am PA of our … Minister of Goa. Dr. Fernando: Instead of telling this long story, you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are a PA to an Indian Minister. Come on man, come in, no one can treat you better than me. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (26/10/2017)
ALL OVER….. A man (JackRuzar) walks into a bar. And as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except JackRuzar and the Bartender. JackRuzar walks up to the counter and says to the Bartender:- JackRuzar: I bet you Rs:10,000/= that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass. The Bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his Rs:10,000/=, so he agrees. The Bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. JackRuzar sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the Bartender looks at him and says: Bartender: (With wide smile) Well, I guess you owe me 10 thousand rupees, huh? JackRuzar: (Laughing) Hahahahahaha… Bartender: (With anger) Why you are laughing, I tell you, deal is the deal. JackRuzar: Ok….. ok!!! But you don’t know.. Bartender: What? JackRuzar: I had bet all of those 63 people outside the window Rs:1000 each, that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar. Hahahahahaha… Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (19/10/2017)
IT’S A…… It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten Teacher (Teacher Kunda) was receiving gifts from her pupils.First, the florist's son (Dhipu) handed her a gift. She shook it and said: Teacher Kunda: I bet I know what it is, it’s "Flowers". Dhipu: (with surprise) That's right! But, how did you know Teacher? Teacher Kunda: Oh, just a wild guess. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter (Chinky). The Teacher held her gift shook it and said: Teacher Kunda: I bet I can guess what it is. A box of "Sweets". Chinky: That's right, but Teacher, how did you know? Teacher Kunda: Oh, just a wild guess. The next gift was from (Petu) the son of the Liquor Storeowner. Teacher Kunda held the package, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue: Teacher Kunda: Is it "Wine?" Petu: (Replied with smile) No!. Teacher Kunda repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage: Teacher Kunda: Is it "Champagne?" Petu: (Replied, with excitement) No!!. Teacher Kunda: Than sure it must be "Cashew Ur’rak!" Petu: (Replied, with more excitement) No Teacher, No!!! Teacher Kunda took one more big taste before declaring: Teacher Kunda: Ok, I give up, what is it? Petu: (Replied with great glee) "IT’S A PUPPY!" Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................... IT'S WEEKEND (12/10/2017)
HAVE BEEN….. A woman (Adelin) awoke during the night to findthat her husband (Martin) was not on the bed. She goesdownstairs looking for him. Martin was sitting at the kitchen table with a peg ofCashew Feni in front of him.Martin appeared to be in deep thought,just staring at the wall. Adelin saw tears rolling from Martin’s eyes as he sipped his Feni:- Adelin: What's the matter with you my dear? I know you take drinks beforedinner. But now It's 2 a.m., I have never seen you drinking like this, Why? Whathappened? Martin: Do you remember, twenty years ago when we were dating and youwere only 18? Adelin: Yes, I do! Martin: Do you remember, when your father caught us while dating? Adelin: Yes, I do remember! Martin: Do you remember, when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said,"Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?" Adelin: (with tears in her eyes) Yes my love, of course I do! Martin wiped another tear from hischeek and said: Martin: You know... I would have been happily released today. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................. IT'S WEEKEND (28/09/2017)
I AM….. Bostiao decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the Trucking Company responsible for the accident to court. In court , the Trucking Company's lawyer (Adv. Naran) was questioning Bostiao:- Adv. Naran: Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I am fine’? Bostiao: (responded) Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my Horse (Django) into the... Adv. Naran: (interrupted) I did not ask for any details, just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I am fine!'. Bostiao: Well, I had just got Django into my half-lorry and I was driving to... Adv. Naran: (interrupted again) Me Lord, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man (Bostiao) told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Bostiao’s answer and said to Adv. Naran. Judge: I would like to hear what Bostiao has to say. Bostiao thanked the Judge and proceeded: Bostiao: Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Django into my half-lorry and was driving towards my farmhouse, when this huge loaded truck ran the stop sign and smacked my half-lorry right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Django was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and cannot move. However, I could hear Django moaning and groaning. I knew he was in terrible pains. Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene. He could hear Django moaning and groaning, so he went over to him. He took out his gun and shot him between the eyes. Then the Policeman with his gun in his hand came to me and said:Policeman: Your horse was in such bad shape, I had to shoot him. How are you feeling? Bostiao: At that moment although I was in unbearable pain, but if I had to tell that the Policeman, he would have killed me too. So that’s why I said “I AM FINE”. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMIELE............................................ IT'S WEEKEND (14/09/2017)
IT WAS. A middle aged couple Jakru and Natolin were enjoying their meal at ANUSKA Bar-n-Restaurant at Margao-Goa:- Natolin: Do you know honey, why I insist you to take me to this place at least once a month? Jakru : No…. not really honey! Natolin: It’s because with the delicious food and I like the light music with oldies they play over here, which make me to recollect our good old days. Jakru : Yeah, that's right and moreover it’s calm and quite over here. Suddenly one the four Drunk Men sitting bit closer to Jakru and Natolin stands and yells: Drunk Man: Attention please….. Attention all… (FARTS loudly). Natolin was extremely embarrassed, and Jakru looks at the Drunk Man and says: Jakru : Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife. Drunk Man: I am sorry, I didn’t know it was her turn. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (07/09/2017)
YOU ARE…... A woman (Rozmari) accompanied her husband (Bostiao) to the hospital. After his checkup, Dr. Pereira called Rozmari into his office alone:- Dr. Pereira: Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, if you don’t do the following, I am afraid your husband will surely die. Rozmari: What you want me to do doctor? Dr. Pereira: Each morning fix him a healthy BREAKFAST, for LUNCH make him a fresh nutritious meal. For DINNER prepare an especial fresh and delicious meal for him. Be pleasant and make sure he is in good mood always. Rozmari: Okay doctor, I’ll do that. Dr. Pereira: And remember, please don’t burden him with your chores, don’t discuss your problems with him. Encourage him to watch some comedy shows or sport events on television. Rozmari was staring at Dr. Pereira … Dr. Pereira: If you do this for next 6 months, I am sure your husband will regain his health. Rozmari: Thank you very much doctor. Rozmari leaves doctor’s office. On their way home: Bostiao: Honey, what did the doctor say? Rozmari: I am afraid, but I have to tell you this. Bostiao: What? Rozmari: You are going to die soon. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S SPECIAL WEEKEND (30/08/2017)
GOD GIVES. A boy (Petu) went to a grocery shop with his mother (Jebelin). The shop keeper (Ganesham) knew them very well as they are his regular customers, Ganesham looked at the small cute Petu and showed him a jar with full of sweets:- Ganesham: Petu dear, you can take the sweets for you from that jar. But Petu didn't take. Ganesham was surprised, such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the jar. Ganesham: (Said again) Petu boy, you don’t have to be shy to take sweets from that jar. Now the mother (Jebelin) also heard that: Jebelin: Take the sweets son. Yet Petu didn't take. Ganesham seeing Petu not taking the sweets. He himself took the sweets and gave to Petu. Petu was very happy to get two hands full of sweets. While returning home Jebelin asked Petu: Jebelin: Petu, why didn't you take the sweets, when the shop owner told you to take? Petu: Mom, When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations! Jebelin: What? What you mean to say?? Petu: (Replies with broad smile)... Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few. But now you see when Ganesham uncle gave with his big hands, how many more sweets I got ! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (24/08/2017)
GOES TO... A man (LuisPidade) dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German Hell and asks:- LuisPidade: What do they do here? German: First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. LuisPidade didn’t like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the American Hell as well as the Russian Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German Hell. Then LuisPidade goes to the Indian Hell and amazed to see there a very long line of people waiting to get in: LuisPidade: What do they do here? Indian: First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. LuisPidade: But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why here so many people waiting to get in? Indian: Because in our Indian Hell maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is former Indian Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................ IT'S WEEKEND (17/08/2017)
SMILE. IT'S WEEKEND (17/08/2017) RIGHT ON. A man (Bosteao) feared his wife (Rozalin) wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, Bosteao goes to his family Doctor (Dr. Roldao) to discuss the problem:- Dr. Roldao: There is a simple informal test that you could perform to give me a better idea about you wife’s hearing loss. Here is what you do, stand about 40 feet away from your wife and in normal conversational speaking tone and see if she hears you. If not go to 30 feet, then 20 feet and so on until you get a response. That evening Rozalin was in the kitchen cooking dinner and Bosteao was in the den: Bosteao (says to himself) I am about 40 feet away now, let’s see what happens. Bosteao: (in normal tone) Honey, what’s for dinner? No response. Bosteao moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats: Bosteao: Honey, what’s for dinner? Still No response. Bosteao moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from Rozalin and asks: Bosteao: Honey, what’s for dinner? Again he gets No response. Bosteao walks up to the kitchen, about 10 feet away from his wife.Bosteao: Honey, what’s for dinner? And yet again there is no response. So Bosteao walks right behind her: Bosteao: Honey, what’s for dinner? Rozalin: Listen Bosteao, for the fifth time I have said PORK VINDALO. And if you repeat that questioned one more time, then I’ll bang this pan right on your head. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] AIZ
AIZ. Aiz Agost-achi 15 tarikh, Zaite Goenkar eka-mekhak khoxecho svtontr dis anvddetat. Pun mhozo prosn Ami Goenkar khorench svontr zaleat? Vo Kaillintle usllon uzeanth poddleat? Goenkar-a. tuzo zabab kitem? Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................... IT'S WEEKEND (10/08/2017)
COULD HAVE…… Premnath & Rajnath were business partners, they both had Sardarjis as their personnel drivers. One fine day, they were having an friendly argument about whose driver is more stupid and fool. So Premnath called his driver:- Premnath: Oye Utpal Singh. Utpal Singh: Ji Sir-ji. Premnath: Take this 100 rupees, go to the Showroom and buy a Mercedes Benz car for me. Utpal Singh: Ok-ji, I will go right now. Premnath: See how stupid-fool he is, he went to buy a Mercedes for only Rs.100/=. Rajnath: But still I say my driver is more stupid-fool. Rajnath called his driver Jaspal Singh: Rajnath: Jaspal Singh, Go home and check if I am there. Jaspal Singh: Ok sure-ji, I will check and come. Rajnath: See my driver is more stupid-fool. He can't even realize that how can I be at home, if I am here. Utpal Singh and Jaspal Singh met on their way: Utpal Singh: My boss is so stupid, he gave me Rs.100/= to buy a Mercedes car, he does not even know that today is Sunday and all showrooms are closed. Jaspal Singh : My boss is even more stupid, He sent me to check if he is at home, but he has a cell phone, he could have called home and check if he is there. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (03/08/2017)
WANT TO…… It’s most women’s nature that they are suspicious of their husbands. It’s said that even the first female (Eve) in this world, became suspicious of her husband (Adam):- Eve: I know that you are running around with other women. Adam : What are you talking? Eve: I am sure that you have another woman in your life. Adam : You are being unreasonable. Eve: Don’t you lie to me. Adam : Are you out of your mind? Eve: Yes, you made me that. Adam : Why don’t you realize that you are the only woman on earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve….. Adam : (Demanded) What do you think you are doing? Eve: Counting your ribs. Adam : Ribs? Why?? Eve: As I know God created me from one of your rib, I want to make sure, how many more ribs are missing. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................. IT'S WEEKEND (27/07/2017)
THIS TIME….. Josefin treats her husband (Jeffery) by taking him to a Dance-N-Dine Club for his Birthday. At the entrance of the club:- Door-Man: Hi Jeff, how are you? Jeffery: I am good. Josefin: How does he know you? Jeffery: Oh dear, he plays football for our United Friends Club. Inside at the Bar counter: Bar-Man: Good evening, (serves drink) your usual brand Jeff? Josefin gives an angry look to Jeffery: Jeffery: Honey… before you say anything, listen to me please, this Bar-Man does part-time over here, actually he is our office-boy. Music starts and a beautiful and charming Bar-Dancer comes to Jeffery and says: Bar-Dancer: Hi Jeff darling! Come on join me! Josefin could not tolerate it anymore, she storms out dragging Jeffery with her and jumps into a Taxi. Taxi-Driver: Hey Jeff-boy, You picked up an ugly one this time. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................... IT'S WEEKEND (20/07/2017)
GO TO…… A sinless woman (Alzira) dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven. She meets St. Peter:- Alzira: St. Peter, How do I get in? St. Peter: You have to spell a word. Alzira: Which word St. Peter? St. Peter: "Faith" Alzira: F…a…i…t…h... “FAITH”. St. Peter: Welcome in the Heaven. About a year later, St. Peter comes to Alzira and says: St. Peter: I have an emergency visit to make, so can you please be at the Gates of Heaven for about an hour? Alzira: Oh sure St. Peter. While Alzira was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband (Asterio) arrived: Alzira: I am surprised to see you, How have you been? Asterio: Oh, I have been doing pretty well since you died. I married the beautiful young nurse (Frenny) who took care of you while you were sick. And then I won the Goa-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We reached in Canada, we went to visit the Niagara Fall, accidentally I fell and hit my head and here I am. Now how do I get in heaven? Alzira: Well, to get in heaven, you have to spell a word, and if you are unable to spell, then you have to go to the hell. Do you agree? Asterio: Yes I do. Which word? Alzira: “Thiruvananthapuram” Asterio: T….i…r……v…..u, Oh No… I cannot spell it. Alzira: Then, Go To Hell. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................ IT'S WEEKEND (13/07/2017)
WAS TOLD…… An English Man went next door to welcome his new Asian Man neighbor. He was shocked to see that Asian Man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad:- English Man: (Thought to himself) Must be an Asian custom. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, English Man went home. The next day, English Man goes again to welcome the Asian Man. When he looked through his window, he saw the Asian Man urinate into a cup and drink it: English Man: (Again thought to himself) Must be an Indian custom. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, English Man came back. The third day, English Man was determined he had to welcome the Asian Man. At his gate, he saw the Asian Man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt. He became angry and went up to Asian Man: English Man: (Yelled in the Asian Man’s face) I am sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome in our country, but I cannot stand your crazy Asian customs. Asian Man: (Confused and answered) Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually your English customs. I was told, to be an English, you have to chase chicks, get piss-drunk, and listen to bullshit. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................... IT'S WEEKEND (06/07/2017)
ABOUT THE A husband (Gustu) and wife (Perpet) had four Sons. The odd part of it was thatthe older three had dark-brown hair, light-fair skin and were tall. While the youngestSon had black hair, dark skin and was short. Gustu eventually took ill and waslying on his deathbed. He turned to his wife and said:- Gustu: Honey. Perpet: Yes Darling. Gustu: As you know that I don’t have much time to live into this world.There is only one thing I want to ask you. Perpet: Yes, go ahead. Gustu: Be totally honest with me and tell me the truth. Is our youngest Son my child? Perpet: (Replied calmly) I swear on everything that’s holy. Yes he is your Son. With that the husband (Gustu) had a deep sigh and passed awaypeacefully. The wife (Perpet) then muttered: Perpet: Thank God, he didn’t ask about the other three. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................... IT'S WEEKEND (29/06/2017)
BUT WHO... A distraught wife (Natolin) went to the local Police Station, along with her next-doorneighbor (Apolin) to report that her husband was missing. Police Officer (Atmaram) asked Natolin for a description of the missing man. Natolin: He is 35 yearsold, height 6.4 inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build,weighs 79 Kgs, is soft-spoken and is good to the children. Atmaram: Ok Madam,hopefully I’ll get back to you soon. While returning back home from Police station: Apolin: Why did you lie tothe Police Officer? Natolin: What do you mean? Apolin: Your husband isover 100 kgs. His height is about 5.1 inches, he is chubby, bald, has a bigmouth and is mean to your children. Natolin: Yes, that'sright, but who wants that drunkard back? Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (22/06/2017)
TIME TO……. Pedru wascaught for robbing a Bank in Goa and put behind the bars in Aguad Jail. One day he receives a letter in the jail from hiswife Libru: My Dear Husband Pedru, Since you are nothere at home with me, I feel bored, I want to do some work to keep mebusy, I have decided to plant some vegetable in the backyard, please write mewhen is the best time to plant them. Your Wife Libru. The prisoner (Pedru), knowing that the prison guardsread all mails, replied his wife in a letter: Dear Wife Libru, Nice to knowthat you want to do something, but whatever you do, please don’t touch the backyard.That is where I hid all the money which I robbed from the Bank of Karwarlast year. Your Husband Pedru. A week later, Pedru received another letterfrom his wife: Dear Pedru, You wouldn’t believewhat happened, some men came with shovels to the house and dug up all the backyard. Write me. nowwhat. Yours Libru. Pedru wroteanother letter back: Loving Libru, Now is the best timeto plant the vegetable in the backyard. Your cunninghusband, Pedru. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (15/06/2017)
YOU ARE……. A woman (Chermelin) enters into a jewelry shop, shewas overwhelmed to see the varieties of glittering jewelry in there, she fartedwhile bending over looking at a beautiful sparkling diamond ring. She looks aroundembarrassed and saw the Salesman standing right behind her:- Salesman: (Professionally said) Good morning madam. Chermelin: (Hoping the Salesman hadn’t heard her farting) Good…..Good morning. Salesman: May I help you? Chermelin: Oh yes, what’s the price for this lovely ring? Salesman: Madam, if you fart just looking at it, you are going to shit whenI tell you the price. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................... IT'S WEEKEND (08/06/2017)
I NEED….. A wealthy man (Khalif) from a royal family of Jordan was touring in India. He falls in love with a Guajarati girl and decides to meet her father (Mehtu). Khalif: Your daughter is beautiful and I love her. If you let me marry her, I will give you pure gold equal to her weight. Mehtu keeps quiet and without blinking his eyes stares to Khalif. Khalif: What happened? Are you angry on me? Mehta: No. Khalif: So? Mehta: I need time. Khalif: Time for what? To think?? Mehta: No…No. Khalif: Then? Mehtu: To increase my daughter’s weight. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (01/06/2017)
WHAT’S YOUR……. A Boy(in his late twenties) usedto always go to a hillock next to his house and pray to God.He had high hope that sooner or later God will answer hisprayer. As usual, one fine evening he goes to the hillock,closes his eyes and start praying loudly by raising his hands:- Boy: OhGod,please have mercy on me and…... To his good luck an image of God appears: Boy: (with excitement)Oh… God?Is that you?? God:Yes, it’s me! Boy:Thank you Godfor hearing me. God:Tell me, what do you want? Boy: Avery nice and beautiful girl to marry. God:If you are a Muslim, I will give you Katrina Kaif, If you are a Hindu, I will giveyou Alia Bhatt, and if you are Christian, I willgive you Jacqueline Fernandez. Boy:Oh really? God:Now, tell me, what is your name? Boy:Abdul Narayan D’Souza. Cajetan deSanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................... IT'S WEEKEND (25/05/2017)
THAT’S BECAUSE. A little girl (Chinky)was in the garden filling in a hole. Her neighbor lady (Pidu) peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced Chinky was up to, Pidu politely asked:- Pidu: What are you doingthere Chinky baby? Chinky: (Replied tearfully without looking up) My goldfish diedand I have just buried him. The neighbor Pidu was very concerned: Pidu: That’s an awfullybig hole for a goldfish, isn’t it? Chinky patted down the last heap of dirt then replied: Chinky: That’s because mygoldfish is inside in the stomach of your rowdy cat. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................ IT'S WEEKEND (11/05/2017)
HE IS... There was the hot news that a man (JakOton) is celebrating his 100th birthday, the media was eager to know how he maintained himself to complete the century:- Prudent Reporter: Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life? JakOton: Well, I want this should spread all over, so please telecast this repeatedly on your channel:-I don’t smoke, I never intake any alcohol, I avoid fatty foods and exercise regularly. Suddenly a huge sound came from the backside of his house: Prudent Reporter: Sir, what’s that noise? Is somebody stays behind your house? JakOton: Oh yes, I am really fed-up of him. He smokes at least 3 packs of cigarettes per day, he drinks one cartoon of whiskey a week, always eat fast food, fatty food and never exercise. Prudent Reporter: That’s ridiculous. Who is he? JakOton: He is my father!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................... IT'S WEEKEND (04/05/2017)
COME WITH. A pretty woman (Pacienca) in her mid-sixties, boarded in a local flight. She saw the passenger next to her was in ordinary clothes and not so good looking black man. Pacienca was furious and called the Air Hostess:- Air Hostess: Yes Ma’am? Pacienca: Can’t you see? I was given a seat next to an ordinary black man? Air Hostess: I am sorry Ma’am, for us all the passengers are same. Does he troubles you? Pacienca: (Said loudly with pride) That’s not a question, I am a Brahmin, and I should be seating with good looking and good caste people. I can’t seat here next to him. You have to change my seat. Air Hostess: Please, calm down, Ma’am, you are disturbing all the passengers. Our flight is full but I am still going to check. The Air Hostess left and returned after some minutes: Air Hostess: Ma’am, as I told you, there isn’t any empty seat in this economy class. Pacienca: (Shouted) I don’t care. That’s your problem. The puzzled Air Hostess left and returned after some time: Air Hostess: Look Ma’am, I spoke to the Captain and as per his order I have to do the needful. And by turning to the black-man next to Pacienca the Air Hostess said: Air Hostess: Sir, would you please leave this seat and come with me, you are upgraded to the business class. All the passengers nearby, who were watching the scene started clapping, cheering and whistling. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (20/04/2017)
VERY RARELY…… Once, a divorce case was being settled in court and the Judge asked the little kid (Ryan) of the couple:- Judge: Ryan would you like to stay with your father? Ryan: No, he beats me every day. Judge: So, you want to stay with your mother? Ryan: No, she also beats me. The Judge got a little confused and asked the boy Ryan sternly: Judge: Well, In that case with whom do you want to stay? Ryan: (Says innocently) I want to stay with the Indian Cricket Team, because it very rarely beats anyone. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................... IT'S WEEKEND (30/03/2017)
ALL IN…… A little boy (Elton) along with his mother (Tecla) goes to church for the nuptial of their neighbor boy (Stephen). After the nuptial while coming home Elton asked his mother:- Elton: Mom. Tecla: Yes Son. Elton: Why the girl dressed all in white? Tecla: The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she is very happy and this is the happiest day of her life. Elton: Hu, it’s pity of our neighbor bridegroom Stephen. Tecla: Why Son? Elton: For sure, he is unhappy today. Tecla: Why you say so? Elton: Because, he was all in black. Cajetan de Sanvordem, Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................... IT'S WEEKEND (23/03/2017)
ABOUT HIS…. An upset woman (Paciens) goes to a famous fortune teller (Ragoba), where he welcomes her:- Ragoba: Good morning Madam. Paciens: Good morning. Ragoba: Please take a seat. Paciens: (Sitting) Thank you. Ragoba: So you want to know about your future. Paciens: No…..no, not about me. Ragoba: So. Paciens: I want to know about my husband. Ragoba: I see. So, you came to know your husband’s future? Paciens: (With angered eyes) No way, you just tell me about his past, then I will decide about his future!! Cajetan de Sanvordem, Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (16/03/2017)
BECAUSE OF……. A man (Xaverito) was the regular customer of Lakabuku Bar & Restaurant .As usual at evening Xaverito goes to that bar and takes a seat at the corner. The Bartender knew him and his brand which he drinks every evening, takes his quota to his table:- Bartender: Good evening Sir. Xaverito: Good evening. By looking at his drink Xaverito started crying bitterly. Bartender: (Shocked & frightened) Sir, I am sorry if I have done something, but why you are crying? Xaverito: No, not you, It’s my wife. Bartender: Oh my God, what happened to her? Xaverito: You know that she fights with me if I drinks and go home. Bartender: Yes….. yes, you told me once about it. Xaverito: My wife told me that she wouldn’t talk to me for 3 months. Bartender: Oh no, that’s horrible! 3 months without talking to your wife means…… Xaverito: No….. No, not because of that. Bartender: So? Xaverito: (Sobs) Today those 3 months are over. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (09/03/2017)
HOW TO.. Pakistani tourists, a man (Anwar) and his wife (Zeinab) travels to the Middle East. A Yemeni man (Khalid) approaches to (Anwar):- Khalid: I'll give you 100 camels for your woman. Anwar: What?? What did you say??? Khalid: You heard me, I said, I'll give you 100 camels for your woman. After a long silence. Anwar: I am sorry. She is not for sale. The indignant wife (Zeinab) asks to Anwar: Zeinab: What took you so long to answer? Anwar: I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................ IT'S WEEKEND (02/03/2017)
YOU HAD…… A man (JuzMunel) was living with his wife and two daughters.One fine morning, he gave all of their four umbrellas for repair at one time and told the umbrella-repairer that he would pick it up in the evening while back from work. On the way to work in Bus, out of habit JuzMunel grabbed the umbrella of a woman (RitMari) sitting next to him, got up and started walking:- RitMari: (Yelled) Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief. The embarrassed guy JuzMunel returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers: JuzMunel: I am so sorry Ma’am, it was my mistake. please forgive me. In the evening JuzMunel picked up all his four umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady (RitMari) returning from work bumped into him. RitMari: (Commented by glancing the umbrellas) Seems, you had a profitable day at work today. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (16/02/2017)
GIVE ME…… Bostu & Fostu were very thick friends from their childhood. One fine day:- Bostu: Fostu, today let me check, how intelligent you are. Fostu: No problem, what you want to know? Bostu: Can you tell me, what’s there in my basket? Fostu: What I will get if I guess right? Bostu: I will give you the eggs in it. Fostu: (Thinking) Hmm... Bostu: And since you are my good friend, if you tell me how many eggs are there, then I will give you all the eight eggs. Fostu: (Thinking again) Hmmm.. Bostu: And if you tell me which birds eggs are these, then the hen is also yours! Fostu: (After thinking very deeply) Give me some clues my friend!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE......................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (02/02/2017)
BACK AT……. A government employee (Jamnadas) found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a Genie appeared in front of him:- Genie: I am here to grant you three wishes. Jamnadas: Oh that’s great. Genie: Tell me your first wish. Jamnadas: I would love an ice-cold chilled beer right now. Poof! A beer appeared. Jamnadas: What’s your second wish? Genie: I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful women. Poof! Jamnadas was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him. Jamnadas: (With excitement) “Y…..hoo", Oh, man this is the life, “ I wish I never had to work again." “And poof! Jamnadas was back at his desk in the government office!” Cajetan de Sanvordem, Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.......................IT'S WEEKEND (26/01/2017)
HOW MUCH…….. Jakru was driving from Ribandar to Colvale (Bardez). On his way, when his car entered on the Mandovi Bridge, he noticed that the traffic is almost jammed. Jakru saw a group of men talking to every motorist. After sometime, one of the group men came to Jakru:- Man: Hello Sir. Jakru: Hello, what’s going on? Man: Sir, what to tell you, there is a big problem. Jakru: Problem? What problem? Man: Sir, in the Assembly Complex (pointing) up there, our Ministers and MLAs were having a big discussion on forthcoming elections. Suddenly a gang of Terrorists surrounded them all. Jakru: Oh No… Man: Those Terrorists are demanding for 50 million Rupees, if not…… Jakru: If not, what? Man: They will burn-alive all the Ministers and MLAs in there with petrol. Jakru: Oh my God. Man: That’s why we are here to collect some donations from all the motorist. Jakru: Ok……. ok, no problem, how much everybody donating in average? Man: 5 liters of petrol. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................ IT'S WEEKEND (19/01/2017)
IF HE…….. A guy (PedSuntiag) phoned to the Minister’s house, but gets his wife (Chermelin) instead:- PedSuntiag: Can I talk to the Minister? Chermelin: (Explains) I am sorry, he is very sick and last week admitted in the hospital. PedSuntiag: Can you give me his contact number over there? Chermelin: He is not in position to talk because he is in coma. The next day PedSuntiag calls again and asks for the Minister. Chermelin: (Replies) I told you yesterday that He is in coma and unable to talk. The next day PedSuntiag calls again and once more asks to speak to the Minister. By this time the wife Chermelin got upset and shouts: Chermelin: I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU... TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR MINISTER IS IN COMA! WHY DO YOU KEEP ON CALLING? PedSuntiag: (Replied laughingly) Because "I JUST LOVE HEARING IT." I want to make sure that he doesn’t come out from coma till the election takes place because I have full chance to win election and become Minister this time. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................... IT'S WEEKEND (12/01/2017)
SO I AM…… A Man (Bostiao) shouts to his Son (Jonan):- Bostiao: Jonan, come here. Jonan: Yes Daddy? Bostiao: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse. Jonan: But Daddy. Bostiao: But what? Jonan: I will only get my report card tomorrow. Bostiao: I know…… I know that. But I am flying tonight to Singapore because I have to resume my work on the ship, so I am scolding you now only. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (01/12/2016)
FIND AN….. On a flight, a Man (Kistod) said to a beautiful Lady (Ruzenka) sitting next to him:- Kistod: U….. Nice perfume. Ruzenka: Thanks. Kistod: Which one is it? Ruzenka: What? Kistod: I mean, what’s the name of it? Ruzenka: Why? Kistod: I want to gift it to my wife. Ruzenka: Don’t give her. Kistod: Why? Ruzenka: Because some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................. IT'S WEEKEND (24/11/2016)
IF I…….. A Surgeonparked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short oftime and couldn't find a space in any parking place. So he put a noteunder the windshield wiper that read:- "I have circledthe block 10 times. If I don't park here, I will miss my important Medical Conference. "FORGIVE US OURTRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with thisnote: "I have circledthis block for 10 years. If I don't give you a wrong parking ticket, I willlose my job. "LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION." Cajetan deSanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................. IT'S WEEKEND (17/11/2016)
A HEARTY……. A witness (Girgol) to an automobile accident was testifying. Adv. Xembu asked him:- Adv. Xembu: Didyou actually see the accident? Girgol: Yes,sir. Adv. Xembu: Howfar away were you, when the accident happened? Girgol: Thirty-onefeet, six and one quarter inches. Adv. Xembu: (Thinking he wouldtrap the witness): Well, Girgol, will you tell the court, how you knew it wasexactly that distance? Girgol: Becausewhen the accident happened, I took out a tape and measured it. Adv. Xembu:Measured? Girgol:Yes, because I knew some annoying Advocate would ask me that question. All thepeople who were hearing this case, had a hearty laugh. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................... IT'S WEEKEND (10/11/2016)
BUT. A man (Bostu) meets his old buddy (Gustu) after a long time. Bostu looked dejected and almost on the verge of tears:- Gustu: Hey buddy, howcome you look like the whole world caved in? Bostu: What to tell you Gustu. Three weeks ago,an uncle of mine died and left me Fifty Lakhs. Gustu: That’s not bad. Bostu: Hold on, I am just getting started. Two weeks ago, my cousin diedand left me Twenty Lakhs. Gustu: Oh that’s good toofor you. Bostu: Last week, my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a Million. Gustu: Then how come youlook so glum? Bostu: But…… Gustu: But what?? Bostu: (Weeping miserably) This week, nothing! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (03/11/2016)
NONE OF…… Gabru was at work. He was impatiently awaiting for the telephone call from the maternity hospital because his wife was admitted in there with the labour pain. His colleague (Sarto) was trying to comfort him:- Sarto: Don’t worry Gabru you will get the good news soon. Gabru: It’s already 3 hours my wife is in labour. Sarto: Just keep on praying and everything will be fine. And that very moment Gabru got the call from the hospital: Velsama: Hello, is this Mr. Gabru Gabru: Yes I am. Velsama: I am sister Velsama from L. M. Hospital. Congratulations Sir, your wife delivered a baby girl. Gabru: (Excited) WOW……., thank you….. thank you so much. Velsama: You are welcome Sir. Gabru with his friend Sarto rush to the Hospital, they were informed at the reception that they have to wait for some time as it’s not yet visiting hours: Gabru and Sarto goes to the side ways where they can see newly arrived babies. Gabru: (with broad smile) Oh yeah, Kitchy kitchy koo. Look…. look, she smiled, isn't she adorable? Sarto: But none of the kid smiled. Gabru: I was talking about that pretty and sexy nurse. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................... IT'S WEEKEND (27/10/2016)
I CAN…… It was the coldest winter, a man (Pociano) was suffering from a miserable cold. So he goes to see his family doctor (Dr. Roldanv) who prescribed him some pills.After a week Pociano goes back to Dr. Roldanv:- Pociano: Doctor, I took all those pills which you prescribed to me but they didn’t help. Dr. Roldanv: Oh… ok, I will give you an injection then, hope this will work. After 5 days, Pociano again visits Dr. Roldanv: Pociano: Doctor, for this cold which I am suffering for so many days, first you prescribed me pills but it did not work and second time you gave me injection but that too didn’t do any good. Dr. Roldanv: Hu (stares at Pociano and thinks deeply for a minute). Well…. Ok, now you do one thing, go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing, without wearing any clothes, open all the windows and stand in the draft. Pociano: (Protested) But Doctor, it’s coolest winter now and top of that its blowing, and if I do what you says, I’ll get pneumonia. Dr. Roldanv: I know…….. I know, don’t worry, I can surely cure pneumonia within no time. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (13/10/2016)
YOU ARE……. An old man (Minglu) visits his doctor (Dr. Porpotto) and after thorough examination, Dr. Porpotto tells him:- Dr. Porpotto: I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first? Minglu: Well, give me the bad news first. Dr. Porpotto: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Minglu: Oh no! That's awful! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this? Dr. Porpotto: You also have Alzheimer's. In about two months you are going to forget everything I told you. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................... IT'S WEEKEND (08/09/2016)
ON MY…….. Teodu was admitted in the hospital. His best friend (Baltu) goes to his doctor and says:-Baltu: Doctor, how is my friend Teodu now?Doctor: His condition is critical.Baltu: Doctor, as you know Teodu is my best friend, can I be with him alone just for 5 minutes?Doctor: Okay, no problem.Baltu went inside and stood beside Teodu’s bed. Teodu’s frail condition grew worse and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Baltu handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Teodu used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Baltu, thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his pocket. At the funeral in the cemetery, before Teodu could be buried, Baltu asked the priest permission and said:Baltu: My dear brothers and sisters, as you’ll know that Teodu was my best friend, we always shared all the secrets among us. Teodu handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Teodu, I am sure there is a word of inspiration to all of us.Baltu unfolded the note and read aloud infront of everyone: “You stupid, idiot…, you are standing on my oxygen tube!”Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (18/08/2016)
THIS IS... A woman (Ezmerald) goes to a dentist with her two daughters (Eight years old Scully and Five years Nelly). Among nine other patients Ezmerald and Nelly were sitting in the waiting room while Scully was being examined by the dentist in the examine room. Nelly kept herself busy playing games on the mobile, until she noticed that her Mom was dozing. Nelly shook her mother’s shoulder and said:-Nelly: (Yelled) Mom…. Mom?All the patients in the waiting room staring at Ezmerald and Nelly:Ezmerald: (In doziness) H…, What?Nelly: Wake up! This is not church!Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (11/08/2016)
IT IS.. PedSuntiag was having a party for his buddies at the terrace of his building. While he was looking down from the building terrace for his invitees who were yet to come…. his watch slipped and started falling down. He started running down the staircase.On the way he saw some guests coming up. One of the guest (JuzMunel) asked him:- JuzMunel: Arrre PedSuntiag, why are you running so fast? PedSuntiag: My watch fell from the terrace! JuzMunel: So why are you running? It must have broken by now! PedSuntiag: Before it does, I have to reach down. JuzMunel: How it’s possible? PedSuntiag: Because my watch is 7 minutes late. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (28/07/2016)
LAZY TO….. In Swindon, U.K., A young guy (Jostan) goes to his girlfriend (Leora’s) house for the first time. She takes him into the living room:- Leora: Love, what you like to have? Jostan: Well, since it’s very cold, I would love to have a peg of brandy. Leora: Oh sure, we have Macieira brandy, I’ll get it for you. Leora goes inside. As Jostan was sitting alone in the living room, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he was looking at it, Leora walks back in with glasses and a bottle of Macieira brandy: Jostan: (By showing the vase to Leora) Darling, What's this? Leora: Oh, my father's ashes are in there. Jostan: (Turns red in horror) Your father……’s ashes? Leora: Yeah, he is too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (21/07/2016)
I DID……. Bostu saw an exhausted Inas running up to him:- Bostu: Inas, what happened to you? Inas: (Fatigued) What to tell you Bostu, there was a nasty Big Bull on the street that nearly killed me today. Bostu: Oh really, what happened? Inas: I was just walking quietly wearing this red T-Shirt. Bostu: So? Inas: That Big Bull came charging at me like a locomotive, He almost got me. Bostu: Then how did you get away? Inas: Well, the Bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over. Bostu: Oh…. Inas, that's scary. If it had been me, I would probably have shit all over the place. Inas: I did the same. Bostu: You mean you shitted? Inas: Yes I did. What do you think the bull was slipping on? Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................. IT'S WEEKEND (14/07/2016)
HOW THE... A man (Hercu) goes to the local police station and meets Police Inspector in charge (Inspector Rapoz):- Hercu: Inspector, I want to talk to the burglar who had broken my house last night. Inspector Rapoz: (Adamant) No, you can’t do that. Hercu: Why Inspector. Inspector Rapoz: You will get your chance to talk to him in the court. Hercu: No, no, you don't understand Inspector. Inspector Rapoz: What you mean to say? Hercu: I don’t want to ask him why he broke in my house, nor what he wanted to still from house, but I only want to ask him….. Inspector Rapoz: What? Hercu: I just want to know how the hell he got into the house without waking my wife. I have been trying to do that for years! Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (30/06/2016)
DON’T WANT…… A drunken man (Suntiag) gets on the bus, staggers up the aisle and sits next to an elderly woman (Consu). Suntiag was terribly stinking which Consu could not bear. She looks Suntiag up and down and says:- Consu: Do you know something? Suntiag: What? Consu: I have got news for you. Suntiag: News? What news? Consu: You are going straight to hell. Suntiag: Oh no, I am on the wrong bus (jumps up out of his seat, runs to the driver of the bus and shouts) Stop….stop… stop the bus please. I want to get down. Driver halt the bus, after getting out the bus, Suntiag says: Suntiag: You carry on, I don’t want to go to hell. Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (23/06/2016)
LIKE TO……. Isidor was at home, watching a Hindi serial “Babhi-ji Ghar-pe Haim” on TV. His six year old daughter Sibyl comes home from the school:- Sibyl: Hi Dad. Isidor: Hisweetheart . Sibyl: Today Igot result of my exams, here is my report card, I passed in all the subjects. Teacher said you have tosign on it. Isidor: Oh…very good. Sibyl: Teachersaid you have to sign on it. Isidor glances on Sibyl report card, her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple ofB's. However,her Class Teacher (Natty) had writtenacross the bottom: " Sibyl is asmart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I havean idea, I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Isidor signedher report card, putting a note on the back: " Teacher Natty, please let me know if youridea works on Sibyl because I wouldlike to try it out on her mother." Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (16/06/2016)
EVEN FOR…. A man (Sushant) had two wives (Mogrem & Xenvtem), but his wives were not awareof his second marriage nor they ever met each other. Sushant wanted to find out if his wives werefaithful to him or not. So, he decided to send them together on the same cruiseand then question them separately on each other’s behavior once they are back. After two weeks theyreturned, Sushant casually asked his first wife (Mogrem), about people on the trip and slowlycame to the behavior of his second wife (Xenvtem) indirectly:- Mogrem: She was flirting with almost every man on the ship. Next day the disheartenedman (Sushant) goes to his second wife (Xenvtem) and asked her the same tricky thingsand indirectly came to his first wife (Mogrem’s) behavior: Xenvtem: She was a real lady. Sushant: (Brimming with curiosity) How can you say so? Xenvtem: She came on board with her husband and never left his side evenfor once. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (09/06/2016)
FELL IN……. A 5 yearold boy (Raju) came screaming out of the bathroom. His father (Kaxinath) asked him:- Kaxinath: What happened son?Why you are screaming? Raju: Daddy, by mistakeI dropped my toothbrush in the toilet bowl. Kaxinath: Oh, it’s okay, don’tworry. Kaxinath goes in the bathroom and fished out the toothbrush from toiletbowl and threw it in the garbage. Raju stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to the bathroom andcame out with his Daddy’s toothbrush. Kaxinath: Son, you don’t haveto use my toothbrush, wait I will give you the new one which is inside thecupboard. Raju: (Said with the charming little smile) Daddy, we better throw this toothbrush out too. Kaxinath: Why you want tothrow out my toothbrush? Raju: Because it fell inthe toilet bowl a few days ago. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (02/06/2016)
YOU WERE….. One fine Sunday morning Marian and hiswife (Dumelin) returns home from the church and were havingtheir breakfast:- Dumelin:Listen my dear husband, I know you love me deeply as I do, but… Marian:But? But what darling? Dumelin: Alwaysat night after you have your drinks, you completely changes, you fire bad wordsand quarrels with me. Marian:Oh, I am so sorry for that. Dumelin: Ihave tolerated it for years, but last night you raised your hand on me. If thiscontinue…. Marian:Please forgive me darling, I’ll try to control myself. Dumelin: Iam warning you that I will not take it anymore, if you repeat it again than I’llleave you and this house and go away and you will never know where I am. At thatnight too Marian repeated the same thing. He woke upnext morning and deeply repented. He noticed with dismay the crate of beerbottles that had made his wife to leave him. He took the crate outside andstarted smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall. He smashed the firstbottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with my wife". He smashed the second bottle, "You are the reason my wife left me". When he took the third bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed andwas full. He hesitated for a moment and said: “You stand aside, I know you were not involved”. Cajetan de Snvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE………………………….……………… IT’S WEEKEND (19/05/2016)
BUT NOT……. A man (Cazmir) worked and worked and saved all his money. Never spending any of it, but just saving it. Cazmir loved money and was a miser. Every month he gives a sufficient fixed amount to his wife (Libru) for the home expenses. One fine day:- Cazmir: Listen Libru, when I die, I want you to put all my saved money in the coffin with me. Libru: Coffin? Why? Cazmir: I want to have it for the afterlife. Libru: What you are talking? Cazmir: No more questions, just promise me that when I die you will put my money in the coffin. Libru: Okay…… okay, I promise to put all your money in your coffin with you. One day Cazmir died and at the funeral Libru sat holding a gift wrapped box. Just as the Priest ordered to close the coffin and get ready to proceed to the church: Libru: Wait, I have something to put in the coffin with him. Libru gently placed the box in the coffin. Libru’s closest friend (Rakel) who knew about this asked Libru: Rakel: (Whispers) What is there in that box? I am sure you didn’t put the money in it. Libru: Well, as you know that I am a person who always stick with the truth, thus I could not lie to him, so I did as I promised. Rakel: Are you crazy? Libru: (Dabbing the tears from her eyes) I am a truthful person but not a fool. I wrote him a cheque and put into that box!!! Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................... IT'S WEEKEND (12/05/2016)
FOR MY…… A man (PedJuze) goes to the Ringmaster of Gemini Circus and tellshim that he is interested in joining the circus as a Lion Tamer:- Ringmaster: Well, do you have anyexperience? PedJuze: Oh yes. My fatherwas one of the most famous Lion Tamers in the world, and he taught meeverything he knew. Ringmaster: Really? PedJuze: Yes Sir. Ringmaster: Did he teach youhow to make a lion jump through the flaming hoop? PedJuze: Yes, he did. Ringmaster: And did he teach you how to have six lions from a pyramid? PedJuze: Yes Sir, he did. Ringmaster: And have you ever stuck your head in a Lion's mouth? PedJuze: Yes Sir, Just once. Ringmaster: Why only once? PedJuze: I was looking for my father. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (28/04/2016)
WHERE IS…… An elderly couple ( Minglu & Ermelin) starts getting forgetful, theyvisit their family doctor (Dr. Zuzarte):- Dr.Zuzarte: It’s not a big deal, it happens due to age. Ermelin: Can’t you prescribe any medicine for it doctor? Dr.Zuzarte: No need of medicine. Minglu: But doctor, sometimes it becomes a big problem for us. Dr.Zuzarte: (Explains) Look Minglu & Ermelin, at this age many people find it useful to write themselves littlenotes. You may please try it. When they (Minglu & Ermelin) get home: Ermelin: Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me the samosas which is in the microwave? Minglu: Ok sweetheart. Ermelin: Please write that down so you won't forget. Minglu: Nonsense, I can remember Samosas. Ermelin: Well, I would also like a cup of hot coffee with milk. Minglu: My memory is not all that bad. Ermelin: But you please see that you warm up the samosas. Minglu: No problem…., warmed Samosas and hot coffee with milk. I don't need towrite it down. Minglu goes into the kitchen, Ermelin hears pots and pansbanging. Minglu finally emerges from the kitchenand presents his wife with a plate of Keema and Boiled Eggs. Ermelin: (Looks at the plate and asks) Hey, where is the Chevrise(Sausages)-Pulao and Veg., Soup I asked for? Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................... IT'S WEEKEND (21/04/2016)
PLEASE DON’T…… A guy (Teodu) alongwith his wife (Filsu) goes to the Super-market:- Filsu:Love, I’ll go to the other side in the cosmetic section to buy some make-upthings for me. Teodu:Okay Darling. Within afew minutes Teodu notices an attractive Lady waving at him. Lady:Hello. Teodu:(Surprised) Oh… Hi…. Hello. Teodu can’t placewhere he knows this young Lady, so he says: Teodu:Do you know me? Lady:I think you are the father of one of my kids. This was heard by Filsu whoreturned to Teoduwith some of her make-up things: Filsu:(Withanger) So that means you have been unfaithful to me? Teodu:No Darling, please don’t say like that. Filsu:(Shouted) Tell me the truth. Did you marry her beforemarring to me? Teodu:Oh No… Darling, I swear, I don’t even know her. Filsu & Teoduwere in heat-up discussion. All the other customers in the super-market were staringat them: Lady:(Interferes) Excuse me, please don’t get me wrong, I amyour son’s (Charlton’s) Teacher. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (14/04/2016)
FOR IT……… One fine Sunday morning, LuisPidade was sitting on an easy-chair andreading a news-paper. His little son (Chintu) comes to him and says:- Chintu: Dad. LuisPidade: Yes Son. Chintu: I want to ask you something, can I? LuisPidade: Go on Son. Chintu: I have seen that you and Mom always quarrel, why Dad? LuisPidade: You better ask this to your Mom. Chintu: H, Dad, which marriage is good? Love marriage or Arrangemarriage? LuisPidade: I don’t know Son. Chintu: Dad, how much does it cost to get married? LuisPidade: My Son, I really don’t know, all I know that I am still payingfor it. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (07/04/2016)
BACK OF.. A plane was taking offfrom Cochin-Kerala Airport. After it reached to a comfortablecruising altitude, the captain (Mathai) made an announcement over the intercom:- CaptainMathai : Ladies and gentlemen,this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 303, nonstopfrom Cochin to Mumbai. The weather ahead is extremelyfantastic and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventfulflight. Now sit back and "OH MY GOD" (suddenly captain yelled) Acomplete silence on board…. Then, Captain Mathai came back onthe intercom and said: CaptainMathai: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, butwhile I was talking, the flight-attendant Miss Kunjuma brought me a cup of coffee and by mistake spilled the hotcoffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pant! A panic passenger (Thankachan) said to his co-passenger: Thankachan: That's nothing. He should see the back of my pant! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.......................................... IT'S WEEKEND (31/03/2016)
FOR HER….. A young man (Aaron) shopping in a supermarket noticed an Old lady following him around. If he stops, she also stops. Furthermoreshe kept staring at him. Old lady finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him andsaid:- Old lady: Young man, I hopeI haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like mylate son. Aaron: Oh…That's okay. Old lady: Son, could you dome a favor, I know it's silly, but if you'd call out to me "Goodbye Mom" as I leave the super market, it would make me feel so happy. Aaron : Oh.. sure. The Old lady then went throughthe checkout, and as she was on her way out of the super market: Aaron: (Called out) Good bye Mom. The Old lady waved, and smiled back at him. Aaron pleasedthat he had brought a little smile and sunshine into someone's day, Aaron wentto pay for his things to theCashier . Cashier: That comes to Rs:5,121/= Aaron: How come so much? I onlybought these 4 small items! Cashier: Yeah, but yourMother said you'd be paying for her things, too. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................ IT'S WEEKEND (24/03/2016)
DOWN MY…… One day, littleboy (Melito) was sitting in the class and had to go to theToilet, so he raised his hand to ask the Teacher’s permission:- Melito:Excuse me Teacher. Teacher: Yes Melito Melito: Iwant to go to the toilet. Teacher: Ok…go, but next time it will be better by raising your hand you say the alphabet,so that I can understand easily. The nextday when Melito had to go to the toilet, he rose his hand: Teacher:Yes Melito. Melito: Teacher,I want to…. Teacher: (Interrupts) Say the alphabet and I’ll let you go. Melito: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST VWXYZ. Teacher: Whereis U? Melito: It'srunning down my legs. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................... IT'S WEEKEND (17/03/2016)
ONLY IN…… A well-established companyhad a policy of employing only married men. Concerned about this, the leader of a local Women Liberation Union(Mrs. Rebeca), calls the C.E.O of that company:- Mrs.Rebeca: Good morning Sir. C.E.O: Good morning. Mrs.Rebeca: I am (Mrs. Rebeca), the leader of Women Liberation Union. C.E.O: Oh I see, ok tell me. Mrs.Rebeca: If you don’t mind, can I ask you something? C.E.O: Yes sure, go ahead. Mrs.Rebeca: Why is it, that you limit your employees, to married men? Is it because you consider us women weak, dumb, cantankerous, tantrum-throwersand/or bossy? C.E.O: (Replied coolly) Not at all, Ma'am. You must be aware that our company hasname and fame in whole India, and it’s because of our policy to employ staffwho:- - are used to obeying orders, without questioning. - are accustomed to being shoved around. - know how to keep their mouths shut. And - would put up with anything, when I yell at them. And we found all these qualities, only in married men. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................... IT'S WEEKEND (10/03/2016)
LOOKING FOR…… World Health Organization (WHO)held a conference and was well attended by medical experts from all over theworld. In thebreak time 4 doctors were chatting:- British doctor: Medicinein my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put itin another man, and have him looking for work in six weeks. German doctor: That'snothing . We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another man, and have himlooking for work in four weeks. Russian doctor: Inmy country, medicine is so advanced, we take half a heart out of one person,put it in another man, and have both of them looking for work in two weeks. Indian doctor: Youguys are way behind us. We just took a man with no brain out of Gujarat, who knew nothingbut only four words ACH’HE DIN ANEVALLE HAIM (Good days will come). Put him in the DelhiParliament, and now half the country is looking for work. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (03/03/2016)
OF MY…….. One fine afternoon, alittle 6 years old girl (Chinky) was returning home from herschool. She saw a Policeman, by looking him up and down athis uniform, she asked:- Chinky: Excuse me Sir. Policeman: Yes. Chinky: Are you a Policeman? Policeman: Yes, I am. Chinky: My mother said, if I ever needed help, I should ask the Police. Isthat right? Policeman: Yes, that’s right. Chinky: Well, then (extended her foot towards Policeman) would you please tie the lace of my shoe? Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................... IT'S SPECIAL WEEKEND (24/02/2016)
SO I……… A 19years young man (Clayton) drives home with a brand-new PORSCHE car which surprised tohis parents (Leandro & Belinda):- Leandro: (Demands) From where did you get that car? Clayton: (Replies calmly) I bought it today. Belinda: With what money? Leandro: (Exclaims) We know what a Porsche costs. Clayton: With my allowancemoney, it was just Rs:1,500/=. Leandro: (Shocked) What??? Leandro: Who the heck soldyou a brand-new Porsche for One Thousand Five Hundred Rupees? Clayton: It was the lady (Aurora) from the next ward. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked meif I wanted to buy Porsche for One and a half thousand. Leandro: Well, there mustbe some kind of mistake. Belinda: Leandro, you go right up there and see what’s going on. Leandro : (Goes to the Aurora’s house) Did you sell thePorsche car to my son? Aurora: Oh, yes, I hope heis enjoying it. Leandro: Yes, very much. But,may I ask you what made you to sell it for such a low price? Aurora: Well, yesterdaymorning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a businesstrip, but I learned from a friend that he ran away with his secretary and doesn’twant to come back. Leandro: Oh….., but aboutthe Porsche? Aurora: Yesterday on phone,he said that he urgently needs money, he asked me to sell his new Porsche,which was in my name and send him money. So I did. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (18/02/2016)
COULD GO…… A man (Inas) and his wife (Izu) were at Pereira’sCorner, Bar-N- Restaurant. Inas keeps staring a drunken lady swiggingher vodka at a nearby table. Izu: Do you know her? Inas: (Sighs) Yes. Izu: How? Inas: (Murmurs) Just forget it. Izu: No, tell me, I want to know. Inas: (Tensed) She is Paskin. Izu: Paskin? Inas: Yes, my ex-wife. She took up drinking right after we divorced fiveyears ago, and I heard that she hasn’t been sober since. Izu: My God, who would think a person could go on celebrating thatlong? Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (11/02/2016)
TO HAVE……. A 21 years young man (Joku), goes to Margao’s famous Jewelleryshop (ULHAS JEWELLERY),Jeweller Ulhas welcomes him:- JewellerUlhas: Good afternoon Sir. Joku: Good afternoon. JewellerUlhas: May I help you Sir? Joku: Yes, I want to buy an attractive and glittering bracelet, tosurprise my girlfriend on Valentine's Day. JewellerUlhas shows him variousbracelets with different designs: Joku: Okay,(bypointing) I’ll buy this. JewellerUlhas: Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it? Joku: (Thought for a moment andgrinned) Hm….. No, instead engrave "To my one and only love". JewellerUlhas: (Smiled) Sir, you are very romantic. Joku: Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we breakup, I can use it again to have a new girlfriend. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (04/02/2016)
ON YOUR…… An old lady (Ditoza) goes to her family doctor (Dr. Borges):- Ditoza: Doctor, I have a problem with frequent gas. Dr. Borges: Gas? Ditoza: Yes Doctor. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are alwayssilent. As a matter of fact, I have farted at least 9 or 10 times since I havebeen here, and I bet you didn't even notice! Dr. Borges: I see (writesprescription) Take these tablets and come back next week. The next week the old lady (Ditoza) returns to Dr. Borges: Ditoza: Doctor, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silentfarts terribly stinks. Dr. Borges: (Smiles) Good! Now that we have cleared up your sinuses, let's work to improveyour hearing. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.......................................... IT'S WEEKEND (28/01/2016)
I MIGHT……. A married man (Shankar) meets his buddy (Tulsidas): Shankar: Hibuddy. Tulsidas: Hi. Shankar: Howyou are doing? Tulsidas: I amgood. Shankar: I youdon’t mind, may I ask you something? Tulsidas: Yes,you may. Shankar: Tellme, why didn't you get through with the wedding! Tulsidas: Well….. Shankar: Tellme buddy, I want to know. Tulsidas: Totell you the truth... I am thinking about your wife, all the time! Shankar: (With anger) WHAT? How dare you…. Tulsidas: Chillout man..., Don't get it wrong... I have been observing your married life and Iam just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE..................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (21/01/2016)
FOR A…… One eveninga man (Andru) walks into a bar looking sad. The Bartender greetedhim:- Bartender:Good evening Sir. Andru:Good evening. One beer please. Bartender:Just a beer? Andru:Yeah. Bartender:Sir, if you don’t mind, can I ask you something? Andru:U…. Ok. Bartender:What’s wrong? You used to have whiskey and why you are so tensed and upsettoday? Andru:My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for amonth. Bartender:So what’s wrong with that? Andru:(Withdeep sorrow) That month ends up today. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................ IT'S WEEKEND (14/01/2016)
HAVE JUST…… Ladru meets his friend (Pedru):- Ladru: Hello my friend. Pedru: Hello. Ladru: Would you please give me a cigarette. Pedru: But I heard that you have made a New Year resolution to quitsmoking. Ladru: Hm…… Yes. Pedru: Today is 14th Jan., 2016. Ladru: Yes, you are right. Pedru: So what happened to your resolution? Ladru: I have decided to quit this smoking habit and I am in process of quitting. Pedru: Process? Ladru: Yes, right now I am in second phase. Pedru: Oh really? So what was the first phase? Ladru: I have just quit buying cigarettes!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (10/12/2015)
MY OWN…… RitMari was so much tensed because her husband (JuzMunel) always comes home late night fully drunk, and if she objects toit, JuzMunel quarrels with her. It was 11:40 p.m. when JuzMunel enters home:- RitMari: (With anger) Listen JuzMunel, I am really fed-upwith your overdrinking of liquor. Not a single night I find you sober. JuzMunel: Now you listen tome, I am drinking of my own money, nobody has right to tell me not to drink. RitMari: Tomorrow, if youcome home drinking like this, I swear, I will complain to the police station and put you behind the bars. Next night too as usual JuzMunel comes home by over drinking. RitMari complains to the Police station. Police jeep comes and take JuzMunel to the Police station and put him behind the bars, next morningthe in-charge of the Police station (PSI Costao) questioned JuzMunel: PSI Costao: Your wife saysthat every night you comes home by drinking and quarrels with her, is it right? JuzMunel: Yes inspector, butI drink of my own money, comes to my own home and quarrel with my own wife. PSI Costao: I really don’t knowwhy you people drink alcohol when it is not the answer for the question. JuzMunel: Alcohol may not bethe answer but it helps you to forget the question!!! Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE......................................... IT'S WEEKEND (03/12/2015)
ALL BY…… Teacher Silvina was very much admired of her little student (Rayan). Because he always keeps his books clean and tidy, andwithout fail he always does his homework. One fine day during her class Teacher Silvina asks Rayan:- Teacher Silvina: Rayan Rayan: Yesteacher. Teacher Silvina: You area good boy. Rayan: Thankyou Teacher. Teacher Silvina: I likeyour cleanliness and maintaining your books, keep it up. Rayan: OkayTeacher. Teacher Silvina: But tellme one thing. Does your father helps you with your homework? Rayan: (Answers innocently) No Teacher, he does it all by himself. Cajetan deSanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................... IT'S WEEKEND (26/11/2015)
LEAVE THE……… ABOLIN says to her husband ( LAZAR ) :- ABOLIN: Darling? LAZAR: Yes honey. ABOLIN: What happened? LAZAR: Nothing. ABOLIN: Is something wrong? LAZAR: No….. not at all. ABOLIN: Than why you are so calm and quite? LAZAR: Well, I was just thinking…... ABOLIN: What? LAZAR: You know it’s weekend, right? ABOLIN: Yes of course I do. So? LAZAR: So, Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. ABOLIN: Wow! (with excitement) That’s great, but darling, if you get home before I do, please leavethe hallway light on. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (19/11/2015)
I CAN’T…….. Three middleaged women ( ANSU, CONSU & FILSU) were planning to go for Navelim FeastDance. Theywere discussing about the dress they would wear for the dance. They finallydecided to choose the color that matches with the hair color of their husband:- ANSU: Iwill go with brown as my husband’s hair are dark brown! CONSU: I alwaysprefer black as my husband’s hair color is naturally black! FILSU was quiet. ANSU & CONSU insisted herabout her preferred color. FILSU: I wasthinking a lot but can’t choose any color. ANSU: Why? CONSU: Whathappened? FILSU: I can’twear any dress because my husband is bald! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] HAPPY FEAST
Wishingall the Sanvordem-kars and Curchorem-kars avery happy feast of our patron "GUARDIANANGEL" whichis celebrating today 15thNovember 2015 Cajetan de Sanvordem President GuardianAngel Club Kuwait
[Goanet] SMILE..................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (12/11/2015)
YOU ARE…….. A woman (Dumelin) goes for shopping. At cashcounter she opened her purse to pay. The Cashier noticed a TV remote in herpurse. He couldn’t control his curiosity, he asked Dumelin:- Cashier: Ma’am, do you always carry your TV remote with you? Dumelin: (Replied with pride) No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me forshopping today, because he wants to watch ISL Football game on TV, and at thesame time he wants to record La Liga football games, which he will never ableto do without this remote. Dumelin gives her credit card to the cashier. The Cashier checks the card and laughs, then takes back all the items that Dumelin had purchased: Dumelin: (Shocked at this act) What you are doing? Why you are taking my things back? Cashier: (Smiled) I am sorry Ma’am, you husband has blocked your credit card. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (29/10/2015)
LOT OF……. It was late evening. Simao enters his home from his office. His wife (Pelegrin) wassitting on the sofa and reading a magazine:- Simao: Hi darling. Pelegrin: Oh, there you are. Come on now, changeyour clothes and go straight to the kitchen, there are so many utensils to bewashed. Simao: Ok darling (goesinside to change) Pelegrin shouts outto their dog (Tiger): Pelegrin: Tiger …….?. Tiger? Come here…… The dog (Tiger) was in the pet-room, and don’tbother to listen Pelegrin or moveeven a single inch. With anger Pelegrin goes to thepet-room and beats him, put the chain to the dog’s neck and bring him to the kitchenwhere her husband Simao was cleaningutensils. Pelegrin: Tiger? Now stand on your two legs, I said stand on your two legs and put yourhands up. The dog gives deaf ear to the Pelegrin’s command. Simao: Darling, I feel, youwill never succeed in making that dog obey you! Pelegrin: Nonsense, it’s only a matter of some timeand patience,I had a lot of trouble with you at first. Cajetan deSanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (10/09/2015)
BECAUSE OF……… Luiza had a beautiful daughter(Pearl). Shewas very naughty and mischievous. One day, little Pearl withgreat curiosity asked her Mother (Luiza):- Pearl: Mama? Luiza: Yes darling. Pearl: Why your hair are turninggrey? Luiza decided to teach herchild about good behavior, so she said: Luiza: Dear, my hair are turning grey, only because of you. Pearl: Because of me? How Mama? Luiza: Whenever you do something bad, wrong or trouble me, one of myhair turns grey. For few moments Pearlstarred her Mother in silent and laughed loudly: Luiza: What happened? Why you are laughing? Pearl: Mama, now I understandwhy Grandma’s hair are completely grey!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.............................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (27/08/2015)
WE ARE……. In a government college,the Principal (Nagesham) was getting transferred to anothercollege. A farewell party was held. And a senior Teacher (Kunda) said:- TeacherKunda: Sir, we all are so sorry that you are going. PrincipalNagesham: I can understand your feelings, but don’t worry, our managementwill send you’ll a better Principal. A senior most office staff (Mr.Lalapan) smiled with repulsivelook to PrincipalNagesham. PrincipalNagesham: What happened Mr. Lalapan? Mr.Lalapan: Sorry Sir, but that is what they told us when previous Principalwas leaving!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE......................................... IT'S WEEKEND (20/08/2015)
DO YOU…….. A Teacher(Sir Toraddo) enters into the 4th Standard classroomto teach Maths. When he was about tobegin, a student (Petu) raises his hand and says:- Petu: Excuseme Sir. Sir Toraddo:Yes Petu. Petu: Sir, canI ask you something? Sir Toraddo: Okay Petu, ask me, what is it? Petu: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they didnot do? Sir Toraddo: No Petu. Why should I? Petu: Thank you Sir. That’s a relief. Sir Toraddo:Why you asked that? Petu: Ihaven’t done the homework. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.......................................... IT'S WEEKEND (13/08/2015)
NOT BE……. One fine Sunday evening Latika comes home and tells her mother (Rukminni):- Latika: Mom, I am not going to marry that Govind, the one you have chosen for me. Rukminni: Why? What happened?? Latika: He says that he want to take me to Hanging-Garden and Hang-Out. Rukminni: So, what’s wrong in that? Latika: Mom, I am telling you that I don’t want to marry him, and if youforce me, than I will run away from this house with the boy whom I will chooseand you will never know where I am. Rukminni: (Crying bitterly) My dear daughter, please listen to me carefully… I ran away from my parents’ house and married to your Father; Your elder sister ran away with the Baker and got married; Your brother did the same thing with our Maid; Your father twice ran away.. once with our neighbor (Channapa’s) Wife and second time with a vegetable selling Lady; And now, if you too do the same thing, than where do we stand? Wewill not be able to show our face to our relatives, neighbors and villagers!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (06/08/2015)
VERY FEW….. A man (Xembu) gets a call from a company,where he had applied for a post of Warehouse in-charge. Xembu goes to the company and the interviewwith Xembu was in progress:- Interviewer: Well, now let me ask you a last question, just to check how goodyour general knowledge is. Xembu: Okay Sir. Interviewer: If a tiger attacks your Wife and your Mother-in-law at the sametime, whom would you save? Xembu: Of course, the Tiger. Interviewer: Tiger? Why?? Xembu: Because our Government says: “Save Tigers”. I will try to save atleast one, because very few are left! Interviewer: You are appointed, you can join right now!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (30/07/2015)
PLEASE USE……. The Boss, who was on the 19th floor of the building called up his newly appointed Clerk ( Raghu ) on the ground floor:- Boss: Raghu. Raghu: Yes Sir. Boss: Bring me the file, which I gave you yesterday. Raghu: The one which is written ‘Top Confidential’? Boss: Yes, that’s the one. Raghu: Okay Sir. Boss: And listen, it’s an emergency, so be hurry with the file. Raghu: Right away Sir. After more than 35 minutes the Raghu appears all tired and panting for breath. Boss: (Shouts) Why you are panting and what caused you the huge delay? Raghu: (Replies with exhausted breath) Sir, when I went to the lift, it said “During an emergency please use the staircase!!! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE.................................. IT'S WEEKEND (23/07/2015)
DOWN WITH…… This happened at Margao Railway Station; Travelers were impatientlywaiting for the train which was late for an hour. In the waiting room, among others there was an over smart middleaged man (Ladru) and sitting next to him was a young boy (Bolu): Ladru: Bolu, just to kill the time,let’s play a game. Bolu: Game? What game? Ladru: We will askquestions each other by turn, for example, if for your question I am unable toanswer than I will pay you Rs.100/= and if for my question you cannot answer thanyou have to pay me Rs.100/=. Bolu: No…. No, I am sorry. I don’thave money for such game. Ladru: Ok…. Ok, listen, Iwill ask you a question and if you didn’t get the answer, you will pay me onlyRs.50/=, and then you ask me a question and if I didn’t get the answer, I willpay you Rs.1000/=. Now it’s okay? Boluagrees and the over smart Ladru, happily starts the game: Ladru: What is thedistance from the Earth to Jupiter? Boludoesn’t say a word, he reaches his pocket and pulls out a Fifty Rupees note andgives to Ladru. Now it’s Bolu’s turn to ask: Bolu: What goes up on the hillwith 5 legs and comes down with 7 legs? Ladru thought for a long time, scratches his head, think and thinkvery deeply but couldn’t get the answer. He reaches his pocket and pulled out aOne Thousand Rupees note and gives to Bolu. Ladru got mad with shame, as all people in the waiting room stares athim. So he asked Bolu: Ladru: Well Bolu, what the hell goes up thehill with 5 legs and comes down with 7 legs? Bolujust deep his hand into his pocket and gave Ladru Rs.50/= and said: Bolu: I don’t know also. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (16/07/2015)
MUST BE………. Timotio, age 87, along with Geraldina, age 83; enters into Royal Pharmacy. Timotio addresses the man behind the counter:- Timotio: Are you the ownerof this Pharmacy? Pharmacist: Yes Sir. Timotio: Do you sell heartmedication? Pharmacist: Of course we do. Geraldina: Medicine forrheumatism? Pharmacist: Definitely, Ma’am. Timotio: Medicine formemory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's? Pharmacist: Yes, a largevariety. Geraldina: What aboutvitamins and sleeping pills? Pharmacist: Absolutely. Timotio: Everything forheartburn and indigestion? Pharmacist: We sure do. Geraldina: You sell walking sticks,walkers and wheelchairs? Pharmacist: All speeds andsizes. Timotio: Excellent. Pharmacist: But excuse me Sir andMa’am, what exactly you’ll want to purchase? Timotio: Next month, we aregetting married, and we are going to print on invitation card that all presents/giftsfor our marriage must be purchased from Royal Pharmacy only. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................. IT'S WEEKEND (09/07/2015)
GAVE ME………. Dr. Crasto is known throughout town as one of the best consultantson arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his adviceand special treatment. One day, an elderly lady ( Liberata ) slowlystruggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavilyon her walking stick. A chair is found for her. As Liberata looks she need immediate doctor’s attention, all theother patients in the waiting room thought of giving her the chance to go in. Liberata thanked all the people in the waiting room and goes into Dr. Crasto’s check-up room. 20 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, Liberata comes briskly out of Dr.Crasto’s check-up room, walking almost upright. She isholding her head high and has a smile on her face. A woman (Amel) in the waiting room says to Liberata: Amel: It’s unbelievable,a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. Tell me,what did Dr. Crasto do to you? Liberata: Yes it’s a miracle,Dr. Crasto is a brilliant doctor,he has all in him. Another lady ( Pelegrin ) from the waiting room interrupted: Pelegrin: But how Dr. Crasto treated you sofast. Liberata: Dr. Crasto took from me the shorterstick which I was walking with and gave me this longer walking stick!!! Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (02/07/2015)
LOOKING FOR…… A newly married couple (Edson Zelda) had just returned home from theirhoneymoon trip:- Zelda : Honey? What are you looking for? Edson : Nothing. Zelda : Nothing? Edson: Yes of course, Nothing. Zelda: You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour. Edson: Oh, it’s…… it’s just like that. Zelda: What you mean just like that? Edson: Forget it darling. Zelda: Listen, I am your wife, no matter what, I want you to tell me thetruth. Edson: Ok…. Ok, I’ll tell you the truth. Zelda: Than tell me now. Edson : I was just looking for the expiry date. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................. IT'S WEEKEND (25/06/2015)
ABOUT MY……. Kistod and his wife (Lipociana) weresitting in front of their Family-Doctor (Dr. Noronha’s) dispensary. Dr. Noronha was veryupset after going through Kistod’s chest X’Ray: Dr. Noronha: (Withanger) It’s almost a year now, I was repeatedly tellingyou to stop smoking but you didn’t bothered to do it. Lipociana: Yes doctor, me too was after him to quitsmoking, but he never listen and in turn he argues with me. Dr. Noronha: Kistod, Iam sorry to tell you that your both lungs are gone from bad to worst. It’s ahigh time you better get rid of that smoking. Lipociana: (Shouts to Kistod)Now open your mouth and promise to Doctor, that from now onwards you will nevertouch the cigarettes. Kistod: (Explainscalmly) Doctor, to tell you the truth. Sometimeswhen I reflect back on all the cigarettes I smoked, I feel ashamed. Then I lookinto the cigarette and think about the workers in the cigarette factory and allof their hopes and dreams. If I don’t smoke this cigarette, they might be outof work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it's betterthat I smoke this cigarette and let their dreams come true then be selfish andworry about my LUNGS. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................................ IT'S WEEKEND (18/06/2015)
REST OF….. The newlywed wife, Anguri, said to her husband (Pankaj),when he returned home from work:- Anguri: Darling, I havegreat news for you. Pankaj: Great news? Anguri: Yes Love. “Khush khobri”. Pankaj: Khush khobri? Tho bholona? Please tell me. Anguri: Pretty soon we aregoing to be three in this house instead of two. Pankaj: (With excitement) Really??? Pankajstarted glowing with happiness and kissing Anguri purred: Pankaj: Oh darling, for last 7weeks since we married, I was anxiously awaiting to hear this great news fromyou. Now I am the happiest man into this world. Anguri: (Smiled and added) Love, I am glad that you feel that way. Well the great news whichI wanted to tell you is, tomorrow morning my mother moves in, and she will be stayingwith us for the rest of her life. Pankaj: (With shock and anger) What?? TERI MAA-ki…….?? Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE....................................... IT'S WEEKEND (11/06/2015)
I DON’T……… A young man (Dylan), excitedly tells his mother (Carmelin) :- Dylan: Mom, I am in love. Pleaseallow me to marry the girl I love. Carmelin: Do you think thatyou will be happy with her for the rest of your life? Dylan: Yes Mom. Carmelin: Well, than I don’twant go against your wish. Dylan: Oh……, thank you so muchMom. Carmelin: You are my onlyson and I want you to be always happy. Dylan: Well…. Mom, I am going tobring over here 3 girls and you must try and guess which one I am going tomarry. The mother (Carmelin) agrees. After a week, Dylan brings three beautiful girls into the house and sits them downon the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says: Dylan: Okay Mom dear, guesswhich one I am going to marry. Carmelin: (Immediately replies) The one on the left. Dylan: That's amazing Mom. You arecorrect. How did you know? Carmelin: (Replies with frown and sour face) Because, I don'tlike her. Cajetande Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE...................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (04/06/2015)
HAS BEEN…….. A 76 year oldman (Motes) goes to his family Doctor (Dr. Falcao) for a physical check-up. Dr. Falcao runs some tests and says to Motes:- Dr.Falcao: Well, everything seems to be in top conditionphysically. But what about mentally? Just tocheck if Motes is mentally okay, Dr. Falcao asks him a trickyquestion: Dr. Falcao: Howis your connection with God? Motes: Oh, meand God? We are tight. We have a real bond, He is very good to me. Every nightwhen I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, andthen, when I leave, he turns it back off. Upon hearing this Dr. Falcao was astonished. He calls Motes’s wife (Zebelin) and says: Dr. Falcao: Iwould like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claimsthat every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light forhim and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true? Zebelin:He is out of his mind, that idiot has been peeing in the refrigerator! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE............................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (28/05/2015)
FOR THE…….. Minglu received a summon from the Court to attend forthe trial:- Judge: Iunderstand you admit to having broken into the Lily Garments Store four times, is itright? Minglu: Yes,Your Honor. Judge: What didyou steal? Minglu: Istole a dress, Your Honor. Judge: (Bellowed) One dress? Minglu:That’s right your honor. Judge: But youhave admitted to breaking in four times! Minglu: (Sighed) Yes, Your Honor. Judge: To stillone dress, you broke four times? Minglu:That’s because for the first three times my wife didn't like the colour! Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE........................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (21/05/2015)
I HAVEN’T…….. Girgol's wife (Ritin) bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. She applied this Chamatkar products for 21 days. One fine day, after a lengthy sitting before the mirror, Ritin asked to her husband (Girgol):- Ritin: Darling, would you please tell me honestly? Girgol: What is it? Ritin: Just look at me and tell. What age would you say I am? Looking over her carefully, Girgol replied: Girgol: Judging from your skin, you looks twenty one; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five. Ritin: (Gushed) Oh you flatterer! Girgol: (Interrupted) Hey, wait a minute! Ritin: What happened? Girgol: I haven't added them up yet. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................... IT'S WEEKEND (14/05/2015)
WAITING FOR……. It was in theclassroom, where Teacher Beatrice was having her English subject:- Teacher Beatrice: Students please take a pencil and paperand write an essay with the title “If I Were a Millionaire”. Everyone began towrite furiously except Clint, who leaned backwith arms folded: Teacher Beatrice: Clint What'sthe matter? Clint: NothingTeacher. Teacher Beatrice: Why don't you begin? Clint: WhenI am a millionaire, I am not supposed to write these things. Teacher Beatrice: (Shouted)What? What you are trying to tell me? Clint: (Replied calmly) Iam waiting for my secretary. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
[Goanet] SMILE................................................. IT'S WEEKEND (07/05/2015)
BETWEEN THE……. A student (Nygel) had spent all his money,so he called his mother (Saluzina) from college hostel andasked if she could send him some:- Saluzina: Of course, I'll send you money, dear.. Nygel: Thank you Mom. Saluzina: By the way, you left your Bible over here, whichyou used read daily by closing your room and used to say without Bible your dayis incomplete. Would you like me to send that to you too? Nygel: Oh yeah Mom, actually I was supposed to tell youabout it. Last 3 weeks since I reached here I could not read the Bible. You knowwell Mom that I can stay without eating but without reading the Bible I can’t,so please do send. So, Saluzina wrapped the Bible,together with the cheques, goes to post office and mail the parcel. When she returned herhusband (Estevao) asked her: Estevao: So, how much did you send him this time? Saluzina: I wrote two cheques, one for Rs:750/=, and theother for Rs:9,250/=. Estevao: (Exclaimed) Haveyou lost your mind? That's 10 thousand Rupees! Saluzina: (Said calmly) Don’t you worry dear, (Saluzina kissed the top of Estevao's head). I taped the envelope containing Rs:750/= chequeto the cover of the Bible, but I put the Rs:9,250/= cheque somewhere betweenthe pages of the Bible. Estevao: (Smiled) Oh…..,Now, we will come to know, how often our son reads the Bible. Cajetan de Sanvordem Kuwait.
