While the Illinois state legislature began his impeachment hearing Monday,
Gov. Rod Blagojevich was in New York for a series of TV interviews... the
"Today" show asked if he was guilty; "The View" asked if he expected to go
to prison; "Larry King" asked if he liked puppies.
- Jerry Perisho
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Whirlwind Tour
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"If Hollywood ever makes a movie about The Three Stooges, Rod Blagojevich
should play Moe."
- Bill in Portland Maine
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You folks know about this Rod Blagojevich, the governor from Illinois?
Well, they’re trying to get him out of there because he's a crook. And he
was having an impeachment trial, and he said, "You know what, you kids go
and have your little impeachment trial. I'm going to New York City, and
I'm going to be on every TV show." Did you see the guy on TV? He was
everywhere. I mean, this guy, he looks like the guy that tells you need
new brake pads, you know?
Blagojevich looks like an insurance salesman that keeps calling you
'Captain'... "Hey, Captain."
Blagojevich looks like a guy who backs you up with his aftershave. Whoah!
Blagojevich looks like a guy who disappears with your deposit after he
takes your contracting contract.
Blagojevich looks like the guy who tries to set you up with his wife.
- David Letterman
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String Him Up!
http://us.cnn.com/POLITICS/analysis/toons/2009/01/27/mitchell/
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Blagojevich Claims Behavior Was Just Elaborate Plan To Surprise Patrick
Fitzgerald With Senate Nomination On His Birthday
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/blagojevich_claims_behavior
As his impeachment trial began Monday, Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich
kicked off a national media tour to explain that his alleged senatorial
pay-to-play scheme was merely an elaborate plot to surprise U.S. Attorney
Patrick Fitzgerald with a Senate seat on his birthday.
"You try to do something nice for someone, and look what happens," the
embattled governor told reporters at a press conference during which he
unveiled a birthday cake for Fitzgerald. "People get wind of it, so you
try to cover up the big party you planned, then things get out of hand and
the story ends up involving a children's hospital, threats to the Tribune,
and a half-million-dollar bribe. Next thing you know, you're getting
investigated by the very person you wanted to do something nice for! Pat,
I'm sorry your birthday surprise was spoiled."
Before taking questions, Blagojevich changed into a plumber's outfit and
attempted to sneak out of the room, saying in a thick Italian accent that
the toilet was backed up and he had to fix it right away.
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Going All Out
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"Man, you could not watch television today without seeing Illinois
Governor Rod Blagojevich, who is saying all these crazy things about
himself. Blagojevich did all these interviews, and in one of them, he
compared himself to Martin Luther King. Yeah, Blagojevich said, 'I have a
dream, and for 100 bucks, I'll tell you about it.'"
- Conan O'Brien
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"In numerous TV interviews, impeached Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich compared
himself to Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Really? See, I think he's more
like Ron Popeil and a Chia Pet."
- Alex Kaseberg
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Dead Ringer....
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"Obama caught some heat today by conservative pundits because he sat for
his first formal TV interview with the Arabic cable TV network Al-Arabiya
Obama claimed that he tried to score an interview with an American
network, but they are all too busy interviewing Gov. Rod Blagojevich."
- Pedro Bartes
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I Love That Song!
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"Governor Blagojevich is being impeached. Of course, the state of Illinois
is already searching for a new crooked politician to take his place."
- David Letterman
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"Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich says he wants to appear Thursday at his
impeachment hearing in Springfield. The governor will be accompanied by a
crowd of supporters -- each of whom paid $10,000 to be there."
- Jerry Perisho
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The Media Tour Continues
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The television networks have found new opportunities for programming with
the allegations regarding Gov. Blagojevich.
ABC is bringing Regis back to prime time with the game show "Who Wants To
Be a Senator?"
NBC is moving Howie Mandel to "Senate Seat or No Senate Seat".
In contrast, CBS is sticking with "The Price is Right"....
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Playing The Part
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"Should we be surprised that Governor Rod Blagojevich thought of offering
Obama's Senate seat to Oprah? He knew she could afford it."
- Janice Hough
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"Nigerian police arrested a goat for trying to steal a car Friday. They
say the thief changed himself into a goat using black magic before his
arrest. The governors of Illinois would get away with everything if they
could get the secret to this trick."
- Argus Hamilton
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Wading In....
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TOP TEN WAYS ROD BLAGOJEVICH CAN IMPROVE HIS IMAGE
....... from The Late Show with David Letterman
....... © CBS Broadcasting Inc.
10) Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"
9) Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop
8) Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like
"BLAGOOOOYYYYYJEVICH"
7) Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest
6) Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot
Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape
5) Change his name to Barod Obamavich
4) Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River
3) I don't know... how about showing up for his impeachment trial
2) Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!" a lot
...and the Number One Ways Rod Blagojevich can improve his image....
1) Uhhh... resign?
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I heard Mother Teresa is coming back with the top ten Saints to testify in
Blagojevich's defense....
***********
Now What?!?
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