"George W. Bush signed with the Washington Speakers Bureau last month and the
agency promptly scheduled him to entertain a convention in Canada. He has a
very specific financial plan. He's going to work as a stand-up comic until
karate can pay the bills."
- Argus Hamilton
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A Family Visit
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/po/2009/po090302.gif
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"Pres. Obama restored rules Tuesday that are aimed at protecting endangered
species. Among the species that are in danger of completely disappearing are
trustworthy new car dealers, ethical mortgage brokers and honest bankers."
- Jerry Perisho
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Economic Forum
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmlu/2009/crmlu090303.gif
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"Bernie Madoff is asking the federal court to allow him to keep his Manhattan
penthouse. Madoff is arguing that if he loses his home, he might run out of
places to hide all his stolen money."
- Jake Novak
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He's Swinging
http://cagle.com/working/090304/matson.jpg
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The Federal Reserve chairman said today that the $700 billion bailout of the
banks is not going to be enough money. When did the Federal Reserve become like
a car mechanic, you know? "Yeah, we can get the economy running for maybe $700
billion, but there's no guarantee it's not gonna stall out on you."
- Jay Leno
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I'm not too sure about this "bailout" thing....
I think that guy ahead of me at the 7-11 yesterday was Ben Bernanke signing a
cashier's check for $1.2 trillion worth of Powerball tickets.
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That Looks Like....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ta/2009/ta090305.gif
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"The federal government launched a $200 billion consumer credit program
designed to aid student loans, stimulate auto loans and aid with credit card
debt... because, when you think about it, who is a better lending risk than a
professional student trying to buy a car using his credit card?"
- Jerry Perisho
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Wrong, Wrong, Wrong....
http://tinyurl.com/aj5u9p
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I just wanted to warn people from Nigeria....
If you get any emails from Wall Street asking for money, IT'S A SCAM! DON'T
FALL FOR IT!!!
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Tuesday's $216 million Mega Millions jackpot will be shared by 10 employees at
a New Jersey insurance company. In a perfect world, they would still get their
money, but be forced to first fill out 100,000 forms and then wait 12 years to
actually start getting their money."
- Jake Novak
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Will This Be....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tt/2009/tt090304.gif
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Getting the headlines, but not really meaning it....
Northern Trust says it plans to repay bailout fund as quickly as possible
http://tinyurl.com/bysy3m
Northern Trust Co. to Congress: We don't want your money.
The Chicago bank, which got $1.6 billion of taxpayer funds under the
government's financial-system rescue plan last year, said Friday that it was
talking to its regulators "with the goal of repaying [the] funds as quickly and
prudently as possible."
The bank has been pilloried over the last week for continuing its sponsorship
of the annual Northern Trust Open golf tournament at the Riviera Country Club
in Pacific Palisades, and for the related client parties it hosted around town.
...
As for repaying the $1.6 billion, which now is earning a 5% annual dividend
yield for the Treasury, it isn't clear how easy that will be. ...
-------
Ken Lewis Calls Taking $20B Gov't Loan A Mistake
http://tinyurl.com/culwv4
Bank of America's CEO is now calling his request for $20 billion in government
money to support the acquisition of Merrill Lynch a "tactical mistake,"
according to a news report.
Ken Lewis also said he would stay on as CEO until the bank pays back all of its
$45 billion in government funding -- which could take two or three years, the
Financial Times reported Monday. ...
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It was a tactical mistake.... but it could take two or three years to pay
back?!?
I think that means you needed it.... no?
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You Don't Look So Healthy....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmssa/2009/tmssa090302.gif
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Absolute failure on Wall Street often results in multi-million dollar sums for
guys whose business savvy is less than Joe the Plumber, but there are no golden
parachutes in the small business world on Main Street, USA...
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Community Chest
http://ilikemike.50megs.com/images/cagle_community_chest.jpg
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"A huge blizzard covered the East Coast with 10 inches of snow. Police said
there would've been traffic jams if people still had jobs to go to."
- Craig Ferguson
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Counting....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crgma/2009/crgma090304.gif
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If worker's pensions can be "changed" after they retire, when companies fall on
hard times, why can't we go in and "change" the retirement packages for the
executives who've driven those companies into the ground?
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Like An Iceberg
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/bs/2009/bs090305.gif
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"Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner testified in front of the House Ways and Means
Committee Tuesday. He told them the administration is gearing up to go after
tax evaders. Did he ever get a cold shoulder when he showed up at the next
cabinet meeting."
- Argus Hamilton
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Hiring Office
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/bs/2009/bs090304.gif
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UBS: 47,000 American Clients Avoided Taxes
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29514602/
UBS AG now says it had about 47,000 accounts held by Americans who didn't pay
U.S. taxes on their assets, but Switzerland's biggest bank isn't providing the
names of any more of them to the U.S. government.
A Justice Department official said if UBS is found in contempt by a federal
judge for refusing to identify the rest of its U.S. clients, the government
could proceed with its criminal prosecution of the bank, which has been
deferred. ...
Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich., chairman of a Senate investigative subcommittee, said
that despite UBS "being caught red-handed," the Swiss government is fighting
the IRS request and defending the country's banking secrecy.
The conduct that UBS engaged in, including tricks to thwart the IRS from
tracing Americans' funds in Switzerland, "actively facilitates tax evasion
(and) amounts to a declaration of war by offshore secrecy jurisdictions against
honest, hardworking taxpayers," Levin said at the hearing by the panel of the
Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee
"We cannot allow an environment to develop where wealthy individuals can go
offshore and avoid paying taxes with impunity," said IRS Commissioner Douglas
Shulman. ...
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Obama's Tax Plan
http://cagle.com/working/090302/horsey.jpg
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"The Dow Jones fell below seven thousand for the first time in twelve years
Monday. In those days the Dow was going up through the seven thousand mark, as
President Clinton dodged a sex harassment suit and Speaker Newt Gingrich was
cheating on his wife with his staffer. Who would have thought adultery is the
best stimulus package of all?"
- Argus Hamilton
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Who Says....
http://cagle.com/working/090227/siers.jpg
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"President Obama -- talk about a tough gig, and talk about optimism. The guy is
saying it's a good time to buy stocks. So here's what you do. Instead of that
latte you buy in the morning, pick yourself up a thousand shares of G.M."
- David Letterman
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR STOCKBROKER IS LOSING IT
from The Late Show with David Letterman
© CBS Broadcasting Inc.
10) His "office" is in the patio section at Wal-Mart
9) Assures you President McCain will lower interest rates
8) Buys 15,000 shares of a company called "Gogle"
7) He has a seat on the Bayonne Stock Exchange
6) When you ask him what he thinks about the market, he does his: "meow"
5) Last week, got into a shouting match with his calculator
4) Claims to be the bastard child of Merill and Lynch
3) When the opening bell rings, he screams, "Fire!"
2) Makes you call him "mommy" so he can list you as a dependent
1) During the day he handles your money; at night he handles your wife
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"I want to thank you for coming out. It's nice to be inside. It's brutal out
there. The Dow is 30 below zero."
- Jimmy Fallon
***********************
Drinking.... To Forget?
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmdow/2009/tmdow090303.gif
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