--- In [email protected], Diane Lochner
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> I have zero issues with the proposal...his bride-to-be is the one
who didn't like the proposal. i don't know what kind of fantasy she
had in her head
That was going to be my question: what kind of proposal did she
want?
I do have an unappreciated-engagement story from my own life, in
which I was the Bridezilla-equivalent. (Yes, the story involves me
and another woman.) But as it turned out, my hesitations were well-
founded.
To make a very long story as short as I can manage: I was involved
with a woman to whom I proposed on the spur of the moment at
Thanksgiving 1990. Not sure why, but for some reason she, not I,
ended up in the position of buying a ring -- probably because I told
her at some point that rings were important to me.
Possibly like your Bridezilla, Diane, I had a whole fantasy about my
then-GF and I going out together to pick out rings that meant
something to both of us. Unfortunately, I did not share this
fantasy quickly enough with my then-GF, who went out by herself and
bought a ring with which to surprise me at Christmas. A couple of
weeks before the holiday, I began to suspect this was coming, and
didn't know how to tell her that I had envisioned a joint ring-
buying process, so I just kept my mouth shut and my fingers
crossed. (Let me add that she was susceptible to flying into a rage
at the slightest provocation.)
Well, Christmas came, and she gave me the little white box, and in
it was the ugliest ring I'd ever seen. (It was sterling silver,
which I do love, but it had little . . . things sticking out of the
top. Non-sparkly, non-shiny things that looked like little
silver . . . bricks. It looked more like an instrument of torture
than anything else.) I tried to swallow my horror, and asked in
false cheeriness, "Gosh, honey, why did you choose *this* ring?"
But I am a lousy liar, and she behaved just as I was afraid she
would: flew into a rage at my failure to properly appreciate her
gift.
To keep this story from becoming even more interminable than it
already is, I'll just say that in the end, I had two different
people (unknown to each other) "intervene" with me to tell me that I
was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I should get out of
it, which I eventually did. Embarrassingly, one of the things that
made me realize that I needed to leave my GF behind was passing a
jewelry store window alone one night and unexpectedly bursting into
torrential tears over everything I would be giving up by staying in
the relationship -- symbolized, of course, by that awful ring.
I suspect it probably makes a difference if you're heterosexual and
the proposal starts a whole massive set of Wedding Machinery
grinding. That sure didn't happen with my ex and me. Thank Gawd.
BTW, with my current honey, I'd be happy to go to the courthouse in
shorts and a beat-up t-shirt -- if only they wouldn't turn us away
at the courthouse door. But that's a whole 'nother rant.
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