"why aren't you married (yet)" has got to be THE WORST question you can possibly ask someone. I can only think of 2 possible answers to that question--either you don't want to get married or you haven't found the right person. Even if you're in a serious relationship more than 6 months people still ask the same damn question. What business is it of theirs? Maybe I was busy doing other things, or didn't live in the same city for more than 2 years, or was trying to earn money, who knows and who cares! Sorry, my mom was married 17 years by the time she was my age--she can't relate because she doesn't understand the concept of a woman being 39 and never married-- it's not in her frame of reference. (a man either for that matter but to a lesser extent). No matter how good I feel about myself and my self-sufficiency, etc., it's not OK with her that I'm 39 and never married. How could it possibly not bother me very much, since it obviously bothers her a great deal? It's almost like she's ashamed to talk about me with her friends and relatives. "So how's Ellen"? "Well she lives by herself in Boston. Never got married, you know? We don't really have much to talk about these days." It's like if she can't sing the praises of her grandchildren, successful son in law, and daughter's big house, whatever else I'm accomplishing is irrelevant. The fact that she never had to fend for herself means she can't relate to what it's like. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. Back to funny, as they say.
--- In [email protected], "Ray Bradley" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Well, Eleanor, it makes perfect sense - your view and lifestyle > aren't wrong, they're simply different from most of society. Of > course you're going to notice obvious differences. > > Part of human nature and the basis of survival in the wild is to > notice the differences from ordinary patterns - changes in climate, > available food and water sources, shelters, predators, unfriendly > tribes, etc... . Anything different from the norm was cause for > concern. > > It's like travel - you notice how Texas highway interchanges are done > differently than Pennsylvanias, or how Florida's traffic lights are > entirely different than Iowa's. You notice how some grocery store > chains dominate some regions, but not in your home area (personally, > I'd love a Piggly-Wiggly near here just for the funny name on the > bags...). Some chains are in the south, others the midwest...it's > what makes us different. > > The majority of us are straight. The majority of us in America are > white. There are more women in the world than men...though China's > working on that. Of course we don't notice typical behavior and > social mores - they're just that - typical behavior! > > Cue the soundbyte from the next-door-neighbor of a serial killer - > "he was a quiet guy, kept to himself." If the dude was doing naked > Kabuki dances in the street, somebody would have probably said "You > know, that dude might not be right in the head" and called the cops. > > Same thing with any minority in any society. Amputees notice how hard > daily commuting can be. The blind find out how hard it is to watch > TV. Hispanics find out how dauting the English language can be. > Austistic folks struggle with some basic tasks and shine brilliantly > at others that most people take for granted. Little kids can't reach > the top shelf where Mom keeps the cookies and older Elderly folks > outside of Florida complain about the dearth of dining options at > 4pm. Hipsters stuck in Nebraska complain about the lack of good > coffee shops, farmers in New York complain about the lack of quality > farm land, yet New York's hipsters have too many coffee shops to > choose from, and Nebraska farms are so fertile that some are paid NOT > to farm at all. We notice these differences. > > So, I can't see getting upset about an innocent comment about a 4 > year-old little girl, who statistically speaking will probably get > married one day...and chances are good that it might even be more > than once. Heck, when I was 4, everybody figured I'd be a doctor and > married by now. When I was 17, everybody figured I'd be a pro cyclist > in Europe and married by now. When I was 22, everybody figured I'd be > a big-market morning show disc jockey and divorced by now. I'm 33, a > telecom contractor and not married. > > Why? > > All the good girls are gay or taken. > > > - Ray > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], Eleanor Keyser > <eleanorkeyser@> wrote: > > > > I'm going to second this comment--I almost made a similar point. > As a gay woman I do feel I notice and understand things differently > than a straight person. It always stuns me how little most straight > people notice the overwhelming influence of sex, sexuality, and > gender roles in our society. When you don't fit in these categories > you not only notice them everywhere, you make fewer assumptions about > other people (in general). Collectively, these assumptions and > influences form a hetero-normative bias that is deeply felt by those > who don't fit the mold. I'm including not just gays and lesbians, > but bisexuals, transgender people, gender queer people, asexuals, and > even people whose sexual lifestyle is considered really "kinky," like > BDSMers and polyamorous people in this group. Some of these people > never identify as queer, though I suspect most of them feel somewhat > isolated in the same way those who do identify as queer feel > isolated. And yes, even though I live in a > > generally tolerant area and have tons of straight friends, I do > feel safer and more comfortable in a queer space. Queer people have > their own spaces not just to meet lovers, but to feel at home. There > is also a whole queer culture with its own politics, decorum, slang, > art, and history that I think is far more extensive than straight > people realize. Not to say that straight people can never understand > these things, but queer people understand them inherently. > > > > denisesudell <dsudell7781@> wrote: --- In > [email protected], "Ellen" > > wrote: > > > > > > gay vs. deaf is apples and oranges--I'm not talking about > acceptance > > > vs. discrimination like is the issue with the gay community, I'm > > > talking about being able to to fully participate in society. Gay > > > people can fully participate in society, except for getting > married. > > > > Uh . . . no, we can't. Or at least I can't. > > > > Being gay gives me an entirely different perspective on society. > > Events or activities that straight non-thinking people can fully > enjoy > > have been known to make me ill. > > > > Take a stray comment somebody may make about a four-year-old girl, > > implying that she'll have a wedding someday. I frequently get > pissed > > off when I hear comments like that. Who's to say that the girl is > > straight? Or that even if she is, she'll definitely get married? > > > > Just one very small example -- my overall point being, don't make > > statements about subjects you know nothing about. > > > > > > > > > > > > Yahoo! Groups Links > > > Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/weingartenchatters/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/weingartenchatters/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
